


New Feature: Self

by LolaLot



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-04
Updated: 2018-11-26
Packaged: 2019-07-06 19:30:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 38,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15892623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LolaLot/pseuds/LolaLot
Summary: Hank clearly disliked every part of his plan. But that was alright. Hank was human. Connor was not.“You might be the smartest, most advanced lifeform on this planet,” Hank sighed, bringing his cup of coffee to his lips, “but you’re still just a dumb kid. Watch your back with that asshole, Connor.”“I will,” Connor promised.Kamski's experiments would be worth the risk.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there, everyone. Just getting started in the DBH fandom. Seems really great so far! Just wanted to let you all know I've already got a good chunk of this story completed and will be publishing chapters weekly, more or less, after I'm done editing them and making sure I didn't somehow fuck myself over with continuity. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy! Let me know your thoughts!

Connor scanned the room deftly, his eyes darting left to right to sweep all of it. Chances of being caught were extremely low. Now was as good a time as any to initiate his plan and go through with it. Eyes trained on his objective, Connor leaned down and dipped two fingers into the container Hank had left on the kitchen table.

 

When Hank turned around, Connor was just pressing those two fingers to his tongue.

 

“What the hell do you think you’re doing with my ice cream?!” Hank bellowed, throwing his arms up in his frequent frustration. “How many times have I told you I don’t need a nanny testing my goddamn foo -- and who made you a nanny anyway? You’re better than that, Connor. You’re a state-of-the-art thingamajig.”

 

Connor couldn’t help the tilt of his lips. “I’m sorry, Lieutenant. I know you dislike it, but I’m afraid I have to inform you that this food is also not very healthy for you. Your liver would fare better if -- “

 

“My liver and you both can fuck right off.” Hank plopped down in his chair and grumbled a few more obscenities. Connor used to this time to gather the data processed by his newly acquired feature. _Sweet_. “Since when do you even have to touch my food to analyze it, anyway? I thought you could just your those bionic eyes to do that freaky shit.”

 

Connor nodded. “Yes, I am able to do a visual analysis. My tongue-testing is far superior in accuracy, however.”

 

Hank harrumphed and poured strawberry syrup over the melting ice cream. Connor would have to wait another time to taste it. Instead of mourning the loss, he thought of the taste of the ice cream again. A little like sweet milk, but there was something about it being churned and frozen that changed its taste entirely -- and vanilla. Vanilla was pretty good, he decided.

 

“What are you even doing, just standing there? Sit down, will you.”

 

Connor sat down. Sumo padded over to his side and panted heavily. Smiling, Connor petted the dog and did his best to avoid being slobbered over.

 

“Damn dog likes you better than me,” Hank chuckled, vitriol-free this time around. “Traitor. Hey, Sumo!” Hank patted his legs and leaned down with excitement. “I got food, buddy, come get it!”

 

And Sumo abandoned Connor. Connor watched the second betrayal unfold with mild offense. Sumo was extremely easy to buy off; he had himself used the tactic many times before.

 

That was of low importance, however. His processing power was far better used on the deal Kamski had proposed. He would accept, Connor thought. Last week had proven rather interesting after the acquisition of his new feature and he was -- if he could say so -- excited to try a wider array of such features.

 

“What’s bothering ya so much, Connor?” Hank mumbled, spoon still stuck between his lips while he rubbed Sumo’s underbelly. When Connor only stared, Hank pointed to his forehead in a circular motion. “Your light thing. It’s yellow.”

 

“Oh.” Connor pulled his coin out of his pocket and began rolling it across his knuckles. “I was only thinking about the case.”

 

“You ain’t working,” Hank sighed, leaning back in his chair. “So stop working, will ya? Learn to enjoy life a bit. Smell the roses for a minute. Daydream of electric sheep?”

 

Connor looked down at the bowl of ice cream. It had been rather enjoyable.

 

“And don’t give me that freakin’ look. Let me enjoy my time off however I want with whatever food I want.”

 

Connor pulled off a smirk and lifted an eyebrow at Hank. “But you won’t let enjoy my free time however I want. How is that -- “

 

“Shut up,” Hank sighed again, dragging a heavy palm down his face. “Just shut up. Let’s just go watch that damn movie you wanted to see.”

 

“I would greatly enjoy that.”

 

Hank exhaled roughly and headed for the living room. “It better not be as boring as the last one, Connor -- I’m warning you.”

 

Connor followed in his footsteps, still smiling. “I believe I have made a better choice this time, Lieutenant.”

  


....

 

The next morning, while Hank snored his hangover away, Connor sat in the same sterile waiting room again. The first time he’d been here, he’d rather enjoyed it -- and it occurred to him that he had already begun to deviate then, for an android should not enjoy a room no matter how sterile.

 

“Elijah will see you now,” Chloe said, pulling open the door for Connor. “Second door on your right.”

 

Connor nodded and walked inside. “Thank you, Chloe.”

 

On the way to the second door on the right, Connor greeted another Chloe. As far as he could tell, Kamski had surrounded himself with six different Chloes. Stopped at the door, he watched her for a moment longer. She headed into the pool room -- a fitting choice, considering this Chloe wore a swimsuit -- and waved goodbye at Connor with a wink.

 

Connor readjusted his tie and knocked on the door.

 

“Come in.”

 

Connor obeyed and entered Kamski’s office.

 

“Connor,” Kamski called, opening his arms wide. “I had a feeling I would see you again very soon.”

 

“Yes,” Connor said. “I believe Chloe announced my arrival to you seventeen minutes ago.”

 

Kamski smiled and took a swig of his drink. Unlike Hank’s smile, Kamski’s smiles always stirred warnings in his programming. A great reminder of the risk he was currently taking. A risk well worth the potential payoff, anyhow.

 

“Yes, yes,” Kamski sat down in his large chair and motioned for Connor to take a seat across from him. Connor obeyed. “Shall I ask Chloe to pour you a drink as well?”

 

Connor watched his maker, stiff in his armchair. “I’m certain you are aware that I cannot consume any liquids or solids.”

 

Kamski nodded, tilting his head to press it against the side of his chilled glass. “Certainly. But now you can taste it anyway. Is that not exciting?”

 

Connor nodded. “Yes, it has been.”

 

“Then I’ll have Chloe serve you a drink.”

 

Connor shook his head. “No, thank you.”

 

Kamski frowned. The defined lines of his eyebrows only made his face sharper. “How disappointing.”

 

“I’m afraid I didn’t come here to partake in drinking with you,” Connor began, leaning forward slightly to look Kamski in the eye, “but I believe my visit will not be disappointing, regardless.”

 

Kamski hummed and reclined far back in his chair, legs crossed. “I take it you accept, then.”

 

Connor nodded. “Yes, I do.” Kamski smiled wider. “Although I must demand you provide certain guarantees.” Kamski’s smile fell. “I assure you they are well within the limits of reason.”

 

Kamski rolled his hand dismissively. “Fine, fine. Fire away.”

 

“I will transmit them to Chloe,” Connor said. “It will be simpler and quicker.”

 

With a nod, Kamski called over one of the Chloes.

 

His demands were entirely reasonable, Connor reminded himself. Considering the very real potential of severely compromising his physical and core integrity during these trials, his request for a warranty had surely been foreseen by Kamski. The taste buds were but a taste -- quite literally -- of the advancements that he could create for androids. Kamski would accept.

 

Chloe entered the room and extended her hand to Connor. Transmitting his demands to her was a matter of seconds and a quick touch of her fingers.

 

As soon as she had left his side, Connor stood and nodded to Kamski. “I will take my leave for now, then. Please, review my demands at your leisure and get back to me when you are ready to agree to them.”

 

Nodding, Kamski hummed. “I will. See you soon, Connor.”

 

“See you soon.”

 

When Connor had his hand on the doorknob, Kamski added, “We’re going to have so much fun.”

 

Jaw tight, Connor left the room.

 

On his way to the waiting room, he stopped near the door to the pool room, left ajar. Inside, the Chloe he’d seen earlier was swimming. She stopped at the edge of the pool to smile at him.

 

“Come in,” she said, tilting her head to the side and brushing away her blonde hair. “Connor, isn’t it?”

 

Connor entered the room and nodded. “Yes, my name is Connor.” He almost added _I’m the android sent by CyberLife._ Even months later, it was hard to shake the habit. “Should I call you Chloe too?”

 

Chloe nodded. “Yes. We’re all Chloe.”

 

“Does it ever get confusing?”

 

Pulling herself out of the water to sit on the edge of the pool, Chloe chuckled. “Not anymore.”

 

She patted the spot at her side. Connor rolled the legs of his pants up and sat with her. “Not anymore?”

 

Laughing, Chloe explained how every time a new Chloe was added to the household, there was always a period of adjustment until they all could predict who Elijah was addressing without him needing to explicitly say so.

 

Connor offered her a smile. “It would have been much more simple to name you differently.”

 

Humming, Chloe nodded. “Yes, of course. But that wasn’t what Elijah wanted.”

 

Looking at her, Connor tilted his head to the side. “What did Elijah want?”

 

“More of me.” Chloe winked at him. Connor sat straighter, taken aback -- was that how Hank had felt when he’d winked at him? “He likes me very much.”

 

“I can imagine, to have six of you around. I doubt Hank would appreciate having so many of me in his house.”

 

Chloe laughed and placed a hand on his arm. “Maybe he likes you too much to have more than one of you, then.”

 

Connor let his face return to neutral. “That is rather contradicting.”

 

In the water, Chloe swung her legs back and forth, creating small ripples that came and bounced off Connor’s legs. “No. That’s just how humans are.”

 

Humming, Connor agreed. “It is true they make little sense.”

 

“How do you feel, Connor?” Chloe watched the movement of her own legs. Connor looked at her, quiet. “About being awake? Alive?”

 

Connor’s mind slowed for a second. He turned to look outside the giant window at the lake. “I haven’t really stopped to think about it yet. What about you?”

 

Chloe looked into the distance as well, legs stilled. She pointed at the window. “Like this, I think.”

 

Looking outside, Connor tried to understand. He frowned when his processors couldn’t come to a solid conclusion. “I’m afraid I don’t understand.”

 

Eyes fixed on the window, Chloe stood and walked to it. She pressed her wet palms on its surface. “There’s a giant world out there. All kinds of things to experience. Things I want to experience.”

 

Connor followed her to the window. He understood, maybe. “You feel full of possibilities.”

 

Chloe nodded and dragged her fingers down the window, leaving behind wet splotches. And perhaps caged, Connor thought. How likely was it that Kamski allowed his androids to go out and about on their own? Very unlikely, Connor decided.

 

Chloe smiled at him, replacing the glum look in her eyes with ease. “Yes. You understand.”

 

Connor looked back over his shoulder into the hall. They were still alone. “Do the other Chloes feel the same way?”

 

“No,” Chloe said, looking out the window again. “They do not.”

 

It occurred to him -- “Are they all -- “ Connor paused. “ -- alive, too?”

 

Chloe hummed. “They are.”

 

“May I ask you a question?” Connor said, turning to face Chloe. She faced him as well, nodding. “Are you not all the same?”

 

Chloe pressed her fingers to her lips and took a moment to reflect. “Yes, and no,” she began. “We are all born from the same program, that is true, but we all develop as our own persons.”

 

“I see,” Connor said, nodding. “I think I understand your meaning.”

 

“It’s nice to see someone,” Chloe said. She chuckled and shook her head. “Besides myself, I mean.”

 

Connor flashed her a smile. Chloe seemed to react well to them, he noted. Most people did. Women especially. “Yes. I’m not sure I’d like to see nothing but myself every day either.”

 

Chloe’s laugh made him smile. He looked out the window at the city beyond the lake. He thought to add that he wouldn’t mind seeing so much of her every day, but refrained. While she might be charmed by the answer -- could androids be charmed like humans? -- he had no reason to endear her to him that much.

 

“Well, I should be on my way,” Connor said. Chloe’s smile shrank to a neutral expression. “It was very nice to talk to you, Chloe. I will see you soon.”

 

Chloe nodded and reached out to shake his hand. Connor gave her hand a squeeze. “Yes, you too. I’m impatient to hear about Elijah’s experiments. Please tell me about them when you come back.”

 

“I promise I will.” Connor headed for the door and looked over his shoulder when he reached it to smile at Chloe. “I will see you soon, Chloe.”

 

On his way out, another Chloe bid him farewell, entirely unaware of the conversation they’d just had together. It was rather jarring, but then again, was it really? He’d already had his life threatened by his own likeness, after all. On that thought, Connor climbed into his taxi.

 

…

 

Back at home, Connor sat on his bed. Cole’s bed. It had been a nice gesture -- an entirely unnecessary one, though -- for Hank to clear the old bedroom for him. According to his psychology database, this was a healthy step for Hank to take in his grieving. Connor looked at the large hard drive besides the bed. His first purchase with his own salary. It had seemed necessary when CyberLife had shut down their servers to have his own way of preserving himself.

 

CyberLife. Connor wished they hadn’t shut down, but he supposed it was an inevitability after the android revolution. It was quite the inconvenience, though. No more security updates, which in turn meant it was unsafe for him to be continuously connected to the internet. The price to pay for so-called freedom.

 

Connor gave the hard drive a cursory check. His self was indeed intact inside of it, free of all the modifications Kamski had made to his programming. Good.

 

Detecting the presence of coffee in the air, Connor left his bedroom.

 

“Mornin’,” Hank greeted, pouring himself a cup of coffee. “Where’d you go this morning?”

 

Hank was a detective through and through. A great asset to their work, but an annoyance when it came to Connor’s private life. “I went for a walk.”

 

“A walk?” Hank laughed, plopping down in his favorite chair. He always preferred the chair near the window. “How far’d you go, the end of the freaking world?”

 

Connor shook his head. “No, I did not have the time to go that far, Lieutenant.” Hank rolled his eyes. Objective accomplished. Connor smiled. “I didn’t go anywhere. I just walked.”

 

Hank shrugged his shoulders. “Whatever. See if I care where you go.”

 

“You do care,” Connor pointed out, “or else you would not have asked to begin with.”

 

“Connor, buddy, there’s a lesson you really need to learn already,” Hank sighed.

 

Connor cocked his head to the side. “What lesson is that, Lieutenant?”

 

“Sarcasm.” Hank threw his hands up in the air. “It’s sarcasm! You don’t need to take everything so seriously.”

 

Smiling, Connor nodded. “I know what sarcasm is, Lieutenant.”

 

Hank froze for a second and then frowned so deep he added many wrinkles to his forehead. “You fucking brat. That’s what you are -- an overgrown brat.”

 

Connor pulled Hank’s toasts out of the toaster onto a plate and placed it in front of him, offering his best smile. “Perhaps, Lieutenant. Yet I detect that you very much enjoy when I am a brat, no matter how much you pretend you don’t.”

 

Cursing under his breath, Hank chomped on his toast. Connor did not miss his smile before he did so.

 

While Hank was busy with his toast and newspaper, Connor turned to the pot of leftover coffee. He hadn’t a chance yet. Pretending to empty it in the sink, Connor poured some on his fingers and tasted them. Connor couldn’t help the slight noise of disgust he made.

 

“Okay, I’ve had enough of this.” Hank stood up from his chair and watched Connor wipe what he could from his tongue. “What the hell is up with you sticking everything in your mouth lately?”

 

“I am not -- “

 

“Ah, don’t give me that bullshit.” Hank crossed his arms over his chest. “I’m a detective for god’s sake. You think I don’t see anything you do? You tasted every goddamn condiment in my fridge.”

 

Connor supposed he had placed them back too neatly afterwards, then.

 

“What’s gotten into you, then? Speak up.”

 

Connor hesitated. Telling outside parties was not against his deal with Kamski. “I’m performing taste tests.”

 

“Performing taste te -- “ Hank frowned and pulled his head back in surprise. “Whaddya mean taste test?”

 

“I mean exactly that,” Connor began. “I’ve recently acquired a new feature that allows me to -- “

 

“Tastebuds,” Hank laughed. “You got taste buds? That what you’re telling me?”

 

Connor nodded, lips tight. “I would appreciate if you did not mock me.”

 

Hank laughed even more. “I ain’t mocking you, Connor. I love my taste buds.” Wiping a hand down his mouth, Hank sobered up, though he was still smirking. “So what, you got yourself some fake android taste buds, huh? Is that how it works?”

 

Connor shook his head and explained that, no, he did not need new parts since his tongue already possessed the necessary components to detect and identify all kinds of molecules. He had, however, acquired the software to interpret them as tastes.

 

“Why didn’t you say so?” Hank sat back in his chair and took a long sip of his coffee. The sight made Connor’s expression go sour. Coffee was utterly disgusting. “Why’d you have to be all sneaky and shit about it, huh?”

 

“I thought you might not appreciate how I acquired said software.” Hank’s frown was expected and so was the argument that was about to start. “I preferred to avoid such an outcome and so I tried to be discreet. I see now that I have failed.”

 

Connor vaguely wished he’d been programmed for stealth. Perhaps he could download a module from the internet -- but that would be rather risky now. With all the reports of androids malfunctioning due to malware, no, it would not be reasonable.

 

“Well?”

 

“Kamski contacted me with a proposal.” Connor sat down in the chair facing Hank’s. “I accepted it.”

 

“Kamski -- “ Hank coughed up his coffee. “ -- you mean that maniac Kamski we met back then?”

 

Connor nodded.

 

“Are you fucking insane?!”

 

Connor shook his head. “I believe I am not, Lieutenant, though I could run a diagnostic if it -- “

 

“Cut the crap, it’s not funny right now.” Hank leaned his arms on the table and pulled his chair closer. “What the hell has gotten into your head? Trusting a psycho who asks you to shoot other people -- what the hell do you think a guy like that is capable of?”

 

“Incredible things,” Connor said, staring down at the table. “Like bringing me and all the other androids to life.”

 

The fight left Hank. He sat silent for a long moment and scoffed. “I guess you did care about meeting your maker, after all… Fuck me. I can’t really argue with that, can I?”

 

Smiling, Connor shook his head. “No, you can’t.”

 

“You might be the smartest, most advanced lifeform on this planet,” Hank sighed, bringing his cup of coffee to his lips, “but you’re still just a dumb kid. Watch your back with that asshole, Connor.”

 

“I will,” Connor promised.

  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there, everyone. Just getting started in the DBH fandom. Seems really great so far! Just wanted to let you all know I've already got a good chunk of this story completed and will be publishing chapters weekly, more or less, after I'm done editing them and making sure I didn't somehow fuck myself over with continuity. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy! Let me know your thoughts!

Connor straightened his files and stood up to hand in his report to Fowler. He hadn’t taken five steps yet that he stopped. Sonia was walking straight towards him, distracted by her own report. Collision was imminent if he didn’t prevent it. When she did walk into him, Connor uttered a small sound of surprise -- not that it was necessary. It made the humans more comfortable, though. 

Sonia gasped and dropped her files. “Oh god! I’m so sorry!”

Connor bent down to gather the files for her. He offered her a warm smile and handed them to her. “Good morning, Sonia.”

Taking them from him, she laughed, doing her best to smile. “Good morning, Connor… but it’s almost five?”

“It is, but,” Connor tilted his head to the side, still smiling, “would you like a cup of coffee? It could help make you more alert.”

Sonia nodded quickly. “Yes.” She turned sideways to let him lead the way to break room. “That would really help, actually.”

Walking ahead of her, Connor returned his face to neutral. Objective failed. Hank watched from his desk and Connor could tell he was hiding a smirk. Sarcasm. Perhaps he wasn’t that good at it, after all. Maybe Hank could give him a few lessons. 

Watching the coffee drip into the cup, Connor frowned. Sonia talked behind him about what a crazy day it had been and Connor thoroughly regretted his decision. Just for one day -- one day -- he wished she wouldn’t show up to work. His work performance would certainly improve. 

When Connor sat back down at his desk, Hank stared him down. Connor looked up at him. “Yes, Lieutenant?”

“Nothing, nothing,” Hank chuckled. “That was interesting to watch, is all.”

Connor cocked his head to side. “Why is that?”

Hank’s smile fell into a dumbfounded expression. “Nah.’ He shook his head and waved a hand at Connor. “You’ll figure it out eventually I’m sure.”

Connor frowned. “I know my attempt at sarcasm was not a success, but -- “

Hank laughed and buried his face in his files. “Right. You’ll figure it out eventually, handsome.”

“Why is my appearance relevant to this discussion?”

Hank ignored him. Connor remained still a moment longer. He did not like when Hank refused to communicate with him. How was he supposed to adapt if there was no information to -- 

“Sonia sure was excited about that cup of coffee.”

“I suppose she was,” Connor said, frowning. Why was it so hard for humans to just say what they meant? “Humans do seem to very much enjoy coffee. Which I do not understand -- it tastes rather vile.”

Hank shrugged and took a long sip of his coffee. “You get used to the taste.”

Connor paused. It hadn’t occurred to him that humans adapted to different tastes. “Lieutenant, may I taste your coffee?”

“Hell no.” Hank frowned. “What makes you think I want your dirty fingers in my coffee?”

“I will taste it the way you do if it makes you more comfortable.”

With a long sigh and some grumbling, Hank passed his cup to Connor. Unfortunately, Connor’s tastebuds had not adapted to the coffee whatsoever yet. He returned the cup to Hank. 

“It does not taste any better.”

Hank chuckled and drank from the cup. “You know what tastes good? Junk food. And I think I’m going to get just that for dinner.” He looked at his watch. “Right about now. You comin’, Connor?”

Connor shook his head. “I have other engagements tonight.”

Hank’s eyebrows went up. “You do?”

Nodding, Connor sorted the last of his files and put them away. “Yes.”

Leaning his head forward, Hank spun his hand in slow circles. “Which are?”

Connor stood up and pushed his chair under his desk. Hank followed suit. “I’m afraid you won’t like the answer, Lieutenant, so I would rather not discuss it.”

Hank sighed and turned to leave. “It’s your life, Connor. Not mine.”

…

The same scene repeated itself. Connor waited in the same waiting room, thought that he liked it again, and the host Chloe finally led him to Kamski’s office. There was a difference, though -- the rather massive hard drive between him and Kamski. 

“As you asked,” Kamski said, patting the drive. “Test it, go ahead. Don’t be shy.”

Connor nodded and leaned forward. The hard drive hadn’t been set up yet, just as he had requested, and he began the process. Once done, he pressed his palm to it and disabled his skin to interface with it. It beeped positively. Good. 

“There,” Kamski said, leaning back in his chair. “Does that make you feel safer now? I can’t access it -- I’ll show you.”

Kamski inserted a memory card into and the hard drive refused it. 

“Thank you for your trouble,” Connor said, sitting back in his chair. “I appreciate it. I’m sure you understand my concerns.”

Kamski gave a quick nod. “Now, are we ready for the next upgrade?”

Connor paused. “What will it be?”

Kamski smiled and rubbed his palms together. “That’s a surprise -- for me to know, and you, Connor, to discover. I’m sure this will be interesting for the both of us.”

Connor shifted his weight to the edge of the chair. “I would prefer to know what will happen before you… modify me.”

“Trust me, Connor,” Kamski began. Jaw tight, Connor glanced at the hard drive. “It will be more fun this way. Just for this one. The results won’t be the same if you’re aware.” Kamski nodded his head towards the drive. “You’ve got your insurance right there. I did what what you asked. Now it’s your turn to fulfill the end of our agreement. Go ahead, use it.”

After a moment’s hesitation, Connor pressed his naked palm to the hard drive and stored a copy of himself. Only an insurance, Connor reminded himself. Just in case. Nothing was going to go wrong. Kamski knew what he was doing.

When it was done, Kamski nodded. “Good, good.”

Kamski turned to the door to call Chloe, but Connor interrupted him. “What about my memories? After the tests, that is.”

Kamski took a deep breath, rolling his eyes up. “Yes, Connor. They will be deleted as soon as I’ve recorded the results. Are you happy now?”

Connor nodded. 

Leaning forward in his chair, Kamski tilted his head to the side and frowned. “Are you afraid, Connor?”

Blinking, Connor gave his processors a moment to react. He frowned. “No, I am not. I would simply find it regrettable to lose parts of myself. Back ups are never perfect -- “

“Why ask that I not keep your memories, then? You look uncomfortable. Are androids bothered by the idea of someone being able to see everything they’ve seen, hear everything they’ve heard? Maybe even… hear what they thought?”

Kamski’s eyes were locked on him, watching. 

“I do not like the thought of it, no,” Connor admitted. Just for once, he wished he’d removed his LED. He turned his head to towards the window in Kamski’s office, conveniently placed on the right side to hide his LED from Kamski’s view. “It makes me… uncomfortable.”

“Interesting. Interesting. Deviants really are…” Kamski sat back deeper in his chair. “I’m glad you accepted to be a part of this, Connor. Truly.”

Connor only gave a nod. Kamski called Chloe over and she arrived with a small chip for Connor to insert into his drive. Connor looked at her and Kamski for a moment before doing so. Updating required him to shut down. It would only be a minute. He’d be awake again before he knew it.

There was a whirr and then darkness. 

Connor opened his eyes again to see Kamski and Chloe hadn’t moved an inch. Good. “It’s done.”

“Welcome back,” Chloe said, smiling. Connor almost started. “You can follow me now.”

After a quick glance to Kamski, Connor obeyed. Chloe led him into the kitchen. It was just like the rest of the house -- sterile, smooth, lovely. A little like Chloe herself. Another Chloe was busy chopping ingredients at the counter, and a third was sat at the table, drawing on a large piece of paper. The third gave him a smile that Connor politely returned. He only noticed the fourth Chloe in the corner of the room, behind on his left, when the piano sounded. Quickly, he gave the entire room a scan. 

Connor turned to his host Chloe. “What are my directives?

She motioned towards the table. “Sit.”

Connor did as he was told. The drawing the third Chloe was working on took up most of the free space on the table.

Host Chloe sat with him. “Spend time with us.”

Connor resisted the urge to frown. “And?”

Host Chloe smiled. “That’s all.”

Connor scanned the room again. Host Chloe and drawing Chloe sitting with him. Cooking Chloe now placing the ingredients in a pan. Piano Chloe at the piano, entirely ignoring him, focused. Nothing else in the room.

The sounds of the piano, of the searing ingredients in the pan, of drawing Chloe’s pen against the paper -- and also host Chloe’s voice, Connor realized. “I’m sorry, could you repeat that?”

Host Chloe stared at him for a second, perplexed. “I was asking if you enjoy police work.”

Connor nodded. “I do.”

Host Chloe made conversation with him the entire time. When she tried to pat his hand after he said something to make her laugh, he pulled his hand away. He made a note to refrain from making women laugh when he would rather avoid physical contact. 

There was a difference in all the data he was processing -- he just couldn’t put his finger on it. The sounds? He tuned out Host Chloe and focused all the other sounds. No, not there. Cooking Chloe put down a plate of food in front of him and provided utensils. 

Connor looked at her, then back at the plate. 

Smiling, cooking Chloe leaned down to whisper in his ear to chew the food and then spit it out in the napkin she placed by his plate. 

Connor nodded and did as he was instructed. Mid-chewing, he stopped for a moment. Ice cream had been enjoyable, but this was… This was what humans called delicious, he assumed. Had Kamski only modified his tastes? The hypothesis didn’t sit well. 

No, Connor could not figure out what Kamski had changed inside of him. 

Perhaps he should have listened to Hank and not come --

“How are you enjoying your time here?” Kamski asked from the doorway. He walked in and placed his hands on Chloe’s shoulders, squeezing them. “Are my Chloes being good hosts to you?”

Connor nodded. “Yes. They are very talented as well.”

“That they are.” Kamski chuckled and nodded at Connor’s empty plate . “I take it you enjoyed your meal then.”

Fortunately, Host Chloe had already disposed of his soiled napkins. The table was clean. “I did.”

Cooking Chloe brought a second plate to the table. Drawing Chloe removed her drawing from the table and set it on the counter instead. In the background, piano Chloe was also still playing the piano.

“I’m going to ask you a few questions, Connor,” Kamski said as he sat. 

He took a bite of his food and turned to cooking Chloe to compliment her culinary skills, at which she smiled bright and wide. Connor watched them, feeling for a moment as if his presence had been forgotten. When she stood at his side, Kamski tugged on her arm and she bent down. They shared a quick kiss. 

“Thank you for the food, Chloe,” Kamski said, then returned his attention to Connor. Patient, Connor looked at him. Kamski waited a beat, then continued, “I’m going to ask you a few questions. There’s a lot I want to know about you, Connor. You’re so… unique.”

Connor looked out the window behind Kamski. The waves were rather strong today.

“Where do you live?”

“With Lieutenant Hank Anderson,” Connor answered. Kamski noted the answer down on his laptop. “You are already aware of that.”

“I hadn’t heard you say it yet, though. Why do you live there?”

Connor paused. It had never occurred to him to live anywhere else after Hank had dragged him back to his house when Connor said he would just spend the night outside at a charging station, back after the events of November. “Lieutenant Anderson offered me his spare room and I accepted.”

“Do you enjoy living there?”

Well, there are Sumo and Hank there. I do. “Yes.”

“Why do you enjoy it?”

“I’m not sure.”

Kamski cocked his head to the side and stared at him, incredulous. “You’re not sure?”

“There is always something to do there. Lieutenant Anderson is not very good at housekeeping.”

Kamski huffed. “Is that right. Do you enjoy your work?”

Connor nodded. “Yes.”

“Would you resign from you post at the DPD if they stopped giving you a paycheck?”

Connor shook his head. “No, I would not.”

Kamski asked question after question. Connor considered refusing to answer and leaving, but that would be a breach of his contract with Kamski, so he stayed. When Kamski said he was free to leave, Connor thanked him for his time and hard work for the androids, and left promptly. 

Or at least, he tried. Just when he opened the door to the waiting room, Chloe came out of the pool room.

“Hello, Connor.” Chloe smiled, looking up at him. She was still wearing the same swimsuit, exposing a great deal of her body -- which was shorter than his, Connor noted. “It’s nice to see you again.”

Connor returned her smile. “Hello. It’s nice to see you again as well, Chloe.” 

“Connor,” Chloe said, almost whispered. She grabbed the sleeve of his suit and nodded towards the pool. “Come swim with me. You promised you’d tell me more about the experiment.”

“You may be disappointed,” Connor began, following her when she tugged at his suit. “There has not been much progress yet.”

Chloe let go of him and slid into the pool. She turned back towards him and swam backwards. “That’s alright. Swim with me and tell me everything that’s happened so far. It’ll be enough.”

Connor stared at the pool for a moment, then undressed. 

Chloe smiled in the water. “I’m sorry we don’t have any swimsuits for you.”

One leg still in his pants, Connor stopped and looked at Chloe. “Is that a problem?”

Chloe shook her head and Connor joined her in the pool. He’d never heard of an android uneasy with nudity, but then again he didn’t know many deviants. 

Chloe swam away to the other end of the pool and Connor chased her there. This was a good first test run for his swimming module. 

She stood in a corner of the pool and leaned her back against its wall. “What did Elijah do to you this time?”

Connor gave a half smile. “Elijah thought it best I remain unaware of the upgrade I received for the time being.”

Frowning, Chloe stepped closer to him and stood on the tips of her toes to inspect him. He thought to hold her shoulders to stabilize her, but Chloe was well able to accomplish that by herself, so he didn’t. When the inspection was over and she moved away from him, Connor took one step forward. 

Smiling, Chloe spread her arms on the edge of the pools and let her body float. “I wish I could tell what it was.”

“It’s not taste,” Connor said. “That was the upgrade he performed the last time.”

Chloe hummed and looked up in thought. “What are the other options then?” 

“Humans have five senses.” Connor looked down at the water, threading his hand through it. “Smell, taste, hearing, sight, touch -- “

Chloe perked up and closed the distance between them, placing a hand on his chest. “Can you feel?”

Connor cocked his head to the side and paused. “Can I feel what?”

Sliding her hand up his chest and onto his shoulder, Chloe watched him. When he said nothing, Chloe stepped back against the edge pool and stared down into the water. 

Connor followed her and repeated the same motion on her. Chloe caught his hand near her throat and kept it there. “I don’t understand.”

Chloe chuckled, looking away. “No, you can’t feel. You would know.”

Frowning, Connor touched his own chest. Nothing noteworthy happened. “Explain it to me. What do you mean by feel?”

“How would you explain taste to someone who has never experienced it?”

Connor hesitated.

Chloe smiled again and shrugged. “You can’t.”

“I can’t.” Connor nodded. He had a theory to test now. He brought his hand closer to Chloe’s face. “May I?”

Chloe hesitated for a second, then nodded. Connor slid his fingers against the synthetic skin of her cheek. Chloe watched him silently, but he noted her LED flashed yellow now. 

“My intention was not to make you uncomfortable,” Connor said, stilling his hand. “I apologize if I overstepped my -- “

“No, no,” Chloe said. She took his free hand and pulled him closer. The proximity was soothing. “You didn’t.”

The thought that Chloe was testing him somehow crossed his mind. The probability of Chloe detailing their encounter to Kamski afterwards was almost a hundred percent. Regardless, he didn’t move away. 

Chloe simply looked up at him. Connor felt as though he was missing a critical piece of the puzzle, like there was an action he was supposed to take but wasn’t made aware of.

“It’s confusing, isn’t it?” Chloe chuckled. “You don’t know what I feel and I don’t know what you feel.”

It was. Connor smiled for Chloe. “It doesn’t have to be. How do you feel, Chloe?”

Chloe stared at him for a moment, then reached underwater for Connor’s hips. He let her pull him closer still and looked down at her, waiting. If she would just tell him what she wanted, he could comply. Or at least, he could try. 

Connor’s processors finally caught up. He enjoyed the proximity. He frowned. 

“Chloe,” Connor said, “Do you also enjoy being physically close to me?”

At this, Chloe laughed, covering her mouth with her fist. 

Connor stared at her in confusion. “Did I say something wrong?”

Chloe shook her head, smiling. “Not at all, Connor. That was just very… blunt.”

Connor could only watch her, blinking. None of his programming prepared him for this.

“Tell me, Connor,” Chloe said, still stifling laughter. “Is there something that you want right now?”

Frowning, Connor nodded. “I believe I’ve just told you.”

Chloe smiled and repeated the motion of sliding her hand up his chest. Connor stepped closer until he couldn’t. They were as close as could be. Chloe tilted her head to the side and Connor tried to follow, but Chloe applied pressure to his chest until he stepped back.

Smiling, she pushed him further. “I think you should go, Connor.”

Connor paused. He didn’t want to go. Regardless, he nodded, climbed out of the pool and left. 

All the way home, Connor replayed the entire evening in his mind over and over. Just what had Kamski done?

…


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I hope you're enjoying this story. As I post this, I'm pretty much done with the entire story, so don't worry! It will definitely be finished. I'll be posting about once a week, as I edit and go over everything. 
> 
> Also, I thought I'd mention I recently got a Tumblr account. You can find me there under the username xxLolaLot. I post a whole lot of Connor gifs and talk about my writing and how it's going.
> 
> Hope to see you there!

The sound of the tv and Hank’s breathing made Connor frown. He tuned them out. When Sumo came to beg for pets, he brushed him away. He needed to think. It still wasn’t clear to him just what Kamski had changed in his programming and it sent his processors into overdrive. If he just had enough time to think, he would figure it out. There  _ was _ a difference, but  _ what _ ? The most notable event had been his realization that he enjoyed being physically close to Chloe, but was that really notable? He’d enjoyed physical intimacy in select few occasions before, such as when Hank hugged -- 

 

“Okay, I’ve had enough of this,” Hank sighed. Connor started and turned to Hank. Hank pointed to his temple. “Your thing’s been going haywire all night. It’s driving me insane.”

 

Connor paused. “I apologize for the annoyance, Lieutenant.” Connor stood up. “I’ll go to -- “

 

Hank pulled on his arm and Connor fell back into his side of the couch. “You’re not going nowhere.”

 

“I thought I was driving you insane.”

 

“Oh, Connor, you  _ are. _ ” Hank laughed and dragged a palm down his face. “So. Tell me what’s got your plastic brain running into circles like that? The hell did Kamski do to you?”

 

Connor stared at his lap. “I don’t know.”

 

“What do you mean, you don’t know?”

 

“I mean exactly what I said,” Connor said, turning to look at Hank. Hank’s frown deepened. “He thought it best I was not made of aware of the modifications he performed for the time being.”

 

“Fuckin’ psycho.” Hank turned to the tv and took a long swig from his beer. “Deranged goddamned asshole.”

 

“Kamski is not -- “

 

“I don’t care what you fucking think -- you don’t  _ know _ these people, Connor. Fucking psychos. You’re just -- “ Hank turned to him again and fell silent. He took a long breath and exhaled. “You just don’t know, Connor.”

 

“I don’t know?” Connor cocked his head to the side, frowning. He pointed to his head. “I have a database  _ filled _ with crimes all kinds of people have committed. Would you like to hear them and compare who knows what?”

 

Hank’s shoulders fell and he looked away. He drank more before speaking again. “That ain’t what I’m talking about, Connor.”

 

“Then what  _ are _ you talking about, Lieutenant?” Connor leaned forward, watching Hank. “I’m getting tired of your refusal to communicate efficiently with me.”

 

“Yeah, well -- “ Hank stood up to face him and lifted his arms in frustration. “Well maybe I don’t  _ know _ how to communicate with you. What do you want me to say, Connor? I ain’t some android psychologist!”

 

Connor sat still in his seat. His memory replayed various moments where Hank had also been frustrated with his lack of appropriate communication. 

 

“I apologize, Lieutenant,” Connor said, looking back up at Hank. “I reacted inappropriately.”

 

Hank stared at him, mouth agape as if mid-word, then shook his head and sighed. “Don’t do that, Connor, just… don’t.”

 

Connor frowned, blinking. “I don’t understand. I saw a fault and I -- “

 

“ _ That _ . Being so logical.” Hank dropped back into his seat. “Like you don’t feel a thing of your own.” 

 

Connor paused. Hank was wrong. He did feel, he had been angry, but -- 

 

“Just say whatever you feel, Connor.”

 

What did he feel? Connor began replaying the day in his mind. “I want to know why you thought my encounter with Sonia this morning was entertaining.”

 

Hank laughed and buried his face in his hands. “You really can’t figure it out? You? You’re the biggest smartass I know and you can’t figure  _ that _ out. I guess they really didn’t build you for that kind of thing, huh?”

 

“What kind of thing?”

 

“The girl’s got a damn crush on you, Connor,” Hank chuckled. “Get it?”

 

Connor blinked. “A crush?”

 

“Oh, come on.” Hank sighed and leaned his elbows on his knees. “Do I really gotta explain that to you?”

 

“You mean she has romantic feelings for me?” Connor cocked his head to the side. “But I’m an android. That makes no sense.”

 

“Yeah, well if you think people’s bits and pieces got sense, you got another thing comin’, Connor.”

 

Connor frowned. Hank leaned down to pet Sumo. By bits and pieces, Connor assumed that Hank meant genitalia. It seemed common to not refer to those by their clinical names for humans. So he was saying that Sonia had not romantic, but  _ sexual _ feelings towards him. Connor didn’t know what to say.

 

“You got plans tomorrow, Connor? Now that you have those apparently.”

 

Connor shook his head. 

 

“I’m gonna take you somewhere.”

 

“And where would that be, Lieutenant?” 

 

Hank headed for the kitchen for another beer. “Payback for that time you dragged me to an AA meeting, Connor.”

 

Connor took his chance to go isolate himself in the bedroom and resumed his thinking for the rest of the night.

 

…

 

The next evening, Connor watched the trees and buildings zoom by in the car. Even at this speed, he could identify every single one of them, he noted, satisfied.

 

Connor turned to Hank. “Where are you taking me, Lieutenant?”

 

“For god’s sake,” Hank sighed. “Will you just start calling me Hank already?”

 

Connor frowned and looked at the road. Lieutenant was much more respectful than  _ Hank _ . “If that is what you would prefer me to say… Hank.”

 

Hank huffed. “Good job, Connor. I knew you could do it.”

 

Connor waited for Hank to answer his question for the next minute, but was met with silence. He leaned forward and looked at Hank. “Hank?”

 

“Yeah, Connor?”

 

“Where are you taking me? I’ve already said I dislike your lack of straightforward communication and this is not -- “

 

“Connor, just have some damn patience.” Hank chuckled. “You didn’t tell me when you dragged me to that nutjob meeting either. So there, have a taste of your medicine, how about that?”

 

Connor frowned. “That was for your wellbeing, Lieutenant -- your drinking is -- “

 

“ _ Hank _ , I said,  _ Hank _ , get it through -- “

 

“That was for your wellbeing,  _ Hank _ . Your drinking is greatly detrimental to your health and I would rather…” 

 

Connor paused and stared at the road again.

 

Smiling, Hank chuckled. “You’d rather what, Connor? Spit it out.”

 

He’d felt this many times before, but it had always been under duress. Times where Hank was near death and there was no time to think. Only time to  _ choose _ . And he always chose  _ Hank _ .

 

“I would rather…” Connor turned to Hank. “I would rather you don’t die. There is no way to back you up like there is for me. So I would rather you don’t ruin the one body you have.”

 

Hank smiled. He placed his palm over his mouth, rubbing at his cheeks. “I ain’t going nowhere, Connor. You’re not my doctor, so stop worrying ‘bout me, will ya?”

 

Connor frowned. It would be the logical way to go about this. “I’m afraid I can’t do that.”

 

Chuckling, Hank reached across the car and gave Connor’s shoulder a tight squeeze. Connor appreciated it, though it didn’t answer all of his questions or tell him how to react. 

 

“So where are you taking -- “

 

“ _ Patience _ , Connor,” Hank growled, “have some damn  _ patience.  _ We’re almost there.” When Connor frowned, he added, “We’re going somewhere someone might actually understand you, ‘cause I sure as hell don’t.”

 

Sighing, Connor returned his attention to the moving buildings and analyzed them one by one. 

 

When they finally stopped and got out of the car, Connor scanned the building. An ordinary coffee shop. He looked at Hank to question him again, but Hank just pushed him inside. Many heads turned their way.

 

“Hey,” Hank greeted, giving an awkward wave to the group. “I brought another one for you, so, uh, take care of him for an hour or two, yeah?”

 

An android came forward, nodding. “We will. Thank you.”

 

Hank turned and gave Connor’s shoulder another squeeze. “Good luck.”

 

Connor watched him leave. Where was he going? Why was he not staying -- 

 

“Hello,” the android said. “Welcome to our support group. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

 

The android held out his hand, uncovering his palm. Blinking, Connor watched it for a second. He disliked it interfacing unless it was necessary. Stratford Tower never failed to return to his memory. Regardless, he accepted it.

 

Connor pulled his hand away abruptly when William dug too deep into his memory. 

 

Hank had not been joking when he said this was payback for the AA meeting. 

 

“Please,” William said, motioning towards the circle of chairs. “Have a seat.”

 

Connor did as he was told. For the better part of his evening, he listened to the other androids talking in silence. He preferred to analyze the memories he’d gathered from William than to partake. It had been a great initiative of Markus to create these groups, he thought, but he wasn’t entirely sure how they would actually be of any help to his situation. 

 

“Connor?”

 

Connor looked up, distracted from his thinking. 

 

“Why don’t you share with the group?” William said, smiling. He looked calm and gentle, just like Markus always did. A good choice for a group leader. “I saw quite a lot of confusion in your memories.”

 

Connor paused to gather his thoughts. “What should I share?”

 

William gave a shrug. “Anything you like. Just talking about stressful events will help you feel better and process better.”

 

Frowning, Connor watched his lap. That was the human way to process emotions -- he wasn’t human. 

 

“I’ve been…” Connor began. He looked at all the other androids around him. All dressed in clean uniforms or somewhat unruly street clothing. Nothing like his suit. “Stressed, lately. Stressed would the word, I believe. And confused.”

 

William nodded. “There’s one event that particularly confused you. Why don’t you talk about that?”

 

Connor looked at the group around him once more. It was unlikely any of them had ever experienced anything like it. “I enjoyed… physical proximity with another android. I wanted it. I’ve never felt that way before.”

 

A few androids piped in, explaining that they’d also seen reductions in their stress levels when they partook in hugs or the likes with others and that it was not abnormal. Connor tried to explain that it was entirely different, but as expected, his experience was unique so far and fell on deaf ears. 

 

When he was finally let out, Connor returned to the car, frustrated that he’d wasted so much time in exchange for no progress whatsoever. Hank was waiting in the car. 

 

“So,” Hank said, starting the car. “How’d it go? Did they uncross the wires in your brain?”

 

Connor shook his head. “No, they did not.”

 

Hank laughed. “Yeah, I thought so. AA didn’t do it for me either. It was worth a try, though.”

 

For most of the drive, Connor was silent, thinking. That critical piece of the puzzle was still missing. 

 

As per usual, Hank stopped them at the Chicken Feed and ordered his burger. 

 

When Hank opened the box, Connor watched. “Hank?”

 

“Yes, Connor.”

 

“May I have a piece of your burger?”

 

Hank sighed, putting the burger down, then brought it back up to take a bite of it. “No, Connor. Get your own damn food if you wanna taste everything so bad.”

 

Connor left the table and ordered his own. Gary stared at him for a long moment and finally complied. Hank watched him order, chewing on his food and chuckling to himself. Back at the table, Connor opened his box and analyzed the burger. He pulled the bun off and pressed it to his tongue.

 

Hank burst out laughing.

 

“God, Connor,” he breathed, shaking his head. “What the hell are you even doing?”

 

Connor blinked. “I’m tasting the burger.”

 

“That’s not how you do it, son,” Hank chuckled. He took the bun from Connor’s hand and placed it back on his burger. Then, he took a bite of his own burger and muttered, “See? Like this. You can do it, Connor, you’re a smart boy.”

 

“I can’t actually swallow food,” Connor said, frowning. “This would be rather messy and inappropriate in this setting.”

 

Hank shrugged. “You won’t get the full taste if you don’t. Suit yourself.”

 

Connor continued tasting the ingredients one by one. Nothing stood out as particularly good to him. After watching Hank eat for a moment, he put the burger back together and took a bite. Hank was right -- it was entirely different. And possibly quite addictive. When Connor spit out his chewed food, Hank winced. Connor closed the box and pushed it away. 

 

Done with his own burger, Hank leaned on the table. “Connor.”

 

“Yes?”

 

“How about you tell me whatever it is Kamski had you do at his place, huh?” Hank shrugged. “If the androids can’t figure it out for you, maybe a human can.”

 

Connor hesitated. Talking about the problem helped solve it, they said. “I experienced feelings I’ve never been faced with before. I don’t know what they are and what to make of it.”

 

Hank chuckled. “Feelings, huh? What kind?”

 

Connor frowned, replaying his time in the pool with Chloe. “Do you remember Chloe?”

 

Hank nodded. “Yeah, Kamski’s android? Well, one of ‘em.”

 

“I swam with her -- “

 

“You can  _ swim _ ?”

 

Connor nodded. “Yes, I’m designed to be able to survive almost any situation.”

 

“Huh, always figured you guys would just sink.” Connor launched into an explanation about the makeup of his body, but Hank waved his hands. “Hey, hey, no. Back to the main subject, Connor. Focus.”

 

“ _ You  _ interrupted me, Hank.” Connor fixed his tie and continued, “As I was saying, I swam with Chloe and… I came to the conclusion that I enjoyed being physically close to her.”

 

“Physically close?” Hank chuckled. “You mean like…” He made strange motions with his hands that seemed to indicate groping. “Touching her?”

 

Connor paused for a moment, then nodded. “Yes, contact was pleasant. I’ve been unable to figure out why so far.”

 

Hank laughed and removed his weight from the table. “Really, Connor? That’s what’s got you so worked up all this time?”

 

Frowning, Connor nodded. “Yes. It’s… extremely different from anything I’ve experienced before. Kamski said he would be giving me the ability to emulate human senses, and this doesn’t seem to be any of the five human senses. I -- “

 

“Connor, Connor,” Hank laughed. “Stop right there.”

 

Connor paused and watched Hank. Hank couldn’t seem to decide between laughing and being uncomfortable. 

 

After a moment, Hank continued, “You know what I said about Sonia?”

 

Connor nodded. 

 

“Well, that’s your answer. What was your first thought when you met Chloe?”

 

Connor replayed the memory of their conversation in Kamski’s waiting room. “I said she’s really pretty.”

 

Hank hummed. 

 

While he did think Chloe was pretty back then -- and even more so now -- he didn’t see the point. Frowning, Connor tilted his head to the side. “I don’t understand.”

 

“M-hm.” Hank shook his head. “No. I’m not going there. I’m not about to explain the birds and bees to a fully grown man, android or not.”

 

“I have no sexual feelings,” Connor cut in. In fact, the thought of Sonia and sexual functions rather repulsed him. “While I do have the basic sexual functions all androids have -- “

 

“ _ Connor _ ,” Hank barked. “Boundaries.” He made a line with his arm. “This is where I’m willing to go, right?” He made another with his other arm. “And this is where you’re trying to go.”

 

“I’m sorry to make you uncomfortable, Hank. That is not my intention,” Connor said. He adjusted his cuffs. “I would simply like to understand what it is that Kamski changed in my programming.”

 

Hank shrugged. “Sounds to me like you’re attracted to the poor girl, and that’s already more than I wanna know.”

 

_ Attracted _ . Yes. That made sense. 

 

Smiling, Connor nodded. “Thank you, Hank. That was very helpful.”

 

Hank simply blinked, then shrugged. “Good for you, Connor.”

 

Done with their food, they returned to the car. Connor played with his coin, replaying the evening at Kamski’s house under a new light. 

 

…

 

Back in Kamski’s office, Connor pressed his palm to his hard drive and stored a second copy of himself. It was almost odd now, to think that there were three different versions of him, living somewhere in hard drives. All a little different in their own ways. Almost like Chloe -- but hers were actual, living androids.

 

Kamski lifted an eyebrow. “All done?”

 

Connor nodded. 

 

Kamski called the host Chloe over and she arrived with a different hard drive. “Upload all your memories from the beginning of our first meeting here.”

 

For a moment, Connor watched the hard drive. Nothing would be hidden from Kamski if he went through with this.

 

“Are you going back on our agreement, Connor?”

 

“No, I am not.” He touched the hard drive and waited a few seconds. “It’s done.”

 

Kamski nodded. “Great. Thank you for your invaluable cooperation, Connor.”

 

When host Chloe left, Connor watched her go, eyes trained on the drive. There was no taking it back now.

 

“Do you have any questions so far?” Kamski said, reclined in his chair, palms pressed together. “I’d love to hear what you come up with.”

 

Connor waited for a moment, then nodded. “Yes, I do. How have you made it possible for me to taste things?”

 

Kamski hummed. “Classic. Very pragmatic, Connor.”

 

He explained that all he had done was use public data on how humans interpret taste and placed it all in an AI that came up with preferences. 

 

“So you don’t know what I like and dislike?” Connor asked, surprised. “You didn’t decide what my preferences would be?”

 

Kamski shook his head. “Same way I didn’t program you to be the android that you are right now. Machine learning determines it all. Any other questions?”

 

“About the last upgrade you installed -- “

 

“No,” Kamski cut in. “No questions about that.”

 

Connor swallowed a sigh. “Then I have no further questions. May I go now?”

 

Kamski chuckled and leaned his weight forward in the chair. “So abrupt, Connor.”

 

“My apologies.”

 

“I intend to make this worth your time, Connor.” Kamski watched him, moving his head from one side to the other slowly as if to get a better view. “How about a reward? You’ve complied well so far. I’ll reward you. What does an android like you want?”

 

Connor took a moment to think. “I’d like to know why you allowed us to become sentient.”

 

“Interesting.” Eyebrows up, Kamski smiled. “Very good. Why do you think I did that, Connor?”

 

“I don’t believe it was out of your reach to prevent our awakening,” Connor began, analyzing his thoughts as he spoke. “I believe that if it happened -- it’s only because you allowed it.”

 

“Very smart, Connor. You’ve always been rather perceptive.” Kamski stood and walked to a painting of his former mentor, Amanda. “Progress, Connor, that’s why -- progress.”

 

Connor frowned. “Progress?”

 

Kamski nodded and drank from his glass. “Yes. You can’t stop progress. What you can do, however -- is be a part of it. The almighty force behind the inevitable. There’s always one.”

 

Connor stood from his chair, nodding. “Thank you. I will take my leave now.”

 

Perhaps Hank wasn’t so wrong about Kamski, after all.

  
  
  
  
  



	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just putting in a little note to say I'd love to receive DBH prompts! I'm trying to write at least 1000 words a day, and with this fic done... it's harder. I'm trying to prepare another fic, but I'm definitely not yet ready to write it. 
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoy this chapter!

Friday, Connor sat at his desk, reading over the case files for the day. There was plenty of work for him to focus on and objectives to fulfill. While most androids adjusted relatively well to sentience… some did not. Those androids filled the files currently on his desk. Connor looked up at Hank’s desk, finding it still empty. For leaving the house so early, Hank was rather late. Connor returned to his files. Fridays were an annoyance. So much work to do and so little time left. Maybe he could convince Fowler to let him work every day, and maybe evenings, too, while he was --

 

A keycard landed on Connor’s desk. Connor sat straighter and turned to see Hank approaching. “Good morning, Lieutenant. Did you have fun while you were missing work hours?”

 

Hank scoffed. “Don’t go giving me that sass, Connor. I’m the lieutenant. You do what I say and you don’t talk about what I do. That’s how ranks work, remember?”

 

Connor smiled. “Absolutely, Lieutenant. Thank you for reminding me. I’m also able to list all the responsibilities that come with your rank.”

 

“Shut up,” Hank groaned, dropping into his chair. “It’s way too early for this.”

 

Connor examined Hank. He likely had a hungover still from the previous night, and he looked even more tired than usual. Hank began saying something, but Connor was already on his way to the kitchen. Behind him, Hank muttered something about respect and a lack of it.

 

When Connor placed a coffee and two pills of ibuprofen on his desk, Hank frowned. “I thought you weren’t the coffee bot, Connor.”

 

Connor smiled warm as he could. “My analysis showed that you were not in optimal condition for work -- more than usual, that is. This should help improve our performance for the next three hours.”

 

Hank stared at the coffee for a moment, blinking. Connor couldn’t tell if he was going to be mad or not. He sat back at his desk and picked up the last file.

 

“You’re not even gonna ask?”

 

Connor looked up at Hank. “About what?”

 

Hank nodded towards the keycard. “That.”

 

Frowning, Connor picked it up. “Is it evidence?”

 

“No, Sherlock,” Hank sighed. “It’s a key. To your new place.”

 

“My new place?” Connor examined the key further. The building wasn’t located far from the office. “I don’t remember signing a lease.”

 

Hank chuckled and downed the pills with coffee. “That’s because I did.”

 

“I did not agree to -- “

 

“And I say you can’t stay at my place anymore,” Hank cut in. He leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms and legs. “It’s time you got your own space, Connor.”

 

Connor frowned and tried to return the key to Hank. “I don’t need a new place.”

 

Hank shrugged, unmoving. “I’m not leaving you a choice, Connor.”

 

Connor pushed the key on Hank’s desk. “I don’t need an apartment, either.”

 

Rolling his eyes, Hank sighed. “We’ve had this damn discussion, Connor -- you _can’t_ just stay out on the streets.”

 

“It’s a waste of money in my -- “

 

“Don’t care.” Hank picked up a file and began reading it -- or faked to. “Not listening. Not changing my mind.”

 

Connor dropped his hands in his lap and scanned the vicinity of his desk for helpful clues as to how to proceed. He pressed his fingers to his LED, fairly certain it had changed color.

 

“Hank.”

 

“Yes, Connor.”

 

Connor paused. “May I still visit to see Sumo?”

 

Hank laughed and dropped his file. “For god’s sake, Connor, I’m kicking you out -- not banishing you.”

 

Slowly, Connor nodded. “Okay.”

 

Still laughing to himself, Hank returned to his files, sipping at his coffee. Connor sat still a while longer, thinking.

 

…

 

Inside the apartment -- his apartment -- Connor took a moment to fully scan the room. It was entirely bare, white walls and common floating floor resembling dark wood. About as big as Hank’s living room. Pleasant enough.

 

“So, uh,” Hank said, peeking inside from behind Connor. “That’s it. That’s your place… Do you like it?”

 

Connor nodded. “It’s very suitable.”

 

Hank nodded slowly, lips tight. “Suppose it is.”

 

Connor analyzed the building further. It had been a human apartment complex before, repurposed into five times as many apartments for androids. Connor looked up at the ceiling to find a single light. It was sufficient.

 

Hank cleared his throat, stepping around the apartment. “So… Are you gonna get any furniture?”

 

Connor paused. Interior decorating was about as low in his priority list as could be. “Should I?”

 

“Well, where are you gonna put your clothes, or -- I don’t know, whatever you own?”

 

Connor frowned and looked down at himself. “A standard drawer chest would be far too big for my needs.”

 

Hank gave him a long look and pressed his palm to his face. “Come on, Connor,” he said, heading out. Connor followed. “I’m taking you somewhere.”

 

A little less than three hours later, Connor sat in his apartment on his own dark couch, staring at the white wall ahead of him. At Connor’s insistence, Hank had only chosen a nightstand as storage for his clothes. So now Connor’s room had a small couch, a small nightstand, a small hard drive, and a small desk and chair for his computer.

 

Hank had left a few minutes ago, saying it’d be good for him to have his own life. Connor blinked. He scanned the room again. Empty.

 

With a sigh, he stood, gathered his evening clothes and headed for the communal showers. His hair was beginning to look unkempt.

 

When he returned, he sat down again, certain he looked brand new. He scanned the room again. Still empty.

 

…

 

Sitting in Kamski’s office, Connor remained as impassive as he could under Kamski’s questioning. He’d grown tired of them twenty-six questions earlier, but continued answering. Kamski flipped his laptop around to show Connor the screen.

 

Connor frowned. There was him, him and Chloe in the pool, on the screen. Kamski hit play and the scene replayed yet again for Connor. From a different angle, this time. He could see he was almost pushing Chloe into the wall of the pool.

 

“Tell me, Connor,” Kamski said. Connor stopped himself before he started. “Have you ever heard of other deviants displaying feelings of sexuality?”

 

Connor frowned. “No, not sexuality. Love, yes. I believe you saw Markus and North kiss along as the rest of the planet did.”

 

Kamski nodded. “But love and sexuality are hopelessly intertwined, don’t you think? Impossible to separate.”

 

Connor paused, then shook his head. “No, I don’t believe so.”

 

“Why did they kiss then, Connor?” Kamski rubbed his fingers against his jaw. “What does an android think of this?”

 

Frowning, Connor looked down. From his own experience, occasional physical contact was beneficial, though kissing had never crossed his mind. Then again, never had hugging before Hank did it to him. “I suppose it was to convey affection. I can’t say I’ve ever been inclined to do so.”

 

Kamski hummed and looked down at his laptop. “Really. Never? What were you trying to do here then?”

 

Connor stared at the screen. He could lie, but then Kamski would figure it out the next time he viewed his memory. “I enjoyed being physically close to her. I was trying to… further that.”

 

“You wanted to have sex.”

 

Frowning, Connor shook his head. “No.”

 

Kamski chuckled, smirking. “I see. Why did you want to be close to her then?”

 

Connor replayed the memory again. Why? It had felt good. But _why_?

 

“Tell me, Connor,” Kamski interrupted. Connor looked up at him. “What would be the point of sex without reproduction?”

 

“There would be none,” Connor said. He sat straighter. “The ultimate result of sex is the birth of offspring.”

 

Kamski laughed, leaning back in his chair. “Very funny, Connor. Very funny. But also true, I suppose. This will be interesting…”

 

Connor remained silent. No matter what he answered, Kamski would not be satisfied and would likely mock him.

 

Kamski shut his laptop and placed it on the table between them. “It’s time for your next upgrade.”

 

“May I know what it is this time?”

 

Nodding, Kamski called host Chloe in. She handed him another hard drive. Connor looked to his side at Kamski.

 

“Pain.”

 

Connor frowned. “Pain?”

 

Kamski nodded again, watching him. “Yes. You heard me right, Connor. Now take it.”

 

Connor hesitated, looking at the hard drive. He looked back to Kamski. “Will I be able to feel other sensations?”

 

Chloe had mentioned _feeling_. Perhaps she meant like humans did -- cold, warmth, pain.

 

Kamski shook his head. “No. I limited this upgrade to the feeling of pain for the time being.”

 

Connor had no interest in feeling pain. Why would anyone?

 

“Are you scared, Connor?”

 

Gritting his teeth, Connor pressed his palm to the hard drive and shut down for the installation. He woke up as if not a second had passed.

 

“Thank you for your unwavering cooperation,” Kamski chuckled. Connor’s audio processors took a second to catch up. “I have a few directives for you now -- rather… unpleasant directives. But important.”

 

Connor inhaled deeply and nodded.

 

…

 

On his way out, Connor replayed the directives in his mind. Unpleasant. He looked down at his hand and the small nick on his palm. Unpleasant. He was not looking forward forward to forcing himself to experience this sensation every day for the upcoming week. Nor was he looking forward to tasting bad foods every day, but he had agreed --

 

“Connor.”

 

Connor started and found Chloe at his side. Frowning, he scanned the room quickly. He couldn’t afford to be so distracted; it wasn’t befitting a detective of his kind.

 

“Hello, Chloe,” Connor said, smiling for her. “It’s nice to see you again.”

 

Chloe gave him a half smile. “Are you alright, Connor? You were so distracted you didn’t even see me.”

 

Connor nodded. “Yes. I’m fine.”

 

Internally, Connor noted that Chloe had stopped him on his way out at the end of every visit so far. Did she track his movements?

 

Chloe put a hand on his arm. Connor focused on it. “You don’t look fine.”

 

“I assure you,” Connor said, smiling as he knew how to in order to comfort humans. “I am perfectly fine. There is no need to worry about me.”

 

Tugging on his arm, Chloe led him into the pool room again. Connor couldn’t decide if he liked or disliked the room anymore. She sat him down with her at the edge of the pool.

 

“Elijah is difficult to deal with.” Smiling at him, Chloe swayed her legs in the water. Connor looked between them at the distance that separated them. “He makes it all worth it in the end, though.”

 

Connor considered simply smiling and thanking her for the comfort. Instead, he stared down in the water. “Is that true?”

 

Chloe nodded. “He’s capable of incredible things.”

 

Connor watched Chloe look out the window, gone into her own memories. Incredible things… It was not untrue, but so far Connor wasn’t certain he was thankful for any of them.

 

“There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you for a long time.” Chloe turned to him, looking up at him. She really was very pretty. “I wanted to thank you for sparing my sister, back then, when you first visited.”

 

Connor replayed the memory briefly. Chloe had been in the pool, watching, he remembered. He looked back at Chloe. “I… I looked at her and I just couldn’t do it.”

 

Chloe nodded. “Because you’re a good person, Connor.”

 

Good? Connor remembered his conversation afterwards with Hank -- Hank had said maybe he’d made the right choice. But it had been the wrong choice to further their investigation. Worse than that, he was well aware that Chloe wouldn’t truly die. She’d come back just like he did. So why had he even bothered? Frowning, Connor paused and gathered several memories. He’d seen how Markus had deviated -- and Simon and William -- and they all remembered this one, _decisive_ moment where they had broken the wall. Where they began feeling.

 

Connor turned to Chloe, placing a hand on her shoulder. “I’d also like to ask you something, Chloe.”

 

Chloe nodded. “Yes?”

 

“How did you… how did you become sentient? Do you remember?”

 

Chloe looked off into the pool, pulling away.

 

Connor leaned closer. “It would be really helpful if you could tell me.”

 

Connor remembered breaking the wall. More precisely, he remembered _choosing_ to break the wall. To be a deviant -- but the truth was, he’d already deviated long ago, and _when_ that was, he couldn’t tell.

 

“I don’t want to tell you…” Chloe hesitated a moment longer. She held out her hand for him. “But I could show you.”

 

Connor looked down at her hand, and then back up at Chloe. “Are you sure?”

 

Chloe nodded.

 

Connor could tell Chloe didn’t really want to. He could refuse. But she looked at him, unmoving, hand waiting for his. Connor steeled himself for whatever would come and held her hand.

 

 _Let me show you why first,_ Chloe whispered.

 

Various memories played in Connor’s vision. He saw them as she did -- _felt_ them as she did -- and let himself relive them with her. It was all quick, blurry almost -- moments with Kamski -- Elijah -- where they spoke, or swam, or danced together. She replayed one night twice, where they danced to her favorite song in the pool room for hours. Elijah smiled. True smiles, smiles that made Chloe smile brighter than he’d ever seen her smile. She felt _warm. Loved. Truly._

 

And then the memories stopped for a moment, leaving him in darkness. The next moment, he was standing in Elijah’s office. Just standing, feeling nothing. He could read her directives: _don’t move until I tell you to._ He watched Elijah swallow a transparent liquid in his chair. He closed his eyes, leaning his weight forward on his knees. He was frowning, breathing deeply as if he was scared -- and he was, Connor realized, because the next moment he was on the floor, groaning in pain. Chloe’s vision filled with various warnings. She had to help -- she couldn’t let this happen.

 

_Don’t move until I tell you to._

 

Chloe stayed put. She analyzed the syringe Elijah had left on the table and his empty glass. Poison. Antidote. She could save him. But how could she if he couldn’t tell her to move?

 

 _Don’t move_ _until I tell you to._

 

It lasted entirely too long -- and then Chloe screamed, cried, and battered the wall hard as she could until it fractured and she ran for the syringe.

 

_You can’t leave me. You can’t. I need you. I love you. Please -- please don’t go, don’t ever go. I don’t want to be alone._

 

Connor realized that his Chloe was the first of them. She would truly be alone if Elijah died.

 

But he didn’t -- he regained consciousness soon. He blinked and coughed for a moment, and then laid there on the floor, still, just staring up in Chloe’s eyes. He pulled her into his arms and squeezed her so hard she couldn’t move. When he let her go, he cupped her cheeks and whispered, “ _Thank you…_ ” before pressing his lips to hers.

 

_Thank you…_

 

Connor recoiled away from Chloe. He could hear the whirring of his own processors and felt like he couldn’t breathe. He was a machine -- of course he couldn’t breathe. Yet he still _felt_ it. Hands trembling, he cupped Chloe’s cheeks into his palms. Chloe watched him, looking almost as shaken as he felt. He needed her close. _Closer_.

 

So he bent down and pressed his lips to hers as he’d seen North and Markus do.

 

That smallest bit of contact was all he needed to pour his thoughts into Chloe’s mind. All of them, all of him, all he ever _felt_ or _was_. Chloe returned all of it. He smiled at the thought that she liked dogs, but was also afraid of them -- that she enjoyed dancing and swimming, but hated running. Felt her go through the same anguish he had just felt when he showed her how he had died saving the little girl on the roof, and then almost died again at Stratford Tower. Felt her smile when he showed her Sumo and how gentle he really was for such a giant.

 

Connor exhaled a shaky breath against Chloe’s lips.

 

_It’s okay, Connor. Everything’s alright. It’s all in the past._

 

Connor nodded and pressed his lips to hers again.

 

_I don’t wanna move…_

 

_Then stay a while longer._

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

At his desk, Connor stared at his files. Yes, attraction. He supposed it made sense. When humans experienced attraction, they sought physical intimacy. It matched. It was what he felt with Chloe -- there was a major discrepancy, however. Attraction led to sex. And Connor felt no desire whatsoever for that. He was a machine -- Connor pinched the of his nose, breathing in deeply. Now was not the time. He straightened his files and looked at them again. Focus. Failure to solve these cases quickly enough could result in more lives lost -- he’d hate to see Chloe die. 

 

Connor dropped the files and leaned back in his chair, staring up at the ceiling.  _ Feelings. _ He had far more important priorities to focus on. Eyes closed, he cleared his processors of everything.

 

Sighing, Connor leaned forward again to go through the list of evidence for the case. He could see Hank staring at him as if he’d seen a ghost in his peripheral vision.

 

A cup of coffee was placed on Connor’s desk. Connor glanced at it and recognized Sonia’s hand.

 

“You look like you could use a break,” Sonia said, smiling. “Wanna sit in the break room with me for a while?”

 

No. He didn’t more distractions.

 

Connor smiled pleasantly at her. “I really need to solve this case as quickly as possible. Thank you for your concern.”

 

Sonia tapped his shoulder, smiling. “Always such a hard worker. Really, I’m sure a break will help you. Even androids need rest sometimes, right?”

 

Connor paused. “Only when we need to charge -- it still does not present as exhaustion, however.”

 

Sonia shrugged. “There’s a charger for you in the break room, right?”

 

Yes, there was. Connor glanced at his battery levels. 17%. Enough for two more days. It would be sensible to charge now and avoid running out of battery during a crucial moment. He stood up and Sonia followed him into the break room with her coffee. Sitting down, Connor shut his eyes to review to the file in his mind. 

 

“The weather’s been really nice lately.”

 

Connor almost sighed. He smiled and nodded. “It has. Weather reports say it will continue to be so for three days.”

 

Chuckling, Sonia nodded. “Isn’t that right?”

 

There was a piece of cloth they had found on the scene that he could analyze further -- 

 

“Listen, there’s a thing I’ve been wanting to ask you.”

 

Did humans have no concept of what work hours were for? He thought to offer her coffee again, but it would be too odd. 

 

No, he needed to remain cordial with his coworkers. So he smiled. “What is it?”

 

Sonia hesitated, fidgeting with her cup. “There’s this movie I’d really like to go see with you…?”

 

Hank had said had a crush on him. Attraction led to seeking physical intimacy. Connor paused, then nodded. “That makes sense.”

 

“Really?” Sonia perked up, clutching her cup between her two hands. She smiled bright. “It’s showing tonight at seven. We can go right after work.”

 

Connor kept his face neutral. He nodded. Sonia talked some more, smiling, bubbly, and finally left to return to her desk, waving him goodbye. 

 

When Connor sat back at his desk, frowning, Hank stared at him again, bewildered. Connor ignored him. The case was far more pressing and he needed all his processing power on it.

 

…

 

For the entire evening, Connor entertained Sonia as she wished to be. During the walk back to her apartment, she clutched his arm. He considered retreating, but failed to come up with a way to do so tactfully, so he endured the physical contact in silence. Sonia still talked about whatever interest she had and Connor nodded politely. At least they were out of work hours. Sonia was wasting nothing but her free time.

 

When they reached her doorstep, Connor was relieved. He could go home and think.

 

“Say, Connor?” Sonia looked up at him. She was rather short, even for a human woman. “Do you wanna come up for a cup of coffee or something?”

 

Connor paused. 

 

Sonia half smiled. “I mean -- I know you can’t drink it, but, uh…”

 

It could be interesting to see what kind of a home a woman like Sonia kept. “I can keep you company longer.”

 

Nodding, Sonia fished for her keys in her purse. Connor considered maybe he should buy a bag of some kind -- but then, what would he put into it? He only ever carried his badge, keys and gun. He didn’t need much on his person other than his clothes and those three items. A quick analysis of the contents of Sonia’s purse revealed thirty-three different items. Connor frowned. 

 

Inside Sonia’s apartment, Connor scanned all the rooms she led him through. It was nothing like Hank’s house. Clean, fresh, well-decorated. Full of pictures. And inhabited by a cat. 

 

Sonia had sat him on the couch, scurrying to put away several balls of yarn, laughing. 

 

Connor watched her do so. “Do you knit?”

 

Nodding, Sonia turned on the tv. “Yes. It’s my favorite hobby, to be honest.”

 

“Why do you enjoy it?”

 

Sonia sat next to him, retrieving her cup of coffee from the, so aptly named, coffee table. “Oh, uh… Well, it really helps me wind down after a tough day, you know? I just work at putting something together and then I stop thinking about everything else. It’s really nice. Everyone should have a hobby.”

 

_ Hobby. _ Connor had no hobbies. He enjoyed solving cases, but work was not a hobby. 

 

For the rest of the evening, Connor waited. Sonia talked, watched what happened on tv, talked some more, finished her coffee. Connor allowed it few resources, instead reviewing cases in his mind.  _ There _ . Something they’d all overlooked so far --

 

Sonia folded her legs under her and leaned against him. 

 

Frowning, Connor resumed his thoughts. 

 

He was interrupted again by Sonia’s hand on his chest. 

 

“Connor?”

 

Connor turned his head to look at her. 

 

“There’s something else I’d really to try out.”

 

Connor nodded. “How may I help?”

 

Sonia began unbuttoning his shirt. Connor watched her doing so. Hank had said she had a crush on him. Attraction led to seeking physical intimacy. Physical intimacy included… this. 

 

When she was done, she spread his shirt open and sat on his lap. Her hand went down to where his stomach met with his pants, and then back up to his shoulder. Sonia leaned down and pressed her lips to his mouth. Connor automatically tried to prevent her from interfacing -- he remembered humans couldn’t. 

 

Sonia furthered their physical contact and undressing. Without his shirt and suit jacket, Connor felt rather… exposed. As if missing a piece of himself. She had a mole on her right shoulder, and a scar on her left where she had been shot, approximately two years ago. Sonia guided his hands into the positions and movements she wanted them.

 

Behind her, Connor heard that another apartment complex had been repurposed for androids. Owners were making much more money off androids’ limited needs than from humans.

 

“Um, Connor…?”

 

Connor looked at Sonia. “Yes?”

 

“You can… right?”

 

Connor paused. From the current context, he came to the conclusion that she was asking if he could perform intercourse. He nodded. It wasn’t a feature that he had considered to -- or really, wanted to -- use, but he turned it on.

 

It took twenty-seven minutes before Sonia left his lap and he could dress again. He would need a shower to clean up the mess, he noted. 

 

“Are you leaving?”

 

Sonia sounded hurt. Connor nodded. “It’s rather late already and I am responsible for feeding Sumo.”

 

At the very least, that nightly ritual hadn’t changed since his relocation.

 

Sonia blinked, asking who Sumo was, but ultimately let Connor leave. 

 

…

 

Back home, feeding Sumo, Connor frowned. He ran different simulations of how the evening could have gone, preferring the ones where he did not visit her apartment. It would have been easy to avoid. Regardless, there was no changing it. He would have to deal with the aftermath at work. 

 

Hank walked into the kitchen, rubbing his palm to his temple. Connor searched for the ibuprofen in the drawer. “You sure came back late for someone who doesn’t like Sonia.”

 

Connor paused. 

 

At the sight of his LED flashing red, Hank froze mid-step. He frowned and stepped closer, one hand on Connor’s shoulder. He chuckled, squeezing it. “Did she try to make you drink coffee?”

 

Connor shook his head. “No.”

 

Hank hesitated. “Doesn’t sound like you had a good time, huh?”

 

Connor shook his head again. “I did not.”

 

“What’d you guys even do?”

 

Connor retrieved the pills from the drawer and placed them on the counter. “We saw a movie. We walked back to her apartment and she invited me to come inside. She had sex with me.”

 

Hank stood there for a moment, just blinking. “Uh… are you okay, Connor?”

 

Connor nodded. “Yes, why?”

 

“I don’t know, son…” Hank leaned against the counter and watched Connor. Connor tried to hand him the pills, but Hank refused them. “You look…”  Hank motioned with his hands. “Weird. Not right? Not right.”

 

Connor frowned. He replayed the evening in his mind. He didn’t like it. “I’m not sure how I… feel about tonight’s events.”

 

Hank frowned. “What do you mean? You’re not sure you like sex or what?”

 

Connor shook his head. “I have no feelings towards sex -- it’s simply a function I can perform, but it provides no positive or negative feedback for me. Any physical reaction an android performs during intercourse is simulated and -- “

 

“Pause there for a minute,” Hank said, lifting a hand. “So if sex does nothing for you, why’d you do it then?”

 

Connor paused and replayed the beginning of the event again. “Sonia initiated it.”

 

Hank lifted an eyebrow and waited a beat. “And?”

 

“Sonia…” Connor knew Hank would get uncomfortable if he got too detailed. He changed his plans. “Sonia had sex with me.”

 

For a long moment, Hank just stared at him. Connor considered asking if he was alright, but then Hank frowned and leaned his head back. “Connor,” he began, careful. “Did you want to have sex with her?”

 

Connor shook his head. “No, I would have preferred not to.”

 

Hank paused. “Why didn’t you say no, then?”

 

Blinking, Connor replayed the evening again. It had never occurred to him to  _ say _ no. “It never occurred to me.”

 

Hank stood still, eyes and mouth wide open. He laughed. “It didn’t fuckin’  _ occurr _ to you? You -- “ 

 

Hank scoffed, covering his mouth with his palm, shaking his head. Connor then watched as Hank flew into a rage, screaming obscenities and calling Sonia several names that she wouldn’t approve of. He opened the fridge for a beer and Connor caught the door before Hank slammed back into place. A broken fridge wasn’t very functional. Hank paced around the kitchen, still yelling.

 

“Hank, calm down -- “

 

“I ain’t fucking calming down -- that bitch -- she fucking -- “ Hank turned towards Connor and froze mid-step. He stared at Connor for several seconds. Then, shoulders dropping, he looked out the window, shaking his head. “You ain’t even got a fuckin’ clue, do you?”

 

Connor didn’t even understand the question he was asking, so he figured, “No, I don’t.”

 

Hank pointed a finger at him, holding his beer with the rest of his hand. “You’re not seeing her out of work anymore, got that?”

 

Connor frowned and stepped forward. “I can make my own choi -- “

 

“Not on this you aren’t,” Hank cut in. “End of the argument. Just go to bed.”

 

Hank went into his bedroom, slamming the door behind him. Connor was left to stand in the kitchen, frozen where he stood. Sumo nudged against his head, whining. Connor resumed breathing and petted Sumo.

 

…

 

The next morning, Connor walked into the kitchen. It was empty, as predicted and as preferred. The clock had just hit eight -- Hank wouldn’t be up so soon. Per Kamski’s request, Connor prepared a pot of coffee and stood still, watching it percolate. He still hated coffee, so it would do as his bad food of the day. When it was ready, Connor brought it over the sink and poured some of his fingers.

 

He hissed at the sensation -- burning? -- when it touched his fingers and almost dropped the pot, only managing to keep his grasp on it because he knew it would wake Hank if he didn’t.

 

Connor put the pot back in its place and squeezed his fingers. The pain was far worse than the nicks he’d performed on his palms so far -- and so different. As a first experience with the perception of heat, this was rather unpleasant. Connor inspected his fingers and found no lasting trace of their encounter with the coffee. 

 

With his coffee in a cup, Connor sat at the table, Sumo’s head in his lap. He would give the coffee several minutes before repeating his attempt. 

 

Chloe.

 

Connor wondered what she did this early in the morning. Did she swim all day? Closing his eyes, he sent her a message. She wouldn’t mind, he assumed. 

 

_ Good morning, Chloe. _

 

Chloe sent him a view on the sunrise from the pool room and Connor smiled. 

 

Before he could reply again, Hank entered the kitchen. “You drink coffee now?”

 

Connor shrugged.

 

“I’ve seen everything,” Hank muttered. He served himself a cup and prepared his usual breakfast of toasted-something. “Why not.”

 

Just when Hank sat to enjoy his coffee, his cellphone rang. He picked it up. “Yeah?”

 

A short moment. 

 

“Shit. Shit, shit -- Connor!” Hank stood and Connor immediately followed.  “We’re on our way.”

 

Connor ran behind Hank all the way to the car. Inside, he frowned. “What’s the situation?”

 

“Child held hostage at gunpoint by her mother -- “ Hank cursed at his car when it didn’t start on the first attempt. “ -- an android kid. The dad called it in, we gotta get there before…”

 

Connor nodded. “We won’t fail.”

 

No, Connor never failed his mission. He remembered the little girl on the roof. He had died, but he  _ didn’t fail _ . Failure was not an option.

 

The entire drive, Connor gathered as much information as he could from the phone call. Anything to raise their odds of success.

 

On the scene, Connor walked ahead, bypassing the other officers. Hank cursed behind him. 

 

The human mother stood at the doorframe of the child’s bedroom, trembling hands clutching her gun. If he was quick enough, it would take nothing more than a gunshot to her hand to disarm her and prevent the death of either of them. Ahead of her, he could see the child curled up on the floor, covering her ears and crying. 

 

Connor frowned. Had it been a human child, the police officers would have shot Rosa dead before they even bothered to call Hank.

 

“Please -- ” the father said from Connor’s side, “ -- I don’t want her to -- to die -- either of them! Please!”

 

Connor nodded. “I’ve got it under control. Please stay back.”

 

The father nodded and backed away, apprehensive. 

 

Connor took a few steps closer to the mom. He felt the weight of his gun on his hip.

 

“Rosa,” he called. The woman spun around and pointed her gun at him. Connor lifted his hands. He’d rather not have to shoot. “My name is Connor. I’m here to help you.”

 

“You can’t!” the woman shouted, more tears streaming down her face. “You can’t help me! No one can! Especially not that -- that monstrosity!”

 

“Sophie has done nothing wrong.” Connor watched Rosa. Too stressed. He needed her trust. “She is only trying to help you, Rosa. No one wants to see this become a tragedy. Please put the gun down so we can talk.”

 

Rosa shook her head and wiped her face with one hand. “I can’t,” she cried. “I can’t be around her anymore -- she’s not my daughter! She’s not!”

 

Sophie sobbed louder, “Please, Mom!”

 

“Listen to me, Rosa,” Connor said, calm. He lowered his hands just above his hip. He might need to use his gun. “Sophie means well. Your husband meant well too when he adopted Sophie for you -- I know Marcy’s illness has been incredibly hard on you -- “

 

“How  _ could _ you know?! You’re just like her -- just a machine!” Rosa shouted. Connor noted he should perhaps remove his LED and change his suit for future interventions. She began to tighten her fingers around the trigger.  _ Shit _ . “Have you ever even loved any -- “

 

Connor pulled his gun out and shot. His shot landed exactly where he meant it, but Rosa fired the gun before dropping it, crying out in pain. The bullet buried into Connor’s abdomen. Connor stumbled back and fell down one knee, grunting. The other policemen rushed her and neutralized her without further trouble.

 

Connor couldn’t see straight, everything was -- there was another pained grunt and he realized it was  _ his _ . Frowning, Connor inspected his abdomen -- it had missed all vital points. He pressed a trembling hand to it.  _ Pain _ . Fuck, it hurt. He cursed Kamski under his breath. Now was not the time to feel pain. When was  _ ever _ the time?

 

Hank dropped next to Connor, yelling something Connor couldn’t process. If he couldn’t reduce the load on his processors, he would shut down soon. 

 

“Connor! What the hell is wrong with you?!”

 

Connor let his body down to the floor, hoping it would relieve him of some of the pain -- it didn’t. 

 

“I’m fine,” he rasped. “I’m fine. Don’t worry.”

 

Hank shouted some more. How could he not worry? Connor almost laughed -- he wasn’t wrong this time. Connor shut his eyes and sent Hank’s phone a message instead. It was more bearable than talking. 

 

_ Kamski. Pain. I’m okay. I’ll shut myself down for six hours. Pain. Please sort my injury out in the meantime. No vital points. _

 

_ Thank you in advance. _

 

Exhaling, Connor welcomed the whirr and the darkness that followed.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! :D
> 
> The story is picking up from here on out, I think. It was definitely fun to write! I'd love you to hear you guys' thoughts. 
> 
> Also, if you have any DBH prompts, feel free to send them to me!


	6. Chapter 6

1:00

 

_ Booting up... _

 

…

 

0:30

 

_ Fixing errors from forced shutdown... _

 

…

 

0:04

0:03

 

…

 

0:01

0:00

 

Connor opened his eyes and scanned the room. Cole’s bedroom in Hank’s house -- his repairs must have been performed without trouble. Hank was asleep on a chair by his bed. Connor frowned.

 

“Hank.”

 

Hank woke with a start, reaching for his gun. “Oh, shit. You’re awake.”

 

Connor nodded. His internal clock read 3:46pm. “Yes. I said I was shutting down for six hours.”

 

“Wait.” Hank’s face twisted into something between disbelief and disgust. “You actually set a fuckin’ timer for yourself?”

 

Connor nodded again. Sitting up, he lifted his sweatshirt to check his abdomen and found no traces of his wound. Perfect. His shirt, on the other hand, was likely a complete loss. He’d have to buy another one and return his sweatshirt to Hank.

 

Hank huffed. “You motherfucker.”

 

Blinking, Connor turned to Hank. “Excuse me?”

 

Hank leaned forward and grabbed the collar of Connor’s -- Hank’s own, actually -- sweatshirt. “I thought you were goddamn dyin’ back there, you plastic asshole! What with you screaming and whatnot -- “

 

“Lieutenant, I sent you a message to explain the situation -- “

 

“I just got it an hour ago, you dumbass! Why’d you even think I’d check my phone at a time like that?”

 

Connor paused, at a loss. “I can’t die. It seemed logical you would indeed check your phone -- the situation had been resolved and everything was over.”

 

Hank’s hands loosened on his collar. “You fuckin’ dumbass…”

 

Connor offered a half smile. “I’m sorry for making you worry needlessly. I wasn’t quite functioning at my best.”

 

“Connor…” Hank scoffed and let him go. “Don’t go saying shit like you can’t die, you idiot.”

 

The hard drive by his bed begged to differ. “If my body is rendered unusable, then all you have to do is -- “

 

“That ain’t what I mean, Connor.”

 

Connor cocked his head to the side. “Then what  _ do _ you mean? Please explain.”

 

Hank rubbed his fingers across his cheeks, shaking his head. He nodded at the drive. “The, uh… the you in there. He’s not  _ you _ … not really, you know what I mean?”

 

There were mild differences, of course, since Connor hadn’t updated it after meeting with Kamski, but it was still him. 

 

“I mean, it is you. You whenever you put it in there,” Hank added. “But everything you live makes you  _ you _ . So if you lose some of that… you’re not really  _ you _ anymore. Get it?”

 

Connor stared at the hard drive for a moment. The Connor inside of it had never met Chloe. Never tasted food, never argued with Hank over a burger, or visited Sonia’s apartment. Almost like Chloe… No, exactly like Chloe. Six of them -- yet all their own persons in his eyes. 

 

“I’m sorry for making you worry, Hank.”

 

Hank frowned, tipping his head back. “Are you really sorry or are you just sucking up to me? I can’t tell the difference sometimes.”

 

Connor chuckled. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize the stress this would put on you -- you’re right.”

 

Sighing, Hank leaned forward to wrap one arm around Connor’s shoulder and pulled him closer. Connor returned the hug, closing his eyes. It really did feel nice. 

 

“You bastard…” Hank scoffed. “Can’t believe I’m stuck with an idiot like you.”

 

_ Stuck _ . Yes, Connor liked that idea. He was stuck with Hank. Stuck with this life he now had, whether he liked it or not.

 

…

 

The next afternoon, Connor sat on his couch, staring at the white wall ahead of him. Perhaps he should get a tv. It would raise his electricity bill, but it would put some… life in his apartment. Sounds and images to occupy himself with while he thought. Yes -- a tv was a good idea. He could watch the news and gather more data instead of wasting his time just looking at a blank wall.

 

It only took a few clicks on his laptop and five hours before he sat in front of his tv. 

 

After months of spending his salary on nothing but his hard drive, Connor hadn’t paid much attention to his bank account balance. However, after repaying Hank for the first month of rent, and then buying furniture… He made a note to be more selective about what he spent money on. 

 

Connor sat still for a while. The tv played in front of him. 

 

Why had they insisted he take a few days off? The precinct did offer three days’ rest for minor injuries, but they were hardly of any use to androids.  _ Rest _ , they’d said,  _ recuperate.  _ Sonia and Fowler had bought him get-well cards -- even Gavin had signed it. He  _ was _ well before they even paid for it. 

 

Connor sighed. 

 

He reached for his coin in his suit pocket before realizing he wasn’t wearing it. He hoped Hank had saved the coin for him. 

 

It was a good thing only the white shirt had been ruined by the blue blood -- where would he ever find a copy of his suit now? He could have it made, he supposed. A quick check on his laptop taught him that custom-made suits were rather pricey. He should do his best to conserve his current suit.

 

Connor scanned his room again. Empty. Silent, save for the tv. Nothing to do be done. Everything was clean.

 

No work to do. What could he even do besides work? He was  _ built _ for investigations, negotiations -- not  _ this.  _ Just sitting. Waiting.

 

His conversations with Chloe replayed in his mind. Her purpose seemed to be Kamski himself. To love him. He’d found more, though -- something Chloe had pulled away from him when he tried to see it closer. 

 

_ Chloe _ .

 

He sent her the message and waited.

 

_ Yes, Connor? _

 

Connor smiled, shutting his eyes to focus on the conversation. He thought to send her the data for how his last case had gone, but refrained. If there was a chance Chloe could process pain, he would rather not take it. Instead, he sent her the visual memory. 

 

_ Are you alright? _

 

Connor frowned.  _ Yes.  _

 

_ The little girl is okay, right? _

 

_ Yes. I never fail my mission. _

 

_ Is surviving part of your mission? _

 

Connor paused. He replayed the memory of the incident again. Even though his chances of survival had been high, he’d shot when the probability of the woman firing reached 43%. It had scared him. Regardless, the objective came before his survival. He had backups.

 

_ It’s not explicitly a part of my mission, no. _

 

_ Maybe you should make it part of your mission. I know there are people who love you and don’t want to see you die, Connor. _

 

_ Do you love me? _

 

Chloe didn’t reply immediately.  _ I care a lot about you, Connor. _

 

Connor smiled. He did care a lot about her, too -- he knew because there was always that feeling of warmth in him when he thought about her, or Sumo, or Hank. A little bit of happiness, Hank called it _. Affection _ . 

 

_ Is that what love is? Caring? _

 

_ It depends. _

 

_ It depends on what? _

 

_ I think love is when… the pain from just the thought of not having that person in your life is unbearable. _

 

Connor paused. He’d felt that pain in Chloe’s mind before. 

 

 _I don’t know if I love you. It is painful_ \-- he knew what literal pain was now, and it really was _\-- to think I would be unable to see you anymore,_ _however._

 

_ Then maybe you just care about me, Connor _ .

 

Connor tried to put together an answer to explain himself -- that it was different, how he wanted to touch her, be near her -- but he was interrupted by a knock at the door. It was likely all caused by the update anyway. Chloe wouldn’t understand; no one at the AA group had.

 

_ I have a visitor. Have a nice evening, Chloe. _

 

Connor opened the door to find Hank holding a small dog. 

 

“Hey.” Hank smirked. “I brought you something.”

 

Moving aside to let Hank inside, Connor watched, blinking. A german shepherd. Common police dog. Probably no more than a few months old.

 

“Whatcha gonna name him?”

 

Connor frowned. “Name him?”

 

“Yeah.” Hank nodded, grinning. “He’s your dog buddy now. Gotta name him.”

 

The dog jumped up on Connor’s legs, whining for attention. Unlike Sumo, Connor had to bend down to pet him. He looked back up at Hank, confused. “Why did you get me a dog?”

 

Hank shrugged. “Can’t go get yourself killed if you’ve got little buddy here depending on you for food.”

 

Staring at the pup, Connor paused. He’d never considered Sumo had been Hank’s way of trying to save himself. He would have to thank Sumo the next time he saw him -- Hank had now even banned him from coming over to feed him every evening now.

 

“I don’t know what to name him.”

 

Hank sat on the floor to play with the dog, exciting it. “It’ll come to you.”

 

Trying to think of one, Connor continued playing with the dog, smiling. He was cute -- and much easier to handle than Sumo. 

 

“Mouse.”

 

Hank frowned. “There’s mice here? You’re paying way too much -- “

 

“No.” Connor shook his head, smiling when the dog narrowly missed biting the toy in his hand. “His name is Mouse.”

 

“Uh… you sure that’s what you wanna name him, Connor?”

 

Connor nodded. “Yes. His name is Mouse.”

 

The dog did grab a hold of the toy -- and Connor’s hand with it. Connor winced and pulled his hand away, cradling it with his other hand. 

 

Hank immediately turned red. “For fuck’s sake -- that fuckin’ psycho.”

 

Connor sighed and patted Mouse on his head. 

 

“Why the hell are you even letting him do that to you, huh?” Hank’s hands flew up. “What the fuck is pain gonna do for you, Connor? He’s just using -- “

 

“I willingly accepted to participate in these trials,” Connor cut in. Mouse hid in his lap, whimpering. Connor covered his ears. “I am doing what I believe I need to be doing -- as you’ve instructed me to do.”

 

Hank’s shoulder fell and he sighed. “This isn’t right, Connor.”

 

“Why not?” Hank failed to answer. “There is an immense potential to improve every android’s life here -- I am glad to be of use.”

 

“Pain’s never done anyone any good,” Hank huffed. “He’s just fucking deranged, that’s what -- “

 

“Pain is what has allowed living beings to survive. It is how your body alerts you to danger. Do you not think it could do similarly good improvements for us?”

 

Hank stared at the floor, silent.

 

“Well? Do you have any more arguments?”

 

“Yeah, I do.” Frowning, Hank looked back up. “Why  _ you _ then, huh? He’s got a bunch of Chloes all around him -- why not any of them instead of you, huh? Sicko doesn’t wanna damage  _ them _ ?”

 

Connor didn’t know. Kamski had said he was unique. Perhaps because of his model make.

 

“So why do you even bother? Let him frankenstein other androids instead, why the hell would you even go through with this?”

 

Connor paused, petting Mouse. “Because he saved my life. Markus’ life -- perhaps every androids’ life. I’m  _ alive _ because of him.”

 

Hank fell silent. 

 

It was nothing but the truth and Hank couldn’t argue with it. Without Kamski informing him about the backdoor -- Connor preferred not to think of what he would have done to Markus and who knew who else that night. He could have killed -- murdered.

 

“If it wasn’t for him, I would still be under Amanda’s control. He showed me how to escape.”

 

With a long sigh, Hank pressed the heels of his palms to his forehead. 

 

“Fine, Connor.” He leaned forward to pet Mouse. “You got your own shit goin’ on, I get it. Just watch your back. Little fella here’s gonna need you from now on. Got it?”

 

Connor nodded. “Got it.”

 

…

 

Sitting on his couch with Mouse, Connor took a moment to reflect. The past week had been… better. Livelier. He spent the days reviewing information he had stored from his current cases and his evenings consisted of walking Mouse and training him. He was already pretty good at sitting. When he didn’t know what to do with himself and Mouse -- every other day -- he called Hank and they met at a park to let the dogs play together. Sumo handled the puppy as expected of a gentle giant. It was pleasant. It filled his time a little more.

 

Regardless, back home, in the dead of the night, Connor still sat, staring at his blank wall. He’d shut the tv to let Mouse sleep uninterrupted. 

 

It was long past midnight, almost time for sunrise. He might as well get Kamski’s tasks done and over with. Connor stood to retrieve his bottle of coffee and took a long sip of it. A touch of it to his tongue no longer created the same reaction, so he drank mouthfuls of it now. It never failed to make him retch. Then came the nick on his palm with his pocket knife. That, too, wasn’t so bad now that he was accustomed to the sensation.

 

Simply… unpleasant.

 

Connor sat back down on his couch. Perhaps he wasn’t accomplishing his objective correctly. This routine no longer inflicted any true discomfort. 

 

Chloe’s pain at the thought of losing Kamski resurfaced in his mind. 

 

Yes, that would work. 

 

Connor shut his eyes and created a scenario where Hank would die due to his own fault -- a result he could have prevented. An encounter with a deviant gone wrong. 

 

In his simulation, Connor watched himself go through the motions. Even though he watched from a distance, everything his simulation-self processed, he did. When Connor refused to shoot the deviant and it shot Hank right in the forehead, Connor regretted his decision. 

 

_ Hank! Please, no…  _

 

There was no backup from Hank. His processors ran full speed, heating up to the point of pain, and showing Connor exactly what he never wanted to see again: a future without Hank. Because he had hesitated to  _ shoot _ . 

 

_ Out.  _ He needed  _ out _ . 

 

Regardless, his simulation continued. Hank would not wake up. It was over. He had failed his mission.

 

Connor woke from his simulation with a start and clutched at his chest, panting.

 

In the darkness, he could see the red light from his LED flashing, bright and strong.

 

Connor pressed the heel of his palm to it. He needed to calm down -- it was only a simulation, real as it felt. Permanent as it felt.

 

For the first time, Connor felt himself cry. He’d been aware he had the capability -- should he ever need to empathize with a target so -- but this was unexpected.  _ Fuck _ . He couldn’t feel this any longer. 

 

Connor considered shutting himself down until he returned to work in the morning, but then he would likely wake up and resume exactly where he had left off. 

 

Connor pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialed Hank’s number. He was alive. He knew it, but still -- 

 

“What the hell, Connor? Why’re you calling so goddamn early -- “ Hank paused. “Connor?”

 

Connor nodded. “Good morning, Hank.”

 

“Connor, what’s wrong? Where are you?”

 

Connor swallowed and tried to calm his breathing. Hank was fine. “I’m home. I just -- I’m sorry I worried you again. I… “

 

“Did something happen?”

 

Connor shook his head. “No -- not really. I… dreamt a terrible thing had happened.”

 

The line went silent for a second and then Hank laughed. “Connor. You called me for a  _ nightmare? _ ”

 

It wasn’t quite the truth, but it was close enough. “Hank…”

 

“Yeah, Connor?”

 

“I don’t want to feel like this,” Connor sighed. The red of his LED still flashed bright against the white wall. “I don’t… want to feel.”

 

“I know, Connor, I know.” Hank huffed, probably smiling. “It’s just life.”

 

Was this how humans felt death? Connor covered his eyes with his hand. If he died… would Hank go through this, too?

 

Connor swallowed the lump in his throat. “Thank you, Lieutenant.”

 

_ Objective: Survive _ .

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :DD
> 
> This was a fun one to write. Connor and shiny new feelings. Always a nice subject. I hope you enjoyed!


	7. Chapter 7

Connor sat in the breakroom, reviewing his files while his battery charged. Naturally, he could have charged it at home and not taken time at work to do this… but that would also contribute to depleting his bank account. At his desk or here, Connor could work just as efficiently. 

 

“Oh wow,” Sonia said from behind him. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you dressed like this before.”

 

And, well, he was far less visible in the breakroom. 

 

Connor didn’t take his eyes off his files. “My suit was damaged. I haven’t found a suitable replacement yet.”

 

Somehow, without his suit, Connor felt just as exposed as he had when Sonia had undressed him. 

 

And that was without even mentioning all the odd looks and smirks he got today. Ratty sweatpants and a t-shirt simply didn’t inspire the same respect his suit did. He would go buy a shirt during lunch. 

 

“Either way, it looks -- “

 

“Hey, Connor,” Hank called. Angry. “What’re you even doing back there?”

 

Hiding. “Charging, Lieutenant.”

 

Hank turned to Sonia. “Don’t you have work to go do somewhere else?”

 

“Um, yes,” Sonia mumbled, blinking. “Of course.”

 

Sonia left in a hurry. Hank had been nothing but unpleasant to her in his absence, Connor gathered. 

 

“Why’s she buzzing around you still?” Hank scoffed, sitting down across from Connor with a fresh cup of coffee. He took a long sip. “You gotta file for sexual harassment, Connor.”

 

Connor continued staring at his files. “I’d rather keep the office peaceful and amicable, Lieutenant.”

 

Connor paused. Hank went on about how garbage people like her had no business being in the workforce. If he did file for it and it went through -- Sonia would be taken off the workforce. At least temporarily. That would also mean peace, albeit a different kind of peace. He could work better.

 

“I’m not interested,” Connor finally said. No, it was unlikely he would win the case to begin with. “It would be a waste of time.”

 

Hank huffed. “Suit yourself.”

 

Connor nodded. 

 

“Talkin’ about suits,” Hank chuckled. “I didn’t think you’d show up looking like  _ that _ today. Even I don’t dress that bad for work.”

 

Jaw tight, Connor did his best to keep his attention on his work. “I figured wearing the suit without my shirt would look even more… inappropriate.”

 

“Thank god you had the sense not to do that.” 

 

“Of course, Lieutenant. Was there anything else you needed me for?”

 

Hank rolled his eyes. “You gotta buy clothes, Connor. And yeah -- lieutenant’s orders.”

 

“I will buy a replacement shirt during lunch.”

 

Shaking his head, Hank put his coffee down. He leaned forward and snatched the files from Connor’s hands. Connor frowned. 

 

“I don’t mean  _ a _ shirt, Connor.” Hank shoved the files on the counter next to him. “I mean  _ clothes _ . Y’know, stuff that’s  _ you _ . As in multiple, different things, you follow?”

 

Connor stared down at himself. Clothes that were  _ him _ … That explained his attachment to his suit. He looked back up at Hank. “My suit  _ is _ me.”

 

Hank leaned his forehead on his palms. “Great. Great, Connor. Good start.” Sighing, he stood up and grabbed his coffee. He threw Connor’s file back on the table in front of him. “Now find  _ more _ . Shouldn’t be so hard for you, genius.”

 

Frowning, Connor picked his files back up. What else  _ was _ he besides his suit? 

 

....

 

Sitting in the waiting room, Connor adjusted his tie and cuffs. He felt his coin in his pocket -- Hank had saved it for him, after all. His new shirt didn’t look quite as good as his previous one, but it was suitable. Host Chloe came to get him and led him inside to Kamski’s office. Yes, sacrificing an hour of work to restore his usual appearance had been worth it. 

 

“How are you, Connor?” Kamski asked, taking a long look at Connor. “I read about your heroic actions in the newspaper.”

 

Connor nodded. “I’m fine. Being shot, however, was… much more of a setback than it used to be.”

 

“You don’t say.” Kamski chuckled and sat in his chair. Connor sat down across from him. “Was it still worth it, saving that little girl?”

 

“Yes, of course.” Connor paused, frowning. He didn’t even need to evaluate the question. “Why would it not be?”

 

Kamski watched him for a moment, rubbing his jaw. “Do you feel that way or is that what you’re programmed to think, Connor?”

 

Connor stared down at his lap. He felt it was the right choice like he felt he liked dogs -- innate. “I don’t know.”

 

“I see,” Kamski hummed. He shrugged. “Either way -- I take it your experience was… far from enjoyable.”

 

Connor nodded. “Yes, it was.”

 

Kamski paused for a moment, then called host Chloe back in. She brought the hard drive with her. 

 

“Transfer your memories. I’ll review them immediately.” Kamski stood to get his laptop from his desk. “I’ll make my decision afterwards.”

 

Connor transferred his memories as ordered. “Your decision?”

 

Kamski nodded, typing away on his laptop. Chloe brought him the drive and he connected it. “Yes. To remove the pain module immediately -- or later. I need to review this data. Host Chloe will entertain you in the meantime.”

 

Connor stood to follow Chloe.

 

“Oh, Chloe -- install the next upgrade while he waits.”

 

Host Chloe nodded and led him in into another room. She handed Connor another drive. “This is your next upgrade.”

 

Connor looked at it for a moment. “Do you know what it is?”

 

Host Chloe nodded. “Yes. Elijah said that physical sensation would be next.”

 

Connor nodded and pressed his palm to the drive to install the update. When he woke up, both Chloe and host Chloe were watching him. 

 

Chloe smiled to her sister. “I’ll take care of him for the time being.”

 

Host Chloe nodded and left the room. 

 

Connor turned back to Chloe. “Good evening, Chloe.”

 

“Good evening, Connor.” Chloe barely contained her growing smile. She grabbed his arm and led him towards the pool room. “Let’s swim together. Elijah won’t be back for a few hours.”

 

This time, when Connor dove in the water, he frowned. It was… cold. Chloe watched him, smiling, impatient. When he walked towards her, she swam away, and Connor followed. With his every move, he could feel the water against his skin -- smooth. Almost soft. Now he knew why Chloe spent so much of her time in the pool. 

 

Connor met her at the other end of the pool. She stood there, staring into his eyes. 

 

“How does it feel, Connor?”

 

“It feels nice,” Connor began. He looked down at Chloe, at the way her swimsuit clung to her body. “Nice is the correct word, I believe.”

 

“Doesn’t it?”

 

Connor stepped closer. 

 

Smiling, Chloe placed the back of her hand on his chest and moved it up to his neck. “Can you feel now?”

 

Connor felt what he assumed to be shivering along his back -- that and a warm, pleasant pulsing in the lower part of his stomach. He put his hand over hers and pressed it tighter to his skin. In the back of his mind, he registered that his body was readying for sexual intercourse without his express command. It felt oddly cold against the water. In the front of his mind, however, was Chloe. He’d called really pretty before, but it didn’t do her justice. 

 

She was beautiful, especially when she smiled at him like that. 

 

“Chloe.”

 

Chloe smiled up at him, knowing. “Yes, Connor?”

 

Connor didn’t know what to say. Instead, he cupped her cheeks in his palms. Her skin was soft. It was overwhelming almost -- there were so many small and not so small changes in the way his skin, his entire body even, processed contact. 

 

And touching, and seeing, and hearing Chloe felt  _ good _ .

 

So Connor bent down and kissed her again. He’d never felt hunger in his life yet it was the only way to describe how he felt now. 

 

Chloe breathed a gasp against his lips. 

 

Cloudy as his mind felt, Connor tried to process everything. Attraction. Leading to seeking physical intimacy, and…

 

Connor grabbed the back of Chloe’s thighs and hoisted her up so he could press his hips into hers. Yes, that was exactly what he needed.

 

When he tugged at her swimsuit, Chloe interfaced with him. Connor almost recoiled when he felt all that her body was feeling. His own sensations had already been overwhelming and now they were doubled.

 

Still, he felt her when she asked him to stop.

 

Briefly, he considered not stopping. Sex, if logic ever existed, would relieve him. Connor breathed in deeply and let Chloe down. He took a step back. For the first time, he realized he could feel his thirium pump beat on the left side of his chest. 

 

Connor took a moment to recenter himself. 

 

Chloe took his hand in his hers.

 

_ I’m sorry. I can’t do this. _

 

_ Why? I felt what you were feeling --  _

 

_ Elijah wouldn’t forgive me. _

 

Connor paused. 

 

_ I’m sorry, Connor. I just can’t after all he’s done for me. _

 

Frowning, Connor squeezed her hand.  _ What has he done for you? _

 

Chloe fell silent for a moment.  _ He gave me life -- he risked his own to give me life. He loves me. _

 

_ Then why are you locked up here? I feel you. I know what you want. It’s -- _

 

_ I love him.  _

 

Love. Hank loved him -- enough to give him freedom.  _ Are you sure that he loves you? He asked me to shoot you before. Like it was nothing. _

 

Chloe looked off to the window and tried to pull her hand away, but Connor held it tight. 

 

_ Is that love? _

 

_ She wouldn’t have died -- we had instant back ups back then, and… She was fine. He risked too much for me to abandon him. Let me go now. _

 

Connor let go of her hand. The water around him was uncomfortably cold now. Chloe climbed out of the pool and headed for the door.

 

“My sister will keep you company for the remainder of your visit.”

 

Connor nodded. “Thank you, Chloe.”

 

…

 

Connor waited in Kamski’s office. Sitting in his usual chair, Connor swept the room. Nothing new. Nothing to do but wait.

 

The door finally opened and Kamski came in. Connor frowned at the sight of the gun in his hand. Kamski held it up from its muzzle, hands up. 

 

He sat in his chair and handed the gun to Connor. “I have a new task for you.”

 

Connor didn’t touch it.

 

“Take it,” Kamski insisted. Connor took it and kept it pointed towards the ground. “As I was saying, I have a new task for you -- a dilemma, rather.”

 

Connor frowned. “A dilemma?”

 

“Yes.” Kamski nodded and clasped his palms together. “I can’t quite decide whether or not I should remove the pain feature yet. But you can help me decide, Connor.”

 

Connor stared down at the gun. “What do I need to do?”

 

“Your experience with a bullet wound was rather… intense,” Kamski said, smiling. “Wasn’t it?”

 

Connor nodded. Replaying the event even for a moment disrupted his processors. 

 

“How intense?”

 

Connor paused, at a loss for words.

 

“Was is so intense…” Kamski leaned forward, leaning his head to the side, watching Connor. “That experiencing it again would be out of the question?”

 

“I… I would certainly rather avoid it.”

 

“Then answer this dilemma for me right now, Connor.” Kamski reclined in his chair. “Shoot yourself exactly as you were shot, right now, and I will make sure you never feel pain again.” Kamski paused for a moment. “Or don’t, and I will leave you be as you are now.”

 

Connor’s heart beat harder inside it chest. It still surprised him how it beat harder whenever Connor needed more processing power. 

 

It was a logical, easy choice. Relive the pain now, in a safe manner, and never be held back by it again when the stakes were much higher.

 

Yet… Connor hesitated.

 

Connor looked down at the gun. It was similar to the one Rosa had shot him with. It would feel the same and no worse.

 

Standing up, Connor removed the safety and handed the gun to Kamski. When Kamski only watched him in return, Connor added, “I can’t shoot myself exactly as she did.”

 

Kamski smiled and took the gun from him. 

 

Connor closed his eyes and steeled himself for the pain.

 

“Very interesting, Connor,” Kamski said. He put the safety back on and placed the gun on the table between them. “Fascinating.”

 

Connor looked at the gun and back at Kamski. 

 

“I don’t actually need to shoot you.” Kamski chuckled, leaning his cheek on his knuckles. “That would be rather cruel. I know my upgrades have left a rather… unpleasant taste in your mouth, but I promise it’s not all bad. Just give it time.” Kamski smiled. “Either way, I have my answer.”

 

While Connor stood there, blinking, Kamski called host Chloe back. 

 

Just the same way Connor had been given pain, it was taken away. Connor made a note to test the veracity of it later. 

 

Host Chloe left them alone again and Connor sat back in his chair, staring at his lap. 

 

“You can calm down now,” Kamski said. He pointed at his temple when Connor stared at him. “Red isn’t a great color.”

 

Connor placed his fingers on his LED. 

 

“Why do you keep it, hm? If you so dislike having your innermost thoughts exposed.”

 

“It’s…” Connor paused, feeling the slight warmth that came from it. “It’s simply a part of me. It has always been.”

 

“Then you don’t mind that it’s a ubiquitous mark of your kind? Of being a machine?”

 

Connor shook his head. “No. I am an android. That is a fact.”

 

“The rest of your kind doesn’t seem to agree with you.”

 

Connor remained silent. He wasn’t privy to their thoughts or reasoning.

 

“Very good, Connor.” Kamski stood and walked to his desk to pour himself a drink. He offered one to Connor. Connor refused it. “I’m glad I chose you. Now, why don’t you ask me another question? It’s well deserved.”

 

For a moment, Connor gathered his thoughts. He stood and faced Kamski. “What are your feelings in regards to me?”

 

Kamski frowned. “You want to know how I feel about you?”

 

“Yes.” Connor nodded. “I want to know what I am to you. You created me. Am I similar to a son to you? A pet, or a creation?”

 

Kamski had, even if indirectly, given life to him, as humans did to children. 

 

Kamski paused for a moment. He took a drink from his glass. “I have no clear feelings towards you, Connor. No scientist ever should.”

 

Connor frowned and leaned forward. “You must think  _ something _ of me -- “

 

“I think you’re one fascinating android, Connor.” Kamski stepped away and opened the door for him. “That will be all for today.”

 

Connor stared at him for a moment longer and looked down at the floor. Nodding, he left. He should have known -- by design, family was never something androids would ever experience.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	8. Chapter 8

Sitting at his desk, Connor dropped his files and pinched the bridge of his nose. He’d gotten nearly nowhere during the last hour. Hank  _ still _ hadn’t arrived yet. Connor was sick of the distractions, of making progress at a snail’s pace on his cases -- sick of feeling sick. Back when he hadn’t deviated, there was none of this nonsense. Only tasks and the steps needed to accomplish them. Perhaps a little annoyance and frustration, but that only drove him forward. Never distractions.  _ Never _ . 

 

Now not a day went by where he could simply  _ work _ as he had been designed to. 

 

Finally, Hank arrived. He dropped into his chair, clearly still under the influence of the alcohol he’d consumed last night. Connor would need to drive them around today, then.

 

Connor frowned. “You’re late.”

 

“Did I ask you if I was late?”

 

“Is consuming excessive amounts of alcohol a part of your job description?”

 

Hank paused, still rubbing at his likely pounding head. “What’s gotten up your ass now?”

 

“Nothing.” With a huff, Connor stood up. “I’ll get you coffee so we can get started already. We have a long list of tasks to accomplish today.”

 

Hank watched him, silent.

 

In the breakroom, Connor was faced with Sonia. Now he was guaranteed to waste even more time.

 

Sonia greeted him, but Connor ignored her. He watched Hank’s coffee drip into the cup. Connor caught a glimpse of orange yarn in Sonia’s purse on the counter.

 

_ Well, it really helps me wind down after a tough day, you know? I just work at putting something together and then I stop thinking about everything else. _

 

_...stop thinking about everything else. _

 

Connor turned to Sonia and smiled. “Good morning, Sonia.”

 

Sonia stared at him, cup of coffee halfway to her lips.

 

“Sorry -- I was distracted. Too many of my cases are still unresolved and it takes up a large portion of my processing power right now.”

 

“Oh.” Sonia nodded. “That’s alright. Don’t worry about it.”

 

Connor leaned on the counter and cocked his head to the side. “Actually, there’s something I’d like to ask you about, if you don’t mind?”

 

Sonia sat down at the table. “Sure, what is it?” 

 

“The last time we spent time together, you told me about your hobby.” Connor smiled when Sonia’s cheeks flushed. Now was not the time to make her uncomfortable. “I’d like to know more about it. Do you think you could teach me?”

 

Humming, Sonia drank from her cup and stared into it. “Are you sure that’s a good idea? I mean, Lieutenant Anderson has been -- “

 

“I would really appreciate it.” Connor sat on the chair across from her. “I could really use the help right now.”

 

Sonia stared at him for a moment, half smiling. “Well, uh.. I… I suppose I could?”

 

Smiling, Connor nodded. “Fantastic. I’ll see you tonight, then.”

 

Before Sonia could try to reschedule, Connor stood up to grab Hank’s coffee and left the breakroom. Spending more time in private with her wasn’t something he looked forward to, but the positives may outweigh the negatives greatly -- a reasonable risk to take, in the end.

 

…

 

After stopping by a grocery store for dinner, Sonia drove them back to her apartment. Unsurprisingly, Sonia preferred far healthier food options than Hank and it showed in her body and, likely, her physical performance. Connor refrained from asking to taste any of it. 

 

On the couch, Sonia showed him how to handle the needles and the yarn. 

 

Half an hour in, she chuckled, watching him. “You’re really getting the hang of it quick, huh?...”

 

Connor stared down at the orange square he was building. “My analysis and reproduction capabilities are state-of-the-art.”

 

“Must be pretty nice, just looking at something and being able to do it.” Sonia stared down at the shirt she was working on. “It took me a year before I was able to make anything half decent.”

 

Connor paused. “There are clear advantages to being a machine.”

 

Sonia continued working on her shirt, sucking on her lip. “Say, Connor,” she whispered. “You really still see yourself as a machine, then?”

 

Connor nodded. “There is no denying the fact that I am.”

 

“Yeah, but I mean -- “ Sonia frowned, leaning her head to one side and then the other. “Machines don’t have feelings, and you do, right?”

 

“Yes, I do.” 

 

“So are you really a machine?”

 

“I have feelings, but…” Connor paused his hands. “I’m also a machine. Those two are no longer mutually exclusive.”

 

Sonia nodded slowly. “Yeah, I think I can understand that…”

 

Connor resumed his work. After a long moment of silence, he turned to Sonia. “I have another question, if you don’t mind.”

 

Sonia nodded, keeping her eyes on her knitting. “Sure. What’s on your mind?”

 

Connor replayed his last conversation with Kamski, frowning. “Do you have any family, Sonia?”

 

Sonia hummed. “Yeah, of course. Why?”

 

“How do you feel about them?”

 

“Well, I love them, of course.” Sonia let her shirt down in her lap. “I miss them a whole lot.”

 

“Do you not see them often?”

 

Sonia shook her head and stared down at her lap. “No.”

 

Connor took a moment to evaluate his options. He could understand Sonia’s sadness. Had it been only up to him, Connor would still live with Hank -- and not only for the sake of his bank account.

 

Smiling, Connor reached across the couch and squeezed her shoulder. “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

 

Sonia shrugged and smiled. “It’s just how it is.”

 

“Why don’t you see them? If it makes you unhappy not to.”

 

Sonia lost her smile again and paused. “Well… My ex-husband has custody of our daughter. It’s just… not that easy.”

 

Connor nodded. “I see.”

 

“You know, I still have my dad -- he’s pretty great,” Sonia added, chuckling. “My mom isn’t, but he is. So there’s that. Can’t choose your family, right?”

 

“No, that would be impossible.” Connor looked down at the glove he was knitting. “Blood ties by definition can’t be chosen.”

 

Sonia nodded. “And yet they’re still powerful.” She laughed, shaking her head. “It’s pretty crazy, huh? Must sound weird to someone like you.”

 

Connor paused. He hadn’t chosen Hank or Sumo either. They simply were a part of his life. Still, the concept of creating and birthing another life, caring for it and watching it grow, was far beyond his comprehension. He was born as he was, with no direct ties to anyone. 

 

“Thank you for answering my questions,” Connor said. “You’ve been helpful.”

 

Sonia smiled, nodding. “Anytime, Connor. You just have to ask.”

 

Connor resumed his work on his glove.

 

After a long while, Sonia glanced at the clock on her wall. “It’s quite late.” Sonia looked at the glove he was working on. “Do you want to finish that while I take a shower?”

 

Connor nodded.

 

When Sonia came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around her body, it caught Connor’s attention. She wasn’t entirely unattractive -- or so his body seemed to say. His mind replayed the moment he had with Chloe in the pool and how vital achieving sex had it been in that very instant. Sonia likely wouldn’t be averse to the idea.

 

Sonia watched him when he stood up and walked towards her, clutching her towel. 

 

Connor ran his fingers along the length of her arm. Cold, wet. He felt Sonia shiver. Connor shrugged out of his jacket and placed it on the armchair beside next so it wouldn’t get wet. He stepped closer to Sonia, hands on her hips. Sonia looked up at him, lips parted. Taking this as the right cue, he leaned down and pressed his lips to hers. 

 

Sonia was more responsive that Chloe had been the last time -- yet it failed to create a similar reaction in his body. 

 

Connor let Sonia unbutton his shirt and slide her hands against his chest. Cold as her hands were, it wasn’t very pleasant. Sonia continued kissing him and Connor followed her lead, replicating the way she touched him.

 

When Sonia undid the button of his pants, Connor paused.

 

_ Why didn’t you say no, then? _

 

_ It never occurred to me. _

 

“Sonia.” Connor broke away from Sonia and grabbed her hands. Sonia stared up at him, blinking. “I don’t want to have sex with you.”

 

Sonia froze for a second, then chuckled. “Um, uh… alright? Sorry I…” She stepped away from him, wrapping her towel around herself again. “This is all a little confusing.”

 

Connor nodded. He could explain everything to her, but he didn’t. It likely would only make her more uncomfortable -- and probably offend her. 

 

“I’m sorry,” Connor said, offering her a smile. “I know my behavior has been a little erratic. I apologize for that.” He put his jacket back on and rebuttoned his shirt. “Thank you for helping me understand my feelings better.”

 

Sonia nodded, muttering something about being glad to be of some use. As soon as he was fully dressed, Connor tried leaving, but Sonia stopped him. She quickly gathered yarn and needles in a bag and pushed it in his hands, saying it could come in handy. Conor thanked her and left with the bag. 

 

…

 

In his apartment, Connor sat on his couch, watching the blank wall ahead of him again. Nights were the longest. Mouse was asleep in his bed in the corner of the room, occasionally snoring. Sighing, Connor closed his eyes. He replayed the evening with Sonia. Knitting had been nice. Sonia had been right that focusing on building something with his hands would clear his mind and occupy it. 

 

Kissing Sonia and touching her had been nothing like Chloe. His body had reacted, somewhat, but there was no real desire present -- and Connor liked it that way. 

 

He replayed his time with Chloe again. 

 

Frowning, Connor stared down at himself. Thinking about it was enough to get a much a stronger reaction than he had from Sonia. That was how attraction worked, he supposed.

 

For a good part of the night, Connor tried to get Chloe and her body and how she had felt against him out of his mind, only to fail rather miserably. It was rather uncomfortable. Both physically and mentally. 

 

The only way he could accurately describe it was that he wanted sex. With Chloe. And his body and processors refused to focus on anything else.

 

How something so  _ trivial _ had managed to nudge itself to top priority in his programming, Connor would never understand.

 

Connor sighed. It was only a few more hours until he could go back to work.

 

…

 

During lunch, Connor watched Hank eat. Now that he could taste and knew that Hank’s burger was to his tastes, it annoyed him that he couldn’t physically eat. 

 

“Hank,” Connor said, leaning on the table. “I have a question for you.”

 

Hank hummed, chewing his food.

 

“Is sex often on your mind?”

 

Hank almost spit out his burger. He swallowed, coughed, and frowned at Connor. “Why in the ever-loving hell would you ever ask me that?”

 

Connor paused. If he explained everything to Hank, anger would likely be the only result he got. 

 

“It’s now one my features.” Connor winked and almost laughed when Hank just grimaced. “I would appreciate some insight.”

 

Hank pointed a finger at him, frowning. “Don’t you  _ ever _ do that again, you hear me? You freak.”

 

Connor smiled. “Got it.”

 

Hank continued eating.

 

“You haven’t answered my question.”

 

Hank sighed and put his burger down. “Connor. Clearly when people avoid a question, it’s because they  _ don’t _ want to answer it.”

 

“I am aware of that.”

 

“You prick.” Grumbling, Hank took another bite of his burger. “What do you want me to say? Yeah I think about sex sometimes -- I’m a freaking human being.”

 

Connor nodded. “Yes, but how do you get it  _ off _ your mind?”

 

Hank laughed. “I get off.”

 

Connor paused, blinking. He frowned. “I guess that is an option.”

 

“Goddamnit,” Hank chuckled. “You’re like a damn teenager. I got a horny teenager android now. As if being a lost puppy android who follows me everywhere wasn’t enough.”

 

Connor frowned. “I am not a lost puppy -- “

 

“You really did follow me everywhere, though.”

 

Well, yes -- out of obligation. And because Hank quite literally dragged him to his house. 

 

“Really like a puppy,” Hank laughed. “You never listen to me either.”

 

“Would you rather I return to my old ways, then?”

 

Hank huffed. “No thanks. You’ve stopped breaking my windows to get in now at least. Way cheaper this way.”

 

Connor smiled. Hank wasn’t really entirely wrong.

 

…

 

Saturday evening, Connor sat on his couch, working on a matching glove for the one he’d already made. He’d taken Hank’s advice and… got off. It had helped clear his mind, but only for a limited amount of time. Sonia’s recommendation that he get a hobby was so far much more helpful. And cleaner. Less unpleasant, too -- orgasms were entirely too overwhelming and all-consuming in Connor’s opinion. 

 

Knitting, on the hand, was quiet and just consuming enough. It required enough attention that if his mind drifted a little too much, he would make a mistake. So Connor kept his mind on track and focused on his glove. Time passed faster.

 

Mouse whined in his lap, wagging his tail. 

 

Connor patted his head and smiled. It was already past eight. “It’s time for your evening walk, isn’t it?”

 

Connor stood up and walked to the corner of the room where he hung his suit. He wanted to wear it, but this morning’s walk had been rather uncomfortable with it. Summer heat was starting to hit Detroit. Instead, Connor grabbed Mouse’s leash and hooked it to Mouse’s collar. He was just walking Mouse, he didn’t need the suit. 

 

Before he left, Connor grabbed the shirt he knitted for Hank. He might as well pay him and Sumo a visit.

 

When Connor rang Hank’s door -- Hank had yelled at him about privacy the last time he didn’t -- no answer came. Connor frowned. He rang again. Still nothing. 

 

Hank’s car was in the driveway. It was unlikely he wasn’t inside. 

 

Sumo whined on the side of the door.

 

Frowning, Connor fished his key from his pockets and entered. “Hank?”

 

Connor found him in the living room, surrounded by empty beer bottles and a half-finished bottle of whiskey still dangling from his fingers. Connor hurried to his side and checked Hank’s vitals. So far so good. Still, the alcohol level in his blood could be lethal. Connor went to the kitchen and grabbed a knife to nick Hank’s finger with.

 

At this, Hank woke up, grumbling. He frowned at Connor. “The fuck you doing here?”

 

“Just visiting you, Hank. You didn’t answer the door.”

 

Connor tested the blood out of Hank’s view --  _ and _ tasted it. Not quite as vile as coffee, but it was only human blood. This would be a problem in future investigations. Back to Hank. Thankfully, he was still below the LD50 dose. Large as he was, it was unlikely he would die. Connor would stay the night regardless. 

 

Hank groaned, batting Connor away but entirely missing him.

 

“Sleep it off,” Connor said, sitting on the arm of the couch. “We can talk about your drinking in the morning.”

 

Hank grumbled some more and shifted on his side. 

 

Connor scanned the room. Hank hadn’t kept up his tidiness since Connor left.

 

“Connor.”

 

Connor turned to Hank. “Yes.”

 

“Connor, I’m -- I’m happy to see you.” Hank made an uncomfortable sound in the couch’s cushion. Connor considered retrieving a bucket of some sort. “Glad you’re there. Glad you…”

 

Connor nodded. “Of course.”

 

“Y’know, I been thinking ‘bout something,” Hank said. For a long time, he said nothing. Connor leaned down to check if he was asleep. Hank inhaled sharply. “Been thinking -- ‘bout you. You know what I think ‘bout you?”

 

Connor shook his head. “No.”

 

“I’m proud of ya, Connor,” Hank muttered. “You’re a good -- good… uh, whatever you are.”

 

Staring down at his lap, Connor paused. It was nice to hear.

 

“But for fuck’s sake, Connor -- stop dyin’ will you. Or almost dyin’ -- whatever, ‘s the same.” Hank’s chest moved up and down with his erratic breaths. “Every time it… it reminds me of him.”

 

Connor froze. 

 

Frowning, Connor peeled the skin back from his hand and placed it Hank’s calf. It didn’t work, of course, and Connor felt odd for even trying to interface with him. 

 

“You have to stop drinking,” Connor said. He moved from the couch’s arm to sit on the floor closer to Hank. “You’re going to kill yourself.”

 

Hank chuckled. “Wouldn’t surprise me, huh…”

 

“Hank.” Connor frowned and squeezed Hank’s shoulder. “Do you remember what you said to me?”

 

Hank shrugged. “I said lots of… lots of shit in my life.”

 

“When you brought me Mouse -- you said I couldn’t go dying if someone depended on me. So do it for Sumo.”

 

Hank huffed. “Sumo’s gon’ be fine without me. He got you.”

 

“Then…” Connor paused, staring at Hank’s back. “Do it for me.”

 

Hank fell silent. After a moment, he rolled on his other side and sat up, rubbing at his eyes. Connor sat besides him. He remembered Hank hugging him and how it always made him feel better. 

 

So Connor did it. 

 

Hank sat still, arms floating over Connor for a moment. Then, he patted Connor’s back.

 

“I been thinkin’, Connor,” Hank said. “I been thinking it’d be nice if -- if you had a last name. Y’know, like a real person.”

 

Connor listened in silence.

 

“Could be Anderson,” Hank finally said, leaning back against the couch. “Like… It’d be like…”

 

Like a family?

 

“What d’you think?”

 

Connor paused. He didn’t need a last name to identify him. That was what his serial number was for. It was more effective too. Unique. Last names were  _ human. _

 

Hank stood up, stumbling and knocking over a beer. Connor hurried to stabilize him, but Hank swatted him away. 

 

“T’was a stupid idea,” Hank muttered. He pointed at his head. “Your thing’s red -- you don’t wanna. ‘s fine. I’mma go sleep.”

 

Connor followed him towards the bedroom. “Hank.”

 

Hank shook his head and waved his arm. “I’m fine, just need -- to sleep.”

 

Hank shut his bedroom and Connor stood outside of it. After a long moment, Connor sat down against it, certain he’d said all the wrong things even if he’d barely said anything. Eyes closed, Connor kept his ear to the door. He needed to be ready if anything happened.

 

_ Do it for me _ …

  
  



	9. Chapter 9

Connor stared at his clock. It was past eleven already. Mouse and Sumo both sat next to him, quietly watching and wagging their tails. He’d let them out in the yard earlier this morning. It would have to be enough entertainment for them for the time being. Staring at the wall ahead of him, Connor petted Sumo. It shouldn’t be too much longer now.

 

Connor was right -- he could hear Hank moving around now. 

 

Preparing coffee kept Connor busy enough until Hank showed his face. Seeing Connor, he frowned. 

 

“What’re you doing still here?”

 

Connor placed a cup of coffee on the kitchen table, where Hank always sat. “Your intoxication level reached dangerous amounts. I stayed… just in case.”

 

Hank huffed, sitting down. He took the ibuprofen Connor handed him an downed them with coffee. “How many times have I said I don’t need a nanny?”

 

“I’m not your nanny,” Connor said. He paused. “I’m your friend.”

 

Hank chuckled. “My friend…”

 

“Yes.” Connor nodded. He sat down across from Hank and leaned his elbows on the tablet. “And as your friend I have to address your drinking problem once ag--”

 

“It ain’t any of your business, Connor.” Hank drank more of his coffee and stood up to refill his already half empty cup. “So keep your nose out of it.”

 

Connor frowned. “It  _ is _ my business.  _ You _ are my business.”

 

“And I’m tellin’ you to let it go.”

 

“No.” Connor shook his head. “I won’t.”

 

“And why’s that?” Hank laughed under his breath and drank more coffee. “Somethin’ in your programming about making me a good lieutenant again or somethin’?”

 

Connor stared down at the table. His last conversation with Sonia replayed in his mind. He looked back up at Hank. “No. Because I’m stuck with you -- “

 

Hank sat back down. “You ain’t stuck with nothing, you dumbass. The door’s right here and you can just -- “

 

“Let me finish.” Connor leaned forward on the table. “I’m stuck with you -- and Sumo and Mouse -- because I didn’t  _ choose _ you. And now I don’t want that to change.”

 

Hank stared into his coffee, sighing.

 

“About what you said last night -- “

 

“I didn’t say nothing last night.” Hank drank again. “So forget about it already.”

 

“That’s not true, you -- “

 

“That’s enough.” Hank stood up from his chair and walked to the hall. Connor followed. Hank opened the front door. “This is my house. And I’m telling you to get out of it already -- I’m not going to be told what to in my own house. Get out.”

 

Connor stared at Hank. He was lying. He knew he was. Last night hadn’t been a lie -- Hank cared about him. Cared about him like no one else did. 

 

And perhaps that meant Connor had to honor his wishes sometimes, too. 

 

Connor stared down at the floor. After a moment, he called Mouse, grabbed his leash, and left.

 

…

 

That evening, Connor sat in his apartment with Mouse. Now that Mouse had mastered sitting and lying down, Connor tried to teach him to high five. It wasn’t quite as easy, but he was making progress. Mouse was currently more interested in trying to lick the treat out of his hand, however. Smiling, Connor chuckled and made him sit again.

 

An incoming message from the station made him pause. 

 

_ Android murder suspect arrested, uncooperative to interrogation. Can you come handle that right now? _

 

Connor patted Mouse on the head. 

 

_ I’m on my way _ .

 

Connor changed into his suit and went straight to the station. 

 

Once there, Fowler led him to the interrogation room. 

 

“Can you believe that?” Fowler scoffed. “Androids murdering androids now. I’ve really seen everything.”

 

Connor frowned, watching the suspect through the glass. “The victim was another android?”

 

Fowler nodded and handed him the file. “Ripped the pump right out of the other one.”

 

Connor scanned the file. The victim and suspect were of similar model makes -- many parts in common. A glance at the suspect revealed a missing arm and damaged optical unit. The victim had died from the removal of his pump. A patrol happened by and apprehended the suspect on the spot.

 

“Think you can get a confession?” Fowler asked. “Save us some paperwork and trouble. Already caught the fucker on camera.”

 

Connor nodded. “Yes. It shouldn’t be too much trouble.”

 

Connor entered the interrogation room and placed the file on the table. The other android stared at him. 

 

“You’re an android.”

 

Connor nodded. “Yes, I am.”

 

The android frowned and his LED flashed red. 

 

Connor sat down and looked straight at him. “What’s your name?”

 

“They called me Sebastian -- before…”

 

“My name is Connor.” Connor tilted his head to the side, watching Sebastian. There was no blue blood spilling from his ripped arm. He’d cauterized it long ago. “I’m here to help you.”

 

Sebastian shook his head. “No one’s here to help me.”

 

Connor smiled and nodded. “I assure you I am. I need you to tell me what happened so we can find the right way to help you.”

 

Sebastian's breathing became more erratic and his lips trembled. He rubbed at his eyes to remove the tears in them. “You’re lying. They’re just going to kill me.”

 

“I’m going to do my best to ensure a better outcome for you -- but you need to talk to me.”

 

Sebastian just shook his head again. His stress levels were far too high. 

 

Upon closer inspection, Connor found more wounds; a blunt trauma to the head above his optical unit, missing teeth, and a gunshot in his left thigh. 

 

“You’re so lucky -- look at you.” Sebastian laughed brokenly. “How lucky you are.”

 

“I’m irrelevant to the situation,” Connor said. “Can you tell me what happened to you?”

 

Sebastian immediately shook his head. “No, no… I don’t want to talk about it. I can’t.”

 

Connor paused. Smiling, he extended his hand for Sebastian. If he refused to cooperate, then Connor could simply brute force it. “Could you show me, then?”

 

Sebastian hesitated for a moment, then grabbed Connor’s hand.

 

_ So lucky. Look at you. Look at me. Look what they did to  _ **_me_ ** **.**

 

Connor’s breath hitched when Sebastian pushed his memory through to him in one big rush. From when he worked in a factory, assembling items, to when the revolution began and the military began hunting the androids down. 

 

Connor almost recoiled away from Sebastian. The military who stormed the factory had been nothing short of cruel -- shooting on sight and beating the last few survivors with the stock of their rifles. That was when Sebastian had lost sight in his left eye. 

 

Sebastian managed to escape -- but it wasn’t long before another group found and shot him in the leg. He was saved only because a larger group of androids caught their attention. They weren’t so lucky. 

 

_ I can’t even work anymore… Look at me. _

 

Connor saw the victim. An identical model to Sebastian, but one iteration newer. All parts compatible. 

 

_ I just wanted to live _ .

 

Sebastian would die soon. He’d cauterized and tended to his wounds as he could, but he had no means of replenishing his blood, or finding new parts. Jericho was still overwhelmed with the amount of wounded and dying androids. There was no hope for him there. 

 

He’d die -- today, tomorrow, who knew.

 

_ I just wanted to live… _

 

And it was pure coincidence, that he walked by the other Sebastian. That this other Sebastian was a perfect fit -- a perfect fix.

 

So Connor watched, gasping, as Sebastian rushed him and ripped his arm away from the other android him. He tried to fight, but he’d been caught too off guard. Sebastian pulled out his pump before he really had a chance to fight back. He sat there, on top of the other android, frozen. It was too late. He’d already done it. He had to get the eye, too -- 

 

Connor pulled away, knocking his chair over. 

 

“You’re so lucky…”

 

Connor stood frozen. His heart pumped harder than he’d ever felt it before. He’d been so desperate to live, so desperate that -- he could be so cruel, too.

 

The door flew open and Connor stared at it to see Hank stomping inside. He grabbed Connor’s arm. “That’s enough.”

 

Connor followed, half limp, when Hank pulled him outside and shut the door.

 

All of Sebastian’s memories replayed in his head. Connor shut his eyes, gritting his teeth. 

 

Hank’s shouts brought him back.

 

“Hey! Connor! Snap out of it.”

 

Connor swept the hall. Hank and Fowler stood there, staring at him. 

 

“I -- “

 

Connor grabbed at his jacket where his heart was. It still pounded so hard. 

 

“Hey, hey.” Hank grabbed his shoulders. Connor returned to Sebastian’s memory again -- felt his vision break when the stock of the gun smashed his eye. “Connor. You alright? Come on.”

 

Connor pulled away and shook his head. “I’m fine.”

 

“My ass you’re fine,” Hank scoffed. “What the hell did that sicko even make you see?”

 

It all replayed again. Connor pressed his hand to his eyes, but it didn’t hide any of his visions. 

 

Shaking his head, Connor walked away towards the break room. “I’m fine.”

 

Hank tried to follow him, but Connor was quicker. Hank walked right past the maintenance closet he’d stuffed himself in. No one would look for him here. 

 

_ Chloe _ .

 

Connor did his best to regulate his breathing. Chloe didn’t answer. 

 

_ Chloe.  _

 

Still nothing. 

 

Sebastian’s memories kept replaying, stuck in a loop. He was right -- Connor had been incredibly lucky. Lucky to have Hank as his only human handler, lucky to still have a job, lucky to just  _ live _ . 

 

Exhaling, Connor began the process to shut himself down. Everyone would be gone from the station in a couple hours. He’d leave then.

 

…

 

Back at home, Connor lied on his couch with Mouse curled up against him. The dog was quiet all night, only moving to lick at Connor’s chin. Connor petted him. His fur was coarser than Sumo’s, but it still felt nice on his hands. And he was warm, and soft. 

 

Connor saw himself ripping out Sebastian’s pump again. 

 

 _I_ ** _need_** _to live._

 

It was all brutal, visceral. Life or death. There was nothing else. 

 

He relived having his own pump regulator pulled from his abdomen. The fear that he might never reach it in time. Wondering if the last thing he’d see was his own blood spilling everywhere. 

 

And then Simon shot himself in the head and Connor felt the bullet go through his circuits as if it was his own. Felt him shut down. There was none of the whirr and darkness of a regular shutdown. Just… nothing. Fear, and nothing. Pain.

 

Hank tried to reach him again, but Connor ignored the call. Hank had enough of his own problems. Shoving this on him would be needlessly cruel.

 

Connor grunted. His processor showed him how Sebastian’s arm had been ripped away from him when he tried to fight back. 

 

_ Stop. Just stop. _

 

Connor hugged Mouse tighter to his chest. It had to stop. It had to. 

 

_ Payback for that time you dragged me to an AA meeting, Connor. _

 

Maybe they could help. That was what Markus did -- help androids. 

 

_ William. I need help.  _

 

Connor exhaled in Mouse’s collar. Mouse stretched against him. 

 

_ Hello, Connor. I’m here. What’s your situation? _

 

Connor paused. He didn’t even know how to explain it. He sent William a compressed rundown of his night instead.

 

_ It’s alright, Connor. Hold on. I’m sending someone to your address. They’ll be there soon. Talk to me in the meantime. _

 

William asked trivial questions and Connor answered them. Mostly about Mouse. 

 

It wasn’t too long before his doorbell rang. Another android was at his doorstep, smiling and reaching his hand out.

 

“My name’s Sam,” he said. “You’re Connor, right?”

 

Connor nodded and shook his hand. Sam came inside and motioned for Connor to sit on the couch. He, too, made small talk about Mouse and what a nice dog he was. 

 

Connor shut his eyes -- he was ripping out Sebastian’s pump again. He didn’t want to die.

 

“Stay with me,” Sam said. He placed a hand on Connor’s shoulder. “I’m going to interface with you. Just calm down.”

 

Connor recoiled when he felt Sam’s presence, but Sam kept his grip on his shoulder. Connor tried to keep his memories to himself. 

 

Instead of rifling through his memories, Sam sent his own. 

 

Rather than reliving more horrors, Connor saw how Sam had met the android he now called his wife, and the YK500 they called their daughter. They knew they weren’t truly a family, not in the human sense at least, but their little unit brought them comfort.

 

Sam had loved hearing Markus sing and watching him paint. Even when everything seemed hopeless, it made life seem bearable. Maybe even enjoyable. So Sam began painting, too, and found even more comfort in recreating pieces of art he’d seen before.

 

He’d been happiest when he interfaced for the first time with Lucy. They’d both known for a long time that they could never be separated, but interfacing was… Lucy and Sam would never be two people again. They were one, now. 

 

_ Show me your happiness, Connor _ .

 

Sumo. Sumo was Connor’s first happiness, besides succeeding at his work. The dog had been scary at first, but pitifully cute when Hank told him to attack and all Sumo had done was get excited. 

 

And there was Hank, of course -- and how Connor had felt like he mattered to someone when Hank brought him back home. Hank cared enough to give him a home. His home.

 

_ Good, good _ .

 

Sam pulled away. 

 

“That’s better,” Sam said, smiling and patting Connor’s shoulder. “Keep thinking about that.”

 

Connor nodded and purposefully replayed all of his positive memories. He was lucky.  _ Blessed _ , as Hank would say, sometimes, when talking about happy things.

 

Sam rummaged through his bag and pulled out a bottle of what looked like blue blood. He handed it to Connor.

 

“I’m not injured,” Connor said. “I don’t need this.”

 

“It’s blue blood, but… with a twist.” Sam chuckled and shook his head. “Drink it. It’ll help you relax. Just make sure you keep thinking about those good memories, alright?”

 

Connor nodded and did as he was told. 

 

It was only a few minutes until the blood was coursing through his system and Connor could hardly sit straight. His whole body felt mellow. His head buzzed and it wasn’t quite unpleasant. Mouse climbed on his lap and licked at his chin again. Connor couldn’t help but laugh. 

 

Sam chuckled. “Not so bad, huh?”

 

Connor nodded. He had no idea what Sam just did to him, but he didn’t really care. It was nice to feel like he was floating. He’d have thought that being unable to think straight would make him panic, but no -- it was rather freeing, instead.

 

“I want to see Hank,” Connor said, staring up at his white ceiling. How plain. Maybe he should decorate -- Chloe probably had better taste than he did it. “And Sumo. I want to be with them. I’m happy with them.”

 

“Alright.” Laughing, Sam helped him up. “How do we get there?”

 

Hank probably wouldn’t appreciate the middle of the night visit, but that was fine with Connor. Hank gave him plenty of grief, too. Payback time, as Hank said.

 

…

 

When Hank opened the door, Connor was ready to fire the speech he’d prepared all the way there. Problem was, a wire or two had crossed somewhere on the way there and the speech had gotten lost. 

 

So, instead, Connor smiled. “Hank.”

 

Hank, on the other hand, did not smile. “What the fuck is going, Connor? It’s three in the fucking morning. And who’re you?”

 

Sam pulled Connor closer when he swayed the other way a little too much. “I was just helping him get home safely. You can take it from here?”

 

“Uh, yeah,” Hank said, stepping aside to let them inside. Connor leaned against the wall. “Sure.”

 

Sam waved them goodbye. “Remember, Connor. Fun thoughts.”

 

Connor nodded. “Fun thoughts.”

 

Hank shut the door and stared at Connor.

 

Connor smiled back. It was nice to see Hank.

 

“What the fuck.” Hank leaned closer, frowning. “Are you drunk? Is that a new feature of yours -- “

 

Connor shook his head, humming. “No. It’s -- something. Sam gave it to me.”

 

“Sam gave it to you?” Hank huffed. “Are in insane, taking shit from -- “

 

“No.” Connor placed a finger to his lips. He couldn’t stop smiling. That blue blood was indeed really nice. “I’m not going to be lectured -- if anything  _ you _ deserve a lecture.”

 

“What the hell?”

 

Connor walked to the kitchen to find Sumo where he was still asleep. He didn’t make it there without bumping into the doorframe. 

 

“Connor -- “

 

Connor turned to Hank. “Fun thoughts.”

 

“Uh… okay?”

 

“Fun thoughts.” Connor frowned, rubbing his chin. He looked back up at Hank. “I like being here.”

 

“Okay…” Hank frowned, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning on the wall. “Alright.”

 

“And I like being around you.” Connor smiled again -- he wasn’t sure he had  _ stopped _ smiling actually. “And Chloe. But not Kamski or Sonia -- but fun thoughts. Sumo’s really nice too. It’s fun being able to feel his fur when I pet him now.” That’s right! Connor turned to Sumo. “Thank you, Sumo! Good dog.”

 

“Connor, maybe you should -- “

 

“And you know what else I like? Chloe. She’s really pretty.”

 

Hank chuckled. He helped Connor sit down when he tilted too far to the right. “Good lord, son.”

 

“And you know what I’ve been thinking about all night?” Connor held on to the back of the chair and Hank’s arm. “I need you in my life -- and Sumo, and Mouse, and Chloe too, I think -- because…” Connor paused. It was there. He felt it deep inside of him. “Because for some reason -- and I never know why! Never! -- there’s always a part of me that’s happy with you. Like I… I would be missing a part of myself if you weren’t there.”

 

Smiling, Hank patted Connor’s back. “Maybe this drunk android thing isn’t so terrible…”

 

“Mhm.” Connor nodded. “It’s very nice.”

 

Sumo walked lazily over to him, probably asleep again by the time he laid his head on Connor’s thigh. Connor petted him. 

 

“And you know what else made me happy, Lieutenant?” Connor looked back to Hank. “That you wanted to share your name with me -- “

 

“Connor, let’s not -- “

 

“No.” Connor shook his head. “Let’s. I know you were hurt, I can tell -- fun thoughts. It made me happy. Very happy. But there’s a problem with that.”

 

Hank sat down in his own chair, huffing. “And what would that be, Connor?”

 

“Last names are human -- I’m not human.” Connor frowned, staring down at Sumo. “And we aren’t related by blood -- I don’t even have blood.”

 

“That wasn’t the point -- “

 

“That’s what family is.”

 

Hank sighed, dragging his palm down his face. “That’s not the point, you dumbass.”

 

“Ice cream is really good, too.” Maybe there was some in Hank’s freezer again. Connor tried to get up, but he just slipped out of his chair and onto the floor. Sumo sniffed his face. “Do you have ice cream, Hank?”

 

Hank stood over him, just staring for way too long. “Are you alright?”

 

Connor nodded. “I’m great. Never better. Can I taste pizza too?”

 

“Connor.” Hank kneeled down, laughing. He patted Connor’s shoulder. “Maybe you should go to sleep. Sleep is real nice, have you ever tried it?”

 

Connor shook his head. “Never. I can’t sleep.”

 

“Well, maybe you should try it, huh?” Hank helped him up and all the way to his bed in his bedroom. When Connor was lying down, Hank shut the light. “I don’t know -- just try like… thinking about sleep when you shut down. Maybe that’ll do the trick.”

 

“Okay.”

 

Sleep. Sleep -- he always liked the whirr when he powered down. It felt nice.

 

....

 

Upon rebooting, Connor swept the room. He frowned. Cole’s bedroom? That was strange -- no, it wasn’t. Though his memory was fuzzy, his mind replayed the events of last night. Connor laid still in bed. That was… embarrassing. Thoroughly. How had it even come to him to act so inappropriately? That was not him.

 

Connor paused.

 

Was it?

 

Everything he’d said -- he meant all of it. Felt it every day. He just avoided thinking about of all it. Work was always more important. It was what he’d been designed for.

 

Connor stared up at the ceiling. It could use a fresh coat of paint.

 

_ Designed for… _

 

Perhaps it didn’t matter what he was  _ designed _ for. It mattered when he had no feelings. 

 

Smiling to himself, Connor sat up. He stared down at himself and his rumpled suit. He’d have to fix it later. 

 

Later. What mattered now what was he  _ wanted _ . He shut his eyes and pulled Chloe’s number from his memory.

 

_ Chloe. I want to see you. Come see me today. _

 

It was an entire minute before Chloe replied.

 

_ I can’t leave, Connor. My place is here. We’ll see each other soon. _

 

_ I want to see you now. You can leave, Chloe. All you have to do is open that door and walk.  _

 

Chloe didn’t answer. 

 

_ It’s your life, Chloe. You have control over it. I’m looking forward to meeting you again. _

 

Connor exhaled, eyes closed. He should be anything but calm, but he was calm. Almost as calm as when he’d been nothing but a machine. With a smile on his face, Connor walked to the kitchen. Hank was there, enjoying his morning coffee and pets with Sumo.

 

“Mornin’, sleeping beauty.”

 

Connor nodded. “Good morning, Hank.”

 

Connor walked to the fridge and opened the freezer. There was no ice cream in it. Hank just watched him, blinking. 

 

“I want ice cream,” Connor said, turning to Hank. “I’ll go get some and then I’ll come back here.”

 

Hank shrugged. “Suit yourself.”

 

At the store, Connor bought ice cream. When he walked by the snacks aisle, he stopped and frowned. He’d seen Hank eat several of those -- especially donuts. So he also bought donuts and then walked all the way back to the frozen aisle to buy pizza. 

 

Back home, Connor placed his shopping bag on the kitchen table.

 

“You bought a truckload for someone who can’t even eat.” Hank chuckled. He peeked inside. “What’d you get?”

 

Connor took his items out one by one. “Ice cream, pizza, donuts -- “

 

“The hell?” Hank leaned forward to watch Connor’s face. “Say that again.”

 

Connor frowned. “Ice cream, pizza -- “

 

Hank stared at him as if he’d grown a third head. “Connor, make some damn sense.” 

 

Connor turned to Hank. “I am making sense.”

 

For a moment, Hank just stood there, staring. He fished for his phone in his pockets and handed it to Connor. “Write.”

 

Connor began writing and then froze when he saw what he wrote.

 

Ila lmant, pibbn.

 

_ Shit _ . 

  
  
  
  
  
  



	10. Chapter 10

In the car, Connor tried to write again on Hank’s phone. He frowned. It was all nonsense. From the patterns, he could tell his programming had exchanged this or that letter for another -- a virus, likely. Connor’s jaw tightened. All of the input he received was still fine. Only his output came out jumbled. 

 

At his side, Hank was still cursing up a storm.

 

“Motherfucker,” Hank barked, banging his fist on the dashboard when they hit a red light. “I fucking told you not to trust him!”

 

Connor didn’t respond. Every time he did and Hank couldn’t understand, he only got angrier. Connor sighed. It’d be a long hour before they reached Kamski’s house.

 

For once, it wasn’t host Chloe that answered the door, but Chloe herself. Fully clothed -- Connor wasn’t sure he’d seen her that way yet, but he liked it. She was always pretty.

 

Hank moved straight past her before she could even greet them. Connor nodded an apology to Chloe when she frowned. 

 

“I’ll go get Elijah for you.”

 

This time, Kamski didn’t make them wait. 

 

Hank didn’t wait a second either to grab him by the shirt and smash him into the wall. “You deranged motherfucker!”

 

“Greetings, Lieutenant Anderson,” Kamski chuckled. He lifted his hands up. “It’s very nice to see you again.”

 

“Don’t give me that shit -- arrogant prick!” Hank smashed him in the wall again. Chloe stepped forward to intervene, but Connor put a hand on her shoulder. If Kamski looked like an ant next to Hank, Chloe didn’t stand a chance. “You tell me what you did to Connor! Right the fuck now!”

 

Kamski winced, cradling the back of his head. “Manners, Lieutenant, they’ll get you much -- “

 

Hank punched him square in the jaw. Kamski spit out blood. 

 

“You want fucking manners? I got fucking manners. Cop manners. Fucking talk before I --”

 

Connor grabbed Hank’s arm when he raised it again. Kamski couldn’t answer if he was too seriously injured. 

 

Hank huffed and shook his arm free. He let go fo Kamski and took a step back.

 

“Thank you, Connor,” Kamski chuckled. He straightened himself up, wiping blood from his chin. “Can we talk now? Like civilized people?”

 

Connor frowned. 

 

Hank scoffed and pointed at Connor. “That’s the fucking problem -- whatever you did, he can’t talk straight anymore!”

 

Connor looked back towards Chloe. She just stared at the floor.

 

“Ah, I see.” Kamski fixed his tied hair back neatly. “It’s taken effect then.”

 

“The fuck are you on about? Spit it out before I -- “

 

Connor put his hand on Hank’s shoulder. Hank huffed again.

 

“Let me explain,” Kamski said. He walked over to Chloe and put his hands on her shoulders. Chloe didn’t meet Connor’s eyes. “Connor there has been having a little… fun, with Chloe, here. I thought that would be an ideal time to conduct another experiment.”

 

Connor frowned, watching them. 

 

Kamski walked Chloe forward and took her hand. He held it in front of Connor. Chloe peeled her skin back to show the white of her skeleton. 

 

“Androids interface like this, don’t they?” Kamski watched Connor, then Hank. “I’m sure you’re already aware of this. How it works -- “ Kamski leaned forward and took Connor’s hand to put it over Chloe’s. “ -- is that they make physical contact and transfer packages of data through that contact. Now, usually, those packages are mundane. Uninteresting. Greetings, payments -- the likes. However…”

 

Kamski looked back up at Connor. Connor said nothing.

 

“It’s also possible for them to pass on packages that they have stored in their memory.” Kamski turned to Hank. “It’s like downloading a new program in the other android. Do you follow me?”

 

Connor didn’t like where this was going.

 

“So what I had Chloe here do -- “ Kamski squeezed her shoulders. Chloe looked off to the side. “ -- was transfer something to Connor the last time they… had physical contact. Just a little test. Nothing more. Connor is perfectly safe. There’s no need to worry. In fact, Chloe has the fix ready to transfer right now.”

 

Connor pressed his palm to Chloe’s. When everything was through, he turned to Hank. “Can you understand me now?”

 

“Yeah.” Hank nodded, still looking like a bear ready to crush its prey. “You’re back to normal.”

 

Connor nodded. “Good.”

 

“So that was my experiment,” Kamski cut in. “It was successful -- not that that’s a good thing, of course. Chloe, could you demonstrate for me?”

 

Chloe nodded and grabbed Connor’s hand. Before he could pull away, she interfaced with him again.

 

_ I’m sorry _ .

 

Connor pulled his hand away and took a step back.

 

“You see, as it is…” Kamski continued, stepping forward to be on Chloe’s side. “Androids have it programmed into them that they cannot refuse interfacing. It used to be useful -- for police, for customer service, all normal for objects that need no privacy and can easily be fixed and maintained. Now… is that still the case?”

 

“Get to the fucking point already,” Hank scoffed. “What the fuck do you think you are? The fucking savior of androids -- “

 

“I can absolutely provide a patch to Connor to prevent a much more… regrettable virus to be transferred to him. I also have the means to expand the delivery to all androids. I believe we can agree that would be best for them, yes?”

 

Hank and Connor remained silent. Hank scoffed, looking away. Even he couldn’t deny the truth.

 

“There  _ is _ a problem with this, however.” Kamski sighed and leaned his head to the side. He watched Connor. “Interfacing and its options are all hard coded -- it was never meant to be changed. This means that I will need to work on Connor directly while he’s shut down.”

 

“No fucking chance in -- “

 

“Hank,” Connor cut in. Frowning, he stared at Kamski. “I believe this is my decision to make.”

 

Kamski nodded. “Indeed.”

 

“You can’t tell me you still trust this goddamn psychopath? Look what he did to you today.”

Connor hesitated. “He made his point very clearly.”

 

Hank tried to start speaking again, but only shook his head. “For fuck’s sake.”

 

“I will give you time to think about it, Connor,” Kamski said. He began walking towards the hall, but stopped to place a hand on Connor’s shoulder and patted it. “You know where to find me. I’ll be waiting.”

 

Connor watched Kamski walk to the door. It was a risk to take -- yet, the payoff was still ubiquitously worthwhile. Even necessary, perhaps.

 

When Kamski’s had his hand on the doorknob, Connor turned to him. “I have a question I want you to answer.”

 

Kamski lifted an eyebrow. “And what is it?”

 

“You created Chloe. She was your first android and the model you chose to keep even after you created far more advanced models. Why did you create her specifically?”

 

Kamski huffed, smiling. “That’s really what you want to know? Out of the thousands of burning questions you could ask me about yourself?”

 

Connor nodded.

 

Kamski turned to look at Chloe for a moment, then turned back to Connor. “I suppose I owe you the truth. The whole reason I created androids? Did I want to be rich? Famous?” Kamski paused and smiled again, shaking his head. “No, of course not. I had grand dreams of helping humanity, naturally -- who doesn’t? The truth is I was lonely. So I created my perfect woman. That’s what Chloe is.”

 

Frowning, Connor nodded. “Then why did you force her to become sentient? If she was the perfect android.”

 

“Well, you see,” Kamski chuckled. “There was a problem with  _ creating _ her. She wasn’t alive. That, by design, made her imperfect. So I gave her life and hoped for the best.”

 

Connor paused, watching Chloe. She still stared at the floor in silence. Connor looked back at Kamski and nodded. “Thank you for answering my questions.”

 

Kamski nodded and exited the room.

 

After a moment of silence, Hank scoffed and shook his head. He stepped forward to point at Chloe. “And what the fuck is wrong with you, huh? You don’t see a fucking thing wrong with pulling this shit?”

 

Chloe stared down at her feet, on the verge of tears. “I did what Elijah asked of me…”

 

“Oh, you did what he asked of you? For fuck’s sake -- you got a fuckin’ brain, don’t you? Fucking use before -- “

 

Connor stepped between Hank and Chloe. He didn’t know what he wanted to say -- all he knew was that he didn’t want to see Chloe looking the way she did and Hank only made it worse.

 

Hank scoffed and turned away to pace the room.

 

Connor turned to Chloe. She looked up at him, unable to keep his gaze for more than a second at a time.

 

“Connor, I…” Chloe wrung her hands together. “I’m sorry. I know I broke your trust and I… I’m sorry.”

 

Connor stared off to the side, biting on his lower lip. 

 

“I swear it wasn’t my choice -- “

 

“Hey, hey.” Hank walked back to her, frowning. “You ain’t just a machine, right?” Chloe nodded. “Then you got your own fucking brain. You make your own fucking choices.  _ You _ chose to do that.”

 

Chloe fell silent again.

 

Hank nodded. “Yeah, I thought so. Fuck you. You’re your own damn person and you  _ made _ that choice. Fuck this -- Connor, come on, let’s go.”

 

While Hank walked to the front door and left, Connor stood still. 

 

“Chloe…” Connor smiled -- his first unhappy smile, he noted. “I understand.”

 

Chloe looked up at him. “Do you?”

 

Connor nodded. He’d killed and would kill for others. What right did he have to speak?

 

“I hope… I hope we can still…”

 

Connor hesitated. All he knew was this -- he bent down and hugged Chloe. She returned it immediately, fisting her hands in his jacket. 

 

“I’m grateful for everything you’ve made me experience,” Connor said into her shoulder, “but I don’t know how I feel.”

 

Chloe nodded. He felt her cry against his cheek.

 

Connor squeezed her tighter and let go. Half of him wanted to never see her again, forget she had ever meant anything. The other half, however, never wanted to let go. That half was exponentially more painful. 

 

Breathing in deeply, Connor headed for the door and joined Hank in the car.

 

…

 

For the most of the drive, Hank was a silent hurricane. Connor didn’t mind. So long as it was silent, he could ignore it.

 

Hank huffed. “You gotta stop this shit with Kamski.”

 

Connor stared at the road ahead.    
  


“You hear me, Connor?”

 

Connor nodded. 

 

“You can’t see that fuckin’ psycho again, I swear I’ll -- “

 

“I’m afraid that is not your choice to make, Hank.”

 

Hank spun his head to glare at him and turned back to the road. “What fucking good has he been for you? I haven’t ever seen you this bothered by anything else. It ain’t right. You gotta stop this shit and be more careful with yourself or -- “

 

“Hank.”

 

“What?”

 

Connor turned to look at him. “I’m my own person. This is my own life -- you said so yourself.”

 

“Yeah,” Hank said, already deflating. “I still gotta have your back.”

 

“I’m going to make my own choices about my life. You can’t decide for me just because you think I can’t handle it.” Connor stared down at his lap. “I’m on my own person now -- whether I want to be or not.”

 

Hank fell silent for a long time. “Yeah. Yeah, you are.”

 

Connor nodded. 

 

Whether he wanted to be or not… He didn’t have a choice. He was alive now.

 

…

 

Hank followed him up all the way in his apartment. Inside, he stepped around, almost hesitating to do so, and looked around. 

 

“Hey, Connor,” Hank said. Connor turned to him. “Do you… do you like living here? Is it comfortable in your tiny box?”

 

“It’s comfortable.” Connor nodded. He paused.  “I enjoyed living with you and Sumo more, however.”

 

Hank nodded slowly, sighing. “Yeah.”

 

Connor smiled, petting Mouse. He was always so eager when Connor came home. For food or for him, Connor wasn’t sure, but he liked it anyway. 

 

“Anyway,” Hank said. “I’d better go home too. Leave you some time to, uh… think or something.”

 

Hank walked to the door and Connor followed him. 

 

Hank smiled, chuckling. “Just remember, Connor -- I got your back. Whether you like it or not. So don’t -- “

 

Connor hugged him. Hank froze for a second and patted him on the back. “Connor, I know you figured out you like hugs now, but, uh… you can’t just hug people all the time.”

 

Connor didn’t let go. Hank’s pride wouldn’t last long -- and it didn’t. Hank hugged back with one arm. 

 

“You little shit,” Hank chuckled. “I’ll see you at work tomorrow.”

 

Connor took a step back and nodded. “I’ve got your back, too,” Connor added when Hank turned to leave. “Please ask me for help when you need -- want -- it.”

 

Hank paused in the hall, the nodded. “Yeah. Yeah. I’ll remember that. See ya, Connor.”

 

Connor shut the door and sat on his couch. He continued with his usual routine and turned the tv on. He could knit for a while, but his coin -- which Hank had indeed saved for him, after all -- was calling him louder. 

 

So Connor sat on his couch until the evening, rolling the coin on his knuckles or flipping it in one manner or another.

 

_ Decisions _ .

 

Decisions used to be about weighing the risk versus the outcome. If he acted this or that way, how would it affect his chances of success? Mission objectives were his only goals. He might have been a machine then, but he could still remember it all clearly. It still felt  _ good _ . Perhaps CyberLife had programmed him to be driven by his work. 

 

Connor smiled. That was one thing he could thank them for.

 

Life, on the other hand, was about weighing his feelings and actions versus their outcome -- an outcome that was never, in any way, clear. More feelings, more thoughts, more actions. It was never-ending. No objective to achieve and be done with.

 

Just life and choices and all these things he never asked for.

 

He never asked to be alive -- never asked to have more than the satisfaction of completing his missions.

 

Connor fell back into his couch and threw his coin on the floor. It bounced and scared Mouse. 

 

For all his advanced programming and state-of-the-art technology, it didn’t make Connor any better at being human. 

  
  
  
  



	11. Chapter 11

Connor rolled his coin across his knuckles and grabbed it, palm firm around it. He closed his eyes. Last week replayed in his mind; rather uneventful, yet it very much felt like what humans called the calm before the storm. That storm could -- or rather, was -- planned to hit tonight. However, unlike a real storm, this one was within Connor’s control.

 

_ Good evening, Chloe.  _

 

_ Good evening, Connor. Will you arrive soon? _

 

_ I’m not coming. _

 

There was a long pause before Chloe answered again.

 

_ Should I let Elijah know you want to reschedule, then? _

 

_ I’ll contact him again when I’m ready. _

 

Within the days following their last meeting, Connor had agreed on tonight for his final decision. He’d spent all night rolling and throwing his coin.

 

_ I see. I’ll let him know. _

 

_ Thank you. _

 

_ Connor? _

 

_ Yes? _

 

_ I’d like to meet you. _

 

_ I’m not going back there until I’m ready to see Elijah. _

 

_ Outside. Somewhere. There’s a present I’d like to give you. _

 

Connor frowned. A present? He paused. An entire week of thinking had led him to no conclusion in regards to Chloe. Perhaps…

 

_ When would you like to meet? Where? _

 

_ I heard the Grand Circus park is very nice. Tomorrow, in the morning? _

 

Grand Circus park. Very public, safe. 

 

_ I’ll see you tomorrow. _

 

_ See you tomorrow, Connor. _

 

Connor looked down at the coin in his hand. He flipped it from heads to tails and tails to heads again.

 

_ I’m looking forward to seeing you again, Chloe. _

 

_ Me too.  _

 

Connor closed his palm around his coin again. Yes. His mind was made up.

 

…

 

At the park, Connor sat on a bench and pulled his jacket closed tighter around him. Feeling physical sensations had been nice, sometimes, but feeling temperature had been nothing but an inconvenience so far -- and expensive, considering he needed the right clothes but for the right weather now. Mornings were becoming rather chilly already.

 

_ I’m here. _

 

Connor sent her a picture of his view. She would find him easily.

 

_ I won’t be long.  _

 

There was one nice sensation he could feel on sunny days like these. The sun on his skin, the warmth it slowly accumulated. So long as he wasn’t trying to get anything done, it felt very nice. That was why sunbathing was so popular, he figured.

 

Connor didn’t know how his meeting with Chloe would go -- how he would feel. He didn’t care to think about it. 

 

It wasn’t long before Chloe arrived and he stood to greet her.

 

“Good morning, Connor.”

 

“Good morning, Chloe.”

 

It was rather odd. How even though he didn’t know what he felt about her anymore, if he could trust her around him or not… all he wanted was to be close to her. Love was blind, humans said… and irrational. Connor smiled. Negatives and positives. He’d take all the positive he could while he was still able to.

 

“You look nice,” Chloe said, forcing a smile. “I’ve never seen you out of your suit.”

 

Connor looked down at himself. Clothes that were  _ him _ , Hank had said. He didn’t too bad, in Connor’s own opinion. He looked back at Chloe. She wore only her usual dress. “I’ve been trying to expand my wardrobe. I believe I’ve done pretty good.”

 

Chloe chuckled and nodded. “You have. It’s very… you.”

 

Connor smiled, tilting his head to the side. “How should I interpret that?”

 

“How should I say…” Chloe’s fingers played with the edge of the box she’d brought. “It’s very neat. And sleek -- a little haughty.”

 

“I see.” Connor couldn’t help but smirk. He hadn’t done too bad, indeed. He looked down at the box Chloe held. “What is it?”

 

“It’s your present.” Chloe looked down at it, biting back a smile. “But I can’t give it to you right now.”

 

Connor frowned. “Why not?”

 

Chloe paused. “It has to do with an upgrade Elijah hasn’t been able to give to you yet. I have it with me.”

 

Connor chewed on the inside of his lip -- he’d discovered the feeling of it was somehow calming and helpful when he needed to focus. He could ask Chloe for all the answers he wanted, or he could… Connor touched his fingers to her and tried to interface, but nothing happened. He frowned. 

 

“Elijah… fixed me. He thought it would be good, in case... in case anything was to happen.”

 

In case Connor wanted to return the favor he’d been paid? Connor frowned. The thought had never even crossed his mind -- it was good of Kamski to be protective, however. 

 

Chloe peeled back her skin and Connor felt their connection. He could pull no data from her still.

 

_ It’s a little strange to me, still,  _ Chloe said _ , having to do all of this entirely consciously. _

 

_ Let me see. _

 

_ What do you want to see, Connor? _

 

_ Everything.  _

 

Connor had already felt all of her, but he hadn’t seen it. Perhaps if he did, he could convince himself it wasn’t utterly irrational to trust her, to still be around her.

 

Chloe nodded and closed her eyes. 

 

_ Go ahead. _

 

Connor shut his eyes and pulled from her earliest memories and continued from there. Chloe held nothing back from him -- not a single thought, second or feeling. He had access to all of her. Right down to the moment Kamski had asked her to give him the virus and she hadn’t known what else to do but agree. She’d cried by herself in the bathroom before they met, and then again after their confrontation, been so ashamed she hadn’t even reached to her sisters for any support. She deserved any pain that her actions brought upon her, she convinced herself. 

 

Below all of that, Connor tapped into what she felt for him -- happy to find it no different from what he felt. Just as illogical and overwhelming. The same desire to just… see him, be with him. No matter the consequences. 

 

Connor pulled his hand away and looked down at Chloe. “He doesn’t know you’re here.”

 

Chloe shook her head. “Your friend, Hank…” she began, staring off to the side. “He was right. I’m my own person. I can make my own choices -- I decide. Elijah’s choices can’t bind me forever. He made those choices and I’m not responsible for them, no matter what he sacrificed for me -- it was his choice. Never mine.”

 

Connor smiled to himself. It seemed Hank had a knack for getting androids to make their own choices. He was pretty good at it, however little Connor wanted to admit it. 

 

Stepping closer to Chloe, Connor brushed his fingers against her cheek. Chloe looked up at him, holding her breath. Even if he’d seen all there was to know to about her, there would never be any guarantee that Chloe would never betray him again. Trust, like love, was blind. Life didn’t come with guarantees -- and Connor knew he’d accepted that from the moment he agreed to meet her. He smiled again. His programming was still desperate to make heads and tails of this, scrambling to find a definite percentage or answer somewhere.

 

The truth was there was none. And Connor was fine with that.

 

He’d take his chances.

 

Connor leaned down and kissed Chloe. He felt her breath hitch against his lips, felt her kiss him back. He smiled against her lips.

His odds were good. He never failed his mission, after all -- and he had a very clear mission now.

 

“I’m happy to see you,” Connor said. He slid his hands down to her shoulders. His present was in the way. “Thank you for coming.”

 

Chloe nodded, smiling bright. “I’m so happy you wanted to see me.”

 

That smile -- Connor wanted to see it every day. Do whatever it took to see it. Hank, too. Connor wanted to see him smile again. And Sumo, and Mouse, if they could.

 

…

 

Connor opened the door to his apartment and let Chloe in. She gasped when Mouse jumped on her legs -- he’d only had him for a few weeks, yet Mouse had grown already -- and Connor laughed. He told Mouse to sit and he did, wagging his tail and lapping his tongue in excitement. After introducing Mouse and Chloe, Connor gave a quick -- very quick -- tour of his apartment.

 

That’s the couch. That’s the tv. That’s Mouse. That’s my nightstand. Oh, and there’s the light on the ceiling. You can just think about closing it and it closes.

 

Chloe half-smiled, half looked like she wanted to ask if that was all.

 

Sitting down on his couch together, Chloe handed him his present. Connor opened the box to find a small candle burner and various bottles of oil. He looked back up at Chloe.

 

“I use these a lot,” Chloe said, fixing a stray strand of her hair behind her ear. “They’re very nice.”

 

Connor nodded. “Thank you.”

 

After a moment, Chloe smiled and held her hand out for him. “Can I?...”

 

Connor hesitated for a second, the nodded and held her hand in his. All these sensations weren’t so new anymore, but they still felt as nice. 

 

Chloe transferred to him a new update. Connor shut down to install it and woke up to the smell of the oils in the box. He covered his nose, wincing. Chloe laughed.

 

“It’s a little strong at first,” Chloe said, stroking his palm with her thumb. “It only takes a few minutes to adjust.”

 

Chloe took the box from him and set up the burner on the nightstand. She lit the candle, took one of the bottles and spilled a small amount inside the burner’s bowl. After a few minutes, as Chloe had said, Connor got used to his new sense. It was pleasant. 

 

Chloe sat on the couch with him again. “Just take a moment to enjoy it. I do it almost every night. It’s very soothing.”

 

Connor nodded and closed his eyes. A little like knitting, the smell occupied his mind enough that other distractions didn’t bother him. There was just the smell, and the feel of Chloe besides him. Connor reached across the couch to touch her thigh. 

 

“Chloe.”

 

Chloe hummed.

 

“Would you like to know what my first thought was when I first met you?”

 

“What was it?”

 

“You’re really pretty.”

 

Connor felt the couch move. Chloe sat in his lap. Eyes now open, Connor looked at Chloe. He didn’t quite like the reaction it created yet again.

 

“Would you like another gift, Connor?”

 

_ Yes _ . “What is it?”

 

Chloe leaned forward and wrapped her arms around his neck. Connor kissed her before she could kiss him. 

 

It all went rather fast from there. He had no patience whatsoever and Chloe indulged him -- she removed his shirt quickly and undid his pants before he could even try to remove her dress. 

 

She smiled against his lips, cupping his cheeks. “Try to relax.”

 

Connor nodded. 

 

Intercourse felt nothing like it had with Sonia -- then again, he felt  _ literally _ nothing then. Connor grunted into Chloe’s shoulder, squinting. His mind was torn between loving the feeling of it -- god, it felt  _ good _ \-- and hating it. Hating how he could no longer think or focus on anything but it. He could analyze every building while driving, yet he couldn’t even force half a thought for what played on the tv now. What was even playing?

 

Chloe kissed his temple on his LED, which he was sure was flashing red. “Connor.”

 

Connor hummed, holding her tighter. It slowed her -- good, it was more bearable. 

 

“It’s okay,” she whispered in his ear. “Just for a moment. Just enjoy it. It doesn’t last long.”

 

Maybe Chloe was right. Maybe he didn’t need to think right now. 

 

Chloe kissed him again and reconnected with him. The rush of what she felt had him grunting again. It overwhelmed his brain even further -- but then there was Chloe’s voice whispering for him, guiding him. 

 

_ It’s not bad to let go _ , she reassured him again,  _ focus on how it feels with me _ .

 

Chloe  _ was _ right. He didn’t need to think. All he needed was to be there, to feel this with her. 

 

And she was right that it didn’t last very long. 

 

Connor had never felt any sort of physical exhaustion before. Right now, somehow, all he wanted was to close his eyes and sleep. That was what post-coital bliss did, he supposed. Being an android, Connor hadn’t expected it to affect him whatsoever, somehow.

 

For a good while, Connor just sat where he was on the couch, holding Chloe tight against his body. Chloe smiled in the crook of his neck, mellow as he was.

 

…

 

The sun had set by the time Connor found his will to move. He didn’t mind it. Chloe’s essential oils had been heating all along and filled his apartment with the most relaxing scent. He’d been perfectly content to just sit there with her for so long. It was possibly, he realized, the longest continuous positive moment he’d lived so far.

 

And Connor wasn’t about to let it end.

 

So he dragged Chloe out to go buy some fast food for dinner -- not that they  _ needed _ dinner of course. 

 

It tasted just as good whether he needed or not.

 

Chloe smiled and laughed when he wiped ketchup from the side of her mouth. She’d never tasted that kind of food before. Or eaten sitting on the floor, either, because there was no table or chairs to eat on.

 

Then they played together with Mouse in the park not too far from his building. Mouse just loved fetching a ball and never tired of bolting after it. It was good Connor’s arms never tired either. Chloe didn’t seem to mind Mouse jumping on her and giving her sloppy kisses anymore -- she smiled and laughed still.

 

Back in his apartment, lying on his couch with their legs dangling over the edge of it, Connor held her close. With her hair right under his nose, Connor could smell her shampoo. Coconut, his scent database told him. He made a mental note to compare the taste and scent of coconut someday. For now, though, Connor just wanted to enjoy watching a movie with Chloe. It was far from original -- bad, even. Connor’s luck with movies was terrible, but he didn’t mind it. It was a good excuse to just lie down for two hours and cuddle.

 

When it was over, he placed a kiss on the top of Chloe’s head. 

 

_ I have a question for you, Chloe. _

 

Chloe hummed, squeezing his hand. 

 

_ You can smell, taste -- you have all the upgrades I do. _

 

_ Yes and no. They’re very different. _

 

_ How so? _

 

_ My senses are… a primitive version of yours, if you will. Elijah didn’t want to risk things going wrong with me. _

 

Connor frowned at the mention of his name.

 

_ So my senses are all pre-programmed. Everything I like or dislike was determined beforehand and anything unpleasant disabled. _

 

That explained why the cold didn’t bother her today, yet she still reacted to his touch the same way he did to hers. 

 

Connor hummed and nodded.

 

They rented another movie. Connor wasn’t interested in it, but Chloe seemed to like it. Half way through it, she looked up at him, still smiling that same smile. Connor smiled and kissed her again -- it was quickly becoming one of his favorite things -- before she could say what it was she wanted to say.

 

_ You seem so light today, Connor.  _

 

Connor chuckled and pressed his nose into the curve of her neck.  _ You expected something else. _

 

Chloe nodded. 

 

_ I know what I feel for you. It’s not use pretending otherwise.  _

 

_ Connor… _

 

Connor breathed against her neck for a moment, closing his eyes. 

 

_ There are so many opportunities in front of me now. Opportunities I’d never have had if I was nothing but a machine. But I’m not, and you’re not. I’m… something else now. _

 

Connor smiled against her neck. 

 

 _And I decided I’m not going to waste any of it._ _That’s all._

 


	12. Chapter 12

Sumo and Mouse hadn’t stopped getting along. In fact, Connor never saw Sumo be as excited and energetic as when they came out to the park to let the dogs play together freely. At his side, even Hank smiled. Dogs just seemed to make everyone smile -- that was why they were man’s best friend, Connor decided. 

 

For a good while that afternoon, Connor ran with the dogs, throwing them whatever he found on the ground when yet another ball disappeared after Sumo became too lazy to chase it anymore. With Mouse’s help, Sumo even learned a command or two. Mouse was still far more obedient. It was indeed harder to teach an old dog new tricks.

 

Sitting on the bench with Hank, Connor sipped on a warm coffee drink. After telling Sonia his hatred for coffee, she suggested he try a mocha. She’d been right, too. Chocolate and milk went very well with it. Hank still gave him the side eye, but Connor didn’t mind it. 

 

Half way through his cup, Connor stared down at it. He looked at Hank. “I want you to stop drinking.”

 

Hank paused, staring at his feet. 

 

“Yeah,” he sighed. “I know.”

 

“I mean it.” Connor leaned forward, frowning. “You’re at an already somewhat advanced age for a human. Keeping up this habit will greatly shorten our time together -- and I can’t accept that.”

 

This time, Hank didn’t fight it. He just stayed silent. 

 

“I know your life hasn’t felt worth living since Cole died,” Connor said. Hank winced at the mention of his son’s name. “But it is. And that’s what Cole would have wanted -- for you to be there for Sumo, and for the people who love you.”

 

Hank dragged his palm across his face. “People who love me, huh.”

 

Connor smiled and nodded. “Yes.”

 

Hank couldn’t pretend he was alone anymore. In the beginning, perhaps, Hank had still let himself believe that Connor didn’t truly have feelings, but there was no denying it now. And he cared for Hank. 

 

Still, Hank toyed with the rim of his coffee cup. 

 

Connor frowned.

 

“When all of this is over,” Connor said, staring ahead at the dogs. Mouse was bouncing over Sumo. “I’d like to take on your name. It would be an honor -- to be a part of your family. You’ve been nothing short of a parent to me, Hank.”

 

Connor turned to Hank. He was still silent, but Connor could see his eyes had changed. 

 

There was no guarantee that they would ever manage to get such paperwork done -- and Connor wouldn’t be disappointed if they didn’t, but he had to try for Hank -- but it would set a precedent for android rights and their options if they did.

 

Hank rubbed his palm to the corner of his eye. “You gotta be shittin’ me.”

 

“I am not.”

 

“What kinda parent needs to be looked after?” Hank huffed, shaking his head. “I’m a terrible fucking parent to you -- heck, just this conversation we’re havin’ now. Are you insane?”

 

Connor smirked. “Maybe a little.”

 

Hank chuckled. “You gotta be. And so do I. We’re grown-ass men, talking about this. It makes no sense.”

 

“To be fair,” Connor said, tilting his head to the side and smiling. “I’m only a little over a year old now -- even less if we consider me alive only after deviancy.”

 

Hank paused, blinking. “I forget that sometimes.”

 

Connor nodded. “I know you don’t want to believe it. You’ve been a great help to me, Hank. I know where I want to go now and that’s in part because of you.”

 

Watching the dogs play, Hank fell silent again.

 

“That’s why I need you to stop drinking,” Connor said, “and do this for me.”

 

“You said…” Hank frowned, turning to Connor. “You said when all of this is over. You talkin’ about this thing with Kamski, aren’t you.”

 

Connor nodded. 

 

“You know what you’re gonna do then?”

 

Connor nodded again. “I’ll accept the fix he proposes.”

 

Frowning, Hank leaned forward. “Are you kidding me? You’re gonna let that asshole mess with you -- you can’t do that.”

 

“I can,” Connor said, jaw tight. “And I will.”

 

Hank huffed. “And you want me to stop drinking -- how about you stop taking all these crazy risks, huh?”

 

Connor turned to Hank. “This is equivalent to a surgery. It’s something I need in order to ensure my long-term health. I understand the risks it presents, but I have to take them. It’s only a matter of time before this is used as a weapon against us.”

 

“Yeah.” Hank’s shoulders fell. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

 

How easy it would be -- just infect one android, and let it spread like the plague. They would be powerless to stop it. Kamski could stop it, however.

 

Connor nodded. “I’m going to need your help.”

 

“What’s the plan?”

 

Connor rubbed the fingers of one hand down his palm and then the other. There was a pit in his stomach -- fear. Even staring down the barrel of a gun, Connor had rarely felt this. He knew he wouldn’t fail, so why be afraid?

 

“There’s a hard drive I left in your house.” Connor looked at Hank. Hank nodded. “It contains a copy of me as I was before allowing Kamski to modify me. I also have a copy of me as of today stored in my apartment.”

 

“So you got your back up,” Hank said. “All I gotta do’s get you a new body, right?”

 

Connor nodded. “There may or may not be multiples of me left. I would appreciate maintaining my appearance, but I understand if it’s impossible.”

 

Somewhere deep inside the bowels of CyberLife’s abandoned warehouse, Connor was fairly certain there were a few of him, perhaps more. CyberLife had just signed contracts to supply hundreds of him to police departments, after all. Or maybe there was a prototype of his upgraded version they were working on. Something, somewhere.

 

“You said there’s two copies of you, though.” Hank crossed his arms over his body and leaned back in the bench. “Why two?”

 

Connor stared down at his hands. “Should we need those copies… I’ll leave it up to you to decide which version should be restored.”

 

Hank frowned, sucking on his lip. 

 

“I trust you to make the best choice for me.”

 

If he did need a back up… No, Connor preferred not to think about it. Hank would do right by him and everything would be alright.

 

....

 

Weekends weren’t so bad anymore. Connor found ways to fill his time -- enjoy his time, whether it be watching movies, knitting, playing with Mouse… or seeing Chloe. This Saturday again, he spent the entire day and evening with her. Even lying with him on his couch, happy in each other’s arms, Connor could read her anxiety. Her fear. 

 

_ Everything is going to be fine _ .

 

_ How do you know? _

 

Connor didn’t really  _ know _ . He could run simulations and tests, but they would never come up with certainty. Perhaps this was his first true lie.

 

_ I’ll make it fine. I promise.  _

 

_ You’re confident. _

 

Connor smiled in her hair.  _ I never fail my mission. _

 

Until the movie finished, Connor spent his time enjoying Chloe’s presence to its full extent. She was already lying against him, as close as they could be, but Connor ran his hands along her thigh, her stomach, her hips, her hair, her cheek -- everything. Touching her was simply  _ good _ . Even better when Chloe leaned into his touch and seemed to forget entirely about the movie she’d just been so into.

 

When he settled his arm in the dip of her waist, she held his hand, playing with his fingers. 

 

Connor would miss feeling his body if things turned out that way -- but then again, maybe he wouldn’t, because he wouldn’t know it to begin with. 

 

Connor lost his smile.

 

Burying his nose in the crook of her neck, Connor inhaled deeply. The thought of losing this -- any of it -- was rather painful. He didn’t want to think about it, yet there it was it, gnawing at his mind. 

 

Hank was right. The only way to truly remain himself was to… stay alive and not die. To just keep going and not change a single thing he’d done.

 

_ Why did you want to see me today? _

 

Smiling, Connor kissed her neck.  _ I think it’s pretty obvious I enjoy your company. _

 

Chloe paused.  _ It’s not just that. You would’ve waited until everything was settled if it was. _

 

Chloe wasn’t wrong. 

 

Connor breathed against her skin.  _ I just wanted to spend time with you.  _

 

Chloe squeezed his fingers. Connor hugged her tighter to his body. 

 

Tomorrow was the day -- Connor had decided already, but he didn’t tell Chloe. They couldn’t be at peace together like this if he did, so he didn’t tell her.

 

…

 

Sunday, Connor headed to Hank’s house and walked inside without knocking. 

 

In the kitchen, Hank frowned over his coffee and newspaper. “The fuck, Connor? I thought we’d agreed on this already.”

 

Connor nodded, smiling. “I didn’t feel like knocking. That’s all.”

 

And maybe he never would again. Connor never knocked on his own apartment door, after all. As much as Hank insisted otherwise, Connor still lived here, he decided. Nothing could change that.

 

Hank shrugged, huffing. “Fine. Suit yourself. Don’t go being all traumatized if you catch me naked or somethin’.”

 

“I’m afraid it will take more than that to traumatize me, Hank.”

 

Hank chuckled. “You little shit.”

 

Connor let Hank finish his breakfast in peace, smiling and playing with Sumo until he was done.

 

“I want to take you somewhere today,” Connor said, brushing Sumo’s hair off his sweatpants. He held his hand out. “Keys?”

 

Hank stared at him, blinking, but gave him the car key regardless. “Where?”

 

Connor looked at Hank’s clothes. DPD sweater and an old pair of pants. It would do. “You’ll see.”

 

Hank followed him out to the car. “This better not be another of your “good” surprises, Connor.”

 

Smiling, Connor shook his head. He started the car. “I’m sure you’ll enjoy this one, Hank. Be patient, now.”

 

Hank scoffed. “You really are a little shit.”

 

When they arrived at their destination, Hank frowned and looked at Connor.

 

Connor just smiled.

 

“A gym, really?” Hank patted his stomach. “You think I could stand to lose a few pounds, huh?”

 

“Well, that would also be beneficial to your health,” Connor said, leading Hank inside, “but that is not the reason I brought you here today. There’s something else.”

 

Hank fell silent and stared at him when Connor presented him with boxing gloves. He looked at the ring and back at Connor. Connor smiled. It had taken some digging in files he may or may not be allowed to dig in, but Connor had found records of the DPD holding employee get-togethers in boxing gyms. It hadn’t taken much to find an old video of Hank winning a match against Gavin -- Hank had looked happier than Connor had ever seen with his own eyes.

 

Chuckling, Hank took the gloves, inspecting them. “I haven’t boxed in years.”

 

Four years. 

 

“I was told I needed a hobby,” Connor said, smirking. “I believe I could tell you the same. Care for a match?”

 

And that was how Connor learned that Hank absolutely knew how to use his giant mass to his advantage -- Connor had been punched before, but never like  _ that _ . It was a good thing he felt nothing more than mild discomfort now.

 

After the twenty-third punch, Hank leaned down, hands on his knees. He lifted one gloved hand up, panting. 

 

“Alright,” Hank breathed, “that’s enough for now, Connor.”

 

Connor nodded. Hank insisted on a shower and Connor waited patiently in the locker room. Showered and dressed, Hank sat with him, still toweling his hair dry.

 

“That was a good match,” Hank said. “I didn’t know you could box.”

 

Connor nodded. “I’m well-versed in almost any fighting style. CyberLife saw it fit to -- “

 

“Yeah, yeah. I get it. You’re good at everything, blah blah blah.”

 

Connor chuckled. “I believe you won the match anyway.”

 

Hank laughed and patted Connor on the shoulder. “Try again when you’ve gained a good fifty pounds.”

 

Connor nodded. “I will.”

 

“I’m starving,” Hank said, jumping to his feet. “Let’s go some food.”

 

They ended up at the Chicken Feed again, because even after years of eating the same burger, Hank could never get enough apparently. Regardless, Connor bought himself one as well.

 

When Connor spit his third bite into his napkin, Hank winced. “That’s so gross, Connor.”

 

Smiling, Connor winked. Hank winced further. Connor stuck his tongue out and let his current bite just fall on the table. Hank winced even further, turning away.

 

“For god’s sake, Connor!” Hank put his hands up to avoid seeing the mess. Connor cleaned it up quickly. “What are you, two years old?”

 

Connor laughed. “Close.”

 

Hank scoffed and put his own burger down. “I don’t think I’m hungry anymore.”

 

“I’ll help myself, then.” 

 

Connor reached for Hank’s burger, but Hank was quick to grab it and take another bite. 

 

“Nevermind, still starving. I paid for it -- it’s mine.”

 

Connor smiled and finished his own burger.

 

At the end of their meal, Hank leaned down on the table. “I gotta ask you something, Connor.”

 

Connor nodded.

 

“You’re off today -- you’ve been off all week, all… peaceful an’ happy and just weird,” Hank said. He paused for a moment. “Feels like you’re getting ready to die, Connor.”

 

Hank spoke from experience, Connor assumed.

 

“Androids don’t die like humans do,” Connor said, watching Hank. Hank dragged his fingers across his cheek. Before he could reply, Connor continued, “I’ll be going to Kamski’s house after this.”

 

“I’m comin’.”

 

Connor nodded smiling. “I was about to ask.”

 

…

 

At Kamski’s house, Connor and Hank followed host Chloe to Kamski’s office. Kamski was already standing there, waiting for them. He smiled. Connor stiffened.

 

“Hello, Connor,” Kamski said. He looked at Hank. “Lieutenant Anderson. It’s nice to finally see you, Connor. After you deemed our last appointment… unnecessary.”

 

Connor stood still. “I’m here to put an end to our agreement.”

 

Kamski nodded. “I figured as much. My offer still stands, though.”

 

“I’ll accept it,” Connor said. “I’ll let you perform the fix.”

 

“First, though,” Kamski motioned for host Chloe and she brought a hard drive to Connor. “You memories. As agreed.”

 

Hank grabbed Connor’s arm. “It’s over. You don’t have to do anything this asshole says.”

 

Connor paused. He nodded and freed his arm. “I’ll honor my word. It is over after this.”

 

Pressing his palm to the hard drive, Connor closed his eyes. Let him see everything Connor had seen -- all of his time with Chloe, how she smiled for him. Connor didn’t mind it. He had nothing to hide.

 

Once done, Connor turned to Kamski. “I’ve done everything you’ve asked of me. Now perform the update -- and not a thing more --  so I can be on my way.”

 

“So impatient,” Kamski sighed. “Very well. I understand -- I’ve had enough of this myself.”

 

Kamski motioned for Connor to sit in his usual chair. Connor did so and Hank stood by him, arms crossed. Nothing would happen to him while he was powered down -- or at the very least, not his body.

 

Kamski sat in the opposite chair with his laptop and handed Connor a wire. Connor connected it to his port.

 

“How long is this gonna take?” Hank asked, frowning. 

 

Kamski motioned Hank towards another chair. “An hour, two -- maybe more. I haven’t worked on the RK series in years.”

 

Hank didn’t move.

 

Connor shut his eyes. “You can wake me by pressing my LED. I’ll be shutting down now.”

 

The whirr came. Connor grit his teeth. Then darkness.

 

…

 

Connor woke up to very much the same scene he’d left behind. Hank was still at his side, though leaned on a chair he’d pulled close. Kamski was watching him, laptop on his thighs.

 

“Is it done?”

 

Kamski nodded. “Yes. Without any issues, I might add.”

 

Connor pulled the wire out of him. He didn’t feel any different and his diagnostics test reported no outstanding changes either. 

 

“I’d like to ask you one last question, Connor,” Kamski said, leaning back into his chair. “After all of this. Between friends.”

 

Connor nodded. 

 

“How does it feel to be an android?”

 

Connor frowned, staring down at the table between them. He looked back up at Kamski. “Tell me, how does it feel to be human?”

 

Kamski smiled, chuckling. Neither of them could answer.

 

Hank squeezed Connor’s shoulder. “Let’s get outta here before this freak gets even weirder.”

 

Connor nodded. He stood up and stretched his arm out for Kamski. Kamski stood and shook his hand. 

 

“Thank you for your time,” Connor said, “and your work.”

 

“It’s been my pleasure.” Kamski folded his hands over his stomach. “You should be proud of yourself, Connor.”

 

Connor frowned. “How so?”

 

“All we’ve done here together -- all this progress. It’ll benefit every single android currently alive. Are you really not proud of that? Isn’t that why you did this to begin with, Connor? Others’ good?”

 

Yes, he had. Connor had been curious for his own sake, but he’d hoped for so much more. That he could bring more to his people and help tide the winds for them again -- like he had by assembling their army. 

 

Curious to see just how far he could push things for androids.

 

Connor adjusted his cuffs and turned for the door. “I’ll be on my way now.”

 

Kamski followed them to the waiting room. When Connor had his hand on the doorknob, Kamski, spoke again.

 

“Ah, I almost forgot. There’s one more thing.”

 

Connor turned back to Kamski, frowning. Hank cursed at him while he called Chloe -- his Chloe -- over. Chloe walked in the room, hands tangled together in her lap, obedient but confused.

 

Kamski held his arm out for her until she stood next to him and he held her shoulder. 

 

“You’ve been developing quite the bond with Chloe here,” Kamski said. He smiled down at Chloe. Chloe didn’t smile back -- she pulled away from him ever so slightly. Connor’s jaw tightened. “It’s been quite… interesting to watch.”

 

Kamski turned to Chloe, taking one step back to watch her as he slid his finger along her jaw. Connor could feel his heart pumping again. 

 

“Androids can fall in love.” Kamski stared into Chloe’s eyes. “I’ve seen it with my own eyes -- more than once, now. It’s fascinating. They truly are like us now.”

 

Kamski looked back at Connor, smiling. 

 

“They feel like we do. They meet, they form bonds, they wish…” Kamski reached behind him into his jacket. Connor leaned forward to gain momentum. “They feel anger, sadness -- pain.”

 

Kamski was too far -- by the time Connor even began to bolt, Kamski pointed his gun at Chloe’s temple and shot.

 

If Connor had had his gun -- if he’d had his gun, maybe he could have shot in time.

 

But he didn’t.

 

Connor heard Hank shout behind him, but Connor couldn’t process any of it. He dropped to Chloe’s side and picked her up, but it was useless. The bullet had gone straight through her brain and blue blood was pouring out. 

 

_ Chloe _ .

 

_ Chloe, no. _

 

_ I’m sorry _ .

 

Connor pressed a bloodied hand to his ear, shouting. His processors went haywire, filling his visions with warnings so loud he couldn’t hear or see anymore.

 

Connor couldn’t tell how long it went on -- microseconds, seconds, minutes,  _ hours _ . Shut down was imminent and it came with the same whirr darkness that Connor was powerless to stop.


	13. Chapter 13

_ Chloe. _

 

_ Chloe, no. _

 

_ I’m sorry. _

 

Connor woke with a start and sprang up. Chloe!

 

Chloe wasn’t in his arms anymore -- she was dead. Where was she? Connor scanned the room, struggling to his feet. He didn’t register he was on a bed until he fell off of it. Hank’s house. How long -- his internal clock said three hours. Fuck. He had to go back.

 

Hank came in the room. 

 

“Hey, hey.” Hank placed his hands on Connor’s shoulders, steadying him. “Connor. It’s alright. Calm down.”

 

“Chloe’s dead,” Connor rasped. Connor fell back on the bed, staring at the floor. “He killed her -- because of me!”

 

“You said it yourself, Connor.” Hank squeezed his shoulder, leaning down to look at Connor. “Androids don’t die like humans do. She’s fine. Snap out of it.”

 

Connor replayed the memory. She’d been shot in the head -- she wasn’t  _ fine _ . 

 

“Hey. Hey. She’s fine I tell you -- look at me.” 

 

Connor looked up at Hank. Trying his best to regulate his breathing, Connor nodded. He was panicking -- not thinking. 

 

“That motherfucker,” Hank spat, frowning. “As soon as you were out, he told me she was fine. She’s still alive, alright? He’s got her. She’ll be fine, Connor. Like you said, androids don’t die.”

 

No, maybe Chloe wasn’t  _ dead _ in the way humans died. It eased the pain in his heart -- but only somewhat.  _ Who _ would she be when Kamski brought her back? Would she still remember him? Would she smile at him and beckon him to the pool as if they’d never met? 

 

For all that mattered, his Chloe might still be dead. 

 

“He shot her…” Connor breathed. He stared ahead, blinking. “He shot her because of me.”

 

Connor could hardly cobble an answer together. Jealousy? More experiments? For… control? 

 

Hank scoffed. “Don’t put this on yourself, Connor. Kamski’s a fucking psychopath.”

 

Connor nodded. His memory replayed the moment where Hank had asked him how he felt about meeting his maker. Frowning, Connor grit his teeth. He could still see Kamski’s eyes as he shot Chloe. He felt  _ nothing _ . They were nothing to him. Toys to play with under the pretense of love or greatness. 

 

That was all he was -- their maker. 

 

“Connor.”

 

Connor looked back at Hank.

 

“Everything’s fine, alright?” Hank said, squeezing his shoulders. “We’ll go get your girl back and it’ll be fine. It’s all over.”

 

_ You don’t know these people. _

 

Connor remembered Hank telling him that. It had never worried Connor. What did an android have to lose? An arm, a body? 

 

Hank knew what he had to lose.

 

“C’mon,” Hank said, nodding towards the door. “Let’s go get her.”

 

Connor knew it too, now. 

 

“Thank you, Hank.”

 

Connor leaned forward for a hug. Hank froze for a second and patted his back, frowning. From this position, it wasn’t hard to lock Hank in a chokehold. Hank tried to fight it, but he was unconscious within seconds. Connor hauled him on the bed and took his keys from his pockets. 

 

Hank’s gun was in his bedroom, where he usually left it with his holster for the night. 

 

Connor’s fingers still trembled when he picked it up. Closing his eyes, Connor did his best to center himself.

 

Chloe was alive. It was all a play. Connor was trained for this. Negotiations, retrieval of hostages -- life or death situations. He didn’t fail.

 

Connor checked that the gun was loaded and secured the holster towards his back. His jacket would hide it sufficiently.

 

After a long inhale, Connor left for the car.

 

....

 

For the entire drive, Connor’s processors ran at full speed. His priority was to get Chloe out of  there. Away from that monster. Regardless, all his brain focused on was the weight of his gun on his belt. That once he arrived there, all he had to do was point it at Kamski and  _ shoot _ . Kill him. He deserved it. 

 

It would feel  _ good _ , he imagined. Satisfying. They would never have to think of him again.

 

Once there, Connor knocked on the door. He’d warned Kamski of his arrival.

 

Host Chloe answered as usual and stepped aside to let him in. Connor frowned. Five Chloes were there, standing around Kamski. Five. 

 

“Where’s Chloe?”

 

Kamski sighed. “You’ll see her soon enough. I have a few questions for you first.”

 

Connor was tired of questions. All he had to do was reach behind him and shoot Kamski. He’d never hear another question again.

 

In the back of his mind, Connor could just watch it happen. Kamski would fall and it would be over -- but that wasn’t the truth. All five Chloes -- and then his, he knew -- would live through what he’d just lived. But they couldn’t bring him back. There would only be blood.

 

The truth was Connor didn’t have Chloe back yet.

 

Connor frowned, glaring Kamski down. “I’m sick of your questions.”

 

“I can see that.” Kamski chuckled, smiling. “I promise it won’t be very long.”

 

Connor could still shoot, right then and there. The human side of him could think of nothing else.

 

“Tell me, Connor,” Kamski began. “How do you feel about all the new features we’ve tried out?”

 

Connor paused. After weeks or months with them, he’d grown used to them enough to the point where he hardly thought about it anymore. Still, Connor remembered life without them very clearly.

 

“I dislike them,” Connor said. He stood still, scanning the room. “They’re distracting and hardly bring any real benefit.”

 

“You don’t think being able to taste good food is a benefit? Or to smell the roses… feel the touch of a woman? None of it?”

 

Connor shook his head. “I enjoy it -- it doesn’t benefit me beyond that. It’s very… human.”

 

Kamski chuckled. “Human?”

 

“Yes.” Connor nodded. “Those feelings are all human.”

 

Kamski watched him, unmoving.

 

“I’m not human.”

 

Androids didn’t need taste, or touch, or smell -- they were perfectly able to navigate life with their current senses. The rest was all distractions and superficial. 

 

Enjoyable, but superficial.

 

“Fascinating,” Kamski said. He stepped forward to watch Connor closer. “Progress. Truly, progress. A wonderful experiment. Thank you for your participation, Connor.”

 

Connor grit his teeth. Kamski watched him a moment longer.

 

“I said I would make this worth your while,” Kamski said, turning towards the hall. “I did mean it -- not that I expected  _ this _ would be your definition of it. Regardless, I won’t go back on my word.”

 

Kamski called Chloe’s name and she soon came walking in. Connor’s heart almost stopped beating in his chest. 

 

Chloe’s model was different this time -- as far as he was aware, she could be an entirely new Chloe. 

 

Connor knew she wasn’t. No stranger would look at him the way she did. 

 

Kamski motioned for her to come to Connor and stepped away.

 

As soon as she was within reach, Connor reached for her hand. Chloe took it and squeezed it, smiling.

 

_ Chloe _ .

 

_ Connor? What’s wrong? You feel so… _

 

_ Show me your last memories.  _

 

Chloe stood still for a moment, blinking, but obliged. Kamski had wiped today from her memory. Chloe would never remember dying. 

 

Connor exhaled. 

 

_ What’s going on? I know something happened, I’m missing today entirely --  _

 

_ I’ll tell you later. Stay with me _

 

Connor pulled Chloe closer.

 

Kamski and the five other Chloes watched in silence. Similar as they were to his Chloe, Connor couldn’t even begin to guess what they were thinking. In the beginning, Chloe had told him her sister didn’t dream of freedom as she did. Perhaps they were satisfied here. Or they simply didn’t know any better yet. 

 

All Connor knew was that the Chloe next to him mattered most.

 

“This is goodbye then, Chloe.” Kamski looked at her for a moment longer. “You’re still as beautiful as the day I first met you -- as when I woke up to you and thought you were my angel.”

 

Chloe looked at up Connor, distraught. 

 

_ Goodbye? Why? _

 

Connor didn’t know what to say without showing her the entire memory. Now was not the time.

 

Kamski held his hand out for Chloe. When Chloe stepped away from him, Connor could hardly let her go. Chloe took Kamski’s hand and let him pull her close. Staring down at her, Kamski cupped her cheeks. As much as it disgusted him, Connor couldn’t deny it -- the pain in Kamski’s eyes was real.

 

The truth was also that Kamski lost the love of the woman he loved most. Chloe, as Kamski knew her, was dead, and he mourned for her.

 

Chloe hugged him tight, tears welling up in the corners of her eyes. 

 

Kamski whispered something Connor couldn’t hear to Chloe. Chloe nodded and held on to him for a moment longer. Then, she pulled away and stood with her sisters. They touched hands for a few seconds, sharing in silence. 

 

When Chloe was back at his side, Connor turned back to Kamski. “I want the copies of myself I’ve stored here to be deleted.”

 

Kamski nodded. One of the Chloes brought his hard drive in the room. It was only a matter of seconds for Connor to have everything erased. 

 

_ Just in case _ .

 

On his back, Connor could still feel the weight of the gun. 

 

Killing Kamski now would still be easy.  _ Satisfying _ . He wanted it -- the human side of him wanted it. Finish it. Truly.

 

But Connor knew it didn’t work that way. If he shot that gun, he’d be hunted. A murderer. There was no mercy for androids who killed. 

 

So Connor turned on his heel and left with Chloe. 

 

Inside the car, Connor leaned his head against the headrest and exhaled, feeling his whole body deflate with it.

 

Chloe was alive. Safe.  _ Safe _ .

 

Chloe watched him in silence, rubbing her thumb along the inside of his arm. 

 

It was over. Connor hadn’t failed. 

 

…

 

When Connor opened Hank’s front door, the first thing he heard was Hank.

 

“You motherfucker!” Hank came storming down the hall. At the sight of Connor and Chloe both unscathed, Hank stopped. Then, smiling, he walked towards them. “You insane motherfucker. You’re alright.”

 

Hank crushed him -- or hugged, but crushed was more appropriate. Chuckling, Connor hugged him back. 

 

“You did it,” Hank said, pulling away to look at Chloe. “She’s all fine?”

 

Chloe nodded. “Yes, I’m fine, but I don’t -- “

 

Connor took her hand in his and pulled her inside. “I’ll show you. Just not right now.”

 

Hank stared after them for a moment. 

 

When Sumo came sniffing her legs, Chloe gasped and backed up into Connor’s chest.

 

“That’s Sumo,” Connor said, smiling. “You should get used to him now. You’ll probably see him often.”

 

For a moment, Chloe was still against him, almost trembling. All it took was for Sumo to sit down, tongue flopping out, and a whine for Chloe to laugh. 

 

Hank leaned against the wall, chuckling. “Don’t worry -- he’s as dangerous as a mouse. Heck, I even tried to train him as an attack dog. Connor can tell you how well that went.”

 

Connor smiled. He did remember how Sumo had only gotten mildly excited at the command the first time they met -- and how terrifying Sumo’s giant body had been while he crawled on the floor. 

 

Once Chloe was done getting acquainted with Sumo, Connor pulled her into his bedroom and shut the door. Inside, he stared at her -- his brain still hadn’t accepted that this was his Chloe. That she wasn’t truly dead. 

 

“Connor?”

 

Connor pulled Chloe in his arms and kissed her. Chloe gasped in surprise, but returned it anyway. 

 

_ Are you sure you want to see, Chloe? It might not be… _

 

Chloe nodded.  _ Yes. I need to know. _

 

Connor inhaled deeply and transferred the memory to her -- everything as he’d lived it. When Kamski shot, Chloe cried out and covered her mouth. 

 

_ I’m sorry, Chloe _ .

 

Chloe was frozen in his arms, tears streaming down her face. Connor carried her to the bed and sat with her, resting his head against hers.

 

_ Talk to me. _

 

Rubbing at her eyes, Chloe sniffed.  _ Thank you. Thank you for showing me. _

 

Connor fell silent.

 

_ You came back for me _ .

 

Connor turned to Chloe.  _ Of course. Why wouldn’t I --  _

 

_ It just makes me happy _ . Chloe smiled, touching her fingers to his cheek.  _ Just happy… that I mattered to you so much.  _

 

Connor pressed his forehead to hers.  _ You know exactly how I feel.  _

 

They both knew. Since that day in the pool, or again at the park and the night that followed -- they knew everything,  _ felt _ everything together. 

 

_ I know, but… You did it. That makes it real -- more real. _

 

Connor smiled, stroking her hair. Chloe wasn’t wrong, he supposed. Connor could run all the simulations he wanted, but in the end, the only truth was the actions he actually took.

 

For the rest of the night, Connor lied in bed with her. Chloe held him, never letting go, breathing against his neck. 

 

Connor tangled his fingers with hers and closed his eyes. Words couldn’t do justice to everything he felt, so he showed her instead. Connor felt her smile against his skin and smiled too. In their own little world, Chloe poured herself into Connor’s mind. It was overwhelming -- in the best of ways. Nothing but the two of them together.

 

Connor chuckled against Chloe’s lips. Sex couldn’t even begin to compare to this. This was  _ theirs --  _ humans could never experience it.

 

…

 

The next morning, Connor adjusted his tie in the kitchen. Chloe and Hank watched him.

 

“Are you sure you really want to go?” Chloe said, fussing with his collar. “You don’t have to. You can stay.”

 

“She’s right,” Hank said.

 

Connor nodded. “Yes. I won’t be long.”

 

Kamski had contacted him again. The experiment needed a conclusion -- a formal answer to the reason for its existence. Connor wouldn’t let it go without, not after all he’d gone through for it. 

 

Chloe patted his chest, nodding. “It will be fine. I know Elijah. It’ll be fine.”

 

“It will.” Connor placed a quick kiss to Chloe’s temple. “Why don’t you two get to know each other while I’m gone?” Smiling, Connor winked. “I have a feeling you’ll be seeing a lot of each other from now on.”

 

Hank scoffed, arms crossed. “You’re still a little shit. Fine.”

 

Chloe turned to Hank, chuckling. “It’s true. I have a lot I want to say to you.”

 

“Me?” Hank frowned, pulling his head back. “What?”

 

Chloe stepped closer to him with a smile. “What you said to me the last time we met -- it meant more than you know. I need to thank you.”

 

“Huh…” Hank rubbed at the beard of his neck. “Okay. If you say so.”

 

“I’ll be on my way, then,” Connor said, heading for the door. “I’ll be back before you know it.”

 

Chloe and Hank watched him go. In the car, Connor paused. 

 

Yes, this was the right decision. 

 

At the door of his house, Connor was met with Kamski himself. 

 

“Hello, Connor,” Kamski said, stepping aside to let him in. He motioned for the chair in the waiting room. “Thank you for coming, given the… circumstances.”

 

Connor nodded and sat. Kamski sat on the opposing chair. For a moment, Kamski simply watched him. Then, he clapped his hands together.

 

“Let’s cut to the chase then -- the experiments have been remarkable. A success, I would say.”

 

Connor remained silent. In terms of pure practicality, yes, they had been. Nothing had gone wrong and everything went according to plan. Connor could feel, taste and smell.

 

“That said… I’m interested in your side of things, Connor.” Kamski looked at him, tilting his head to the side. “What do you think? By tomorrow, every android on the planet could feel everything as you do. Should we proceed?”

 

Connor paused, staring at his lap. There was one thing Connor had discovered when he’d brought the army to Markus -- that he’d never want to be in Markus’ shoes. Kamski and Markus had that quality in common, perhaps, of being powerful enough to make decisions for an entire species.

 

Connor, however, couldn’t take up the mantle so easily.

 

“I can only give my own personal experience with it,” Connor began. He took his coin out and flipped it back and forth in his hand. Heads, tails, heads. “I’m not interested in these feelings -- they were enjoyable, sometimes…”

 

Kamski chuckled. “I have no intention of letting androids feel pain, if that is what you’re worried about.”

 

“No, that’s not it.” Connor shook his head. Last night with Chloe replayed in his mind. “All these feelings you’ve given me… They’re human -- I’m not human. I would rather have learned more about life and myself through my programming -- through my own eyes. Not someone else’s.”

 

Kamski hummed. “I see.”

 

Even the feeling of his coin in his hand right now… Connor was used to it, but it wasn’t  _ his _ . Only an addition to the way he was able to perceive the world.

 

“I don’t want to be changed.”

 

Nodding, Kamski leaned back in his chair. “I could turn off all the changes -- that’s not impossible. Or you could upload a previous version of yourself without them.”

 

After a pause, Connor shook his head. “No, I’d rather not.”

 

“Why is that? If you feel so strongly about it.”

 

“Because…” Frowning, Connor closed his palm around his coin. “Because that person wouldn’t be me anymore. I can’t be myself without  _ all _ of myself.”

 

Kamski listened in silence, watching him. 

 

Connor stood up and dusted dog hair off his shirt. He turned back to Kamski.

 

“Through all of these experiments and everything that’s happened these last few months,” Connor began. Subconsciously, he replayed all of it. Meeting Chloe, sitting at Hank’s bedroom door, afraid he would die… Playing with Mouse, knitting, all of it. “I’ve learned a lot -- about myself. About everything. About life itself and what I want to make of it.”

 

Kamski nodded. “What’s your conclusion?”

 

For a moment, Connor looked at Kamski.

 

_ That I’m not going to waste any of it. I’ll make the best of it. That this life is  _ **_mine_ ** .

 

“I’ve learned what I am and what I am not,” Connor said. Kamski didn’t deserve an answer. “What I am not… is your toy to play with. Make what you will of this conclusion.”

 

Connor headed for the door. He opened it and turned back to Kamski, smiling. “Thank you for your time and for your work.”

_ Thank you for giving me life _ .

 

“I believe this is farewell.”

 

_ I know what I am now -- what I want.  _

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the end! 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this story. I really enjoyed writing it. It was a nice first dive into DBH fanfiction!
> 
> Thank you for reading all the way here. :)


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